I think everyone has heard 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 at least once at a wedding or movie about a wedding. It starts, "Love is patient, love is kind..." I have heard it many times without going too much into thought over it. But recently God has really been drawing my eye to this passage. After several weeks of meditating (and procrastinating) on this scripture, God actually put it in our Life Group homework tonight. So, I shall procrastinate no longer! I want to go into a mini-study on 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 as it pertains at the fruit of the spirit. I believe that every term listed under love can be attributed to another fruit of the Spirit, in addition to love. It is easy to think we have the love fruit handled. Of course I love my husband, I definitely love me kids, I "love" my phone/tv/Facebook/(insert name of object-you-cant-live-without here). But what does love really mean. This is my goal, to define love in Biblical terms and to go in depth on each section until I can embody love. So here we go...
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
Today, I have to start with "love is not irritable." I have been SOOO irritable today. I haven't felt that great and I have been tired. Jimmy has been working almost 60 hours a week, so that leaves me to pick up the slack and be the soul source of nourishment, entertainment, transportation, bookkeeping, scheduling, and not to mention discipline to my children. These are not excuses, just a glance at where my life is at the moment. So I was snappy all day. And it didn't end when my husband got home from his almost 12 hour day (don't boo me, I already feel bad enough as it is :-/ I was even getting irritated with my husband over Life Group homework. Talk about a grouch! That was when God threw me this scripture again, reminding me that I seriously need some help expressing love to my family. After reading it, I knew I need to write this blog. If we should not be irritable, what is the opposite of irritable? The thesaurus lists the antonym of irritable as easy going. Huh, easy going. I don't think I would ever describe myself as easy going. This is something I am going to work on over the next several days. Easy going sounds way more fun to be around than irritable! Another antonym, I would say, is joy. You cannot have joy and be irritated. If I am finding joy in my children wanting my attention, I, therefore, cannot be irritated by it. I am blessed to have people who love me so much that they want to be around me and show me there many talents (such as: jumping off the sofa, hitting a baseball, sharing with their sibling, etc.). There may come a day that my children don't ask me to watch them do things anymore if I always act irritated by it, in fact I know there would be. I AM joyful that my children care enough about me to show me things. If my husband desires me, I should be joyful. There are many men out there who do not find their wives desirable and go outside their marriage to satisfy their desires. I should NEVER be irritated that my husband finds me attractive. I am blessed to have someone who feels that way about me. I should never be irritated, period. There is no reason other than being ungrateful for the beautiful life I lead. I am humbled as I write this for the sour attitude I had today. Forgive me Lord, I will forever look at being irritable in a different light.
Please join my in discontinuing irritability from your life. Don't settle for excuses, do it today. Your outlook will be forever changed :-)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Five Years of Wedded...
On the eve of my five year anniversary, I would like to tell you the story of two young kids that fell in love and found Jesus. It's a little heavy on the details (and the cheesiness), so if you don't want to know, then don't read it! My reason for wanting to share this is to show that God can save any marriage, and to let you know that nobody's perfect. I (of course) have permission from my husband to share this story :-)
It starts at Palomar College in January of 2004. I was 16 years old and starting my second semester of college. On the first day of English 100 I spotted a handsome, quiet Mexican home boy (just kidding, he was more like a spoiled little Encinitas boy, lol.) After getting to know each other in small group discussions, I asked Jimmy if he would like to sit by me, and he declined. Not being one to back down, I asked him once more several weeks later and he accepted my invitation to sit together in the back row. Come to find out later, his mom told him not to get involved with underage girls (which was probably good advice!) The teacher had us exchange numbers to call each other for homework, so I already had his number. After Jimmy didn't show up for the last day of school, I called him to see if he wanted to hang out sometime. He came over that night, lol! From the moment we started talking and spending time together, we knew we wanted to be together forever. And if it was only that easy...after several weeks of dating I found out that the reason this handsome boy was so quiet most of the time is because he was stoned...most of the time. Having been in a previous relationship with some of the same issues, I offered him an ultimatum. Stop smoking weed or we're done. So he stopped smoking, for a little while. And then starting smoking again, but failed to let me in on that small little detail. I found out and was furious. I tried to break it off, but I loved him so much that I gave him second chance. Which turned into a third chance, and fourth chance, and probably more, I lost track. After about a year and eight months of dating, we were surprised with news that we would be having a child. This was finally enough for Jimmy to stop smoking weed for good. We were engaged (somewhat), at least we knew we wanted to get married in the summer of 2007. But this pressing news moved the wedding up to January 2006. We planned our wedding in two months, and it is actually quite a blur still to this day. Our wedding was beautiful, I wouldn't have changed a thing. I was still able to have the kind of wedding I wanted. So we started our lives as grown ups, thinking we new everything and could handle it all. We were sadly mistaken. After the wonderful birth of Tucker, taking time off from work, and everything that comes with having a baby, the bills were piling up and the tension was getting high. We were fighting over pretty much everything. On top of all that I had discovered shortly after getting married that Jimmy had an addiction to pornography. It was heartbreaking. I thought marriage was supposed to be happy, easy, and perfect. Instead I felt betrayed, unloved, and pissed. I tried everything to get him to stop, including having him sign a contract stating that if he watch porn again that Tucker and I would be leaving him. The problem was every time he would mess up, I would tell him exactly how to fix it. "Be on your best behavior, buy me something pretty, and then I will be mad for a month and then forgive you." (Seriously, I was so crazy and controlling.) You would think that would be enough to stop him, but the devil's hold was so strong. I did catch him again, and Tucker and I did leave. In my heart, I knew I would never leave him forever. But I made a contract and I had to stick to it. So I packed us up and moved to my moms house. Everyday Jimmy would come over after work and try to make things better. Having had me fix all of his problems for him, he didn't know how to fix it for himself. I told him to figure it out and come back tomorrow. He came back the next day with a list. On it he said, "Go to the Movement every Sunday. Join a Life Group. Attend marriage counseling if necessary. Not go on the computer anymore. Try my hardest to not do this again. Try to forgive me for what I've done." As mad as I wanted to be, I couldn't anymore. This was the turning point. This was the biggest moment in our walk with God. This was the beginning of a truly blessed life with the Lord and each other. We joined Pastor Marc's Life Group and learned what it meant to be in a church family. We have never missed a Sunday without reason of illness or vacation. We LOVE being involved in our church family. And it all started from a horrible moment in our lives. God can take the ugly and make it beautiful. He has been refining both of us (especially me) throughout the last 3+ years that we have been attending the Movement. God is so good, if you will just trust Him.
I love my husband more today than I ever could have imagined standing at the altar on my wedding day. He is the most handsome, loving, caring, hard working, husband and father I could have prayed for and I thank God for him every single day. I am blessed and honored to be Mrs. Balderas :-)
If you are in the same position and need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact me. I know exactly how you feel, and that God can bring you through this. I hope this touched someone out there. Peace and God bless :-)
It starts at Palomar College in January of 2004. I was 16 years old and starting my second semester of college. On the first day of English 100 I spotted a handsome, quiet Mexican home boy (just kidding, he was more like a spoiled little Encinitas boy, lol.) After getting to know each other in small group discussions, I asked Jimmy if he would like to sit by me, and he declined. Not being one to back down, I asked him once more several weeks later and he accepted my invitation to sit together in the back row. Come to find out later, his mom told him not to get involved with underage girls (which was probably good advice!) The teacher had us exchange numbers to call each other for homework, so I already had his number. After Jimmy didn't show up for the last day of school, I called him to see if he wanted to hang out sometime. He came over that night, lol! From the moment we started talking and spending time together, we knew we wanted to be together forever. And if it was only that easy...after several weeks of dating I found out that the reason this handsome boy was so quiet most of the time is because he was stoned...most of the time. Having been in a previous relationship with some of the same issues, I offered him an ultimatum. Stop smoking weed or we're done. So he stopped smoking, for a little while. And then starting smoking again, but failed to let me in on that small little detail. I found out and was furious. I tried to break it off, but I loved him so much that I gave him second chance. Which turned into a third chance, and fourth chance, and probably more, I lost track. After about a year and eight months of dating, we were surprised with news that we would be having a child. This was finally enough for Jimmy to stop smoking weed for good. We were engaged (somewhat), at least we knew we wanted to get married in the summer of 2007. But this pressing news moved the wedding up to January 2006. We planned our wedding in two months, and it is actually quite a blur still to this day. Our wedding was beautiful, I wouldn't have changed a thing. I was still able to have the kind of wedding I wanted. So we started our lives as grown ups, thinking we new everything and could handle it all. We were sadly mistaken. After the wonderful birth of Tucker, taking time off from work, and everything that comes with having a baby, the bills were piling up and the tension was getting high. We were fighting over pretty much everything. On top of all that I had discovered shortly after getting married that Jimmy had an addiction to pornography. It was heartbreaking. I thought marriage was supposed to be happy, easy, and perfect. Instead I felt betrayed, unloved, and pissed. I tried everything to get him to stop, including having him sign a contract stating that if he watch porn again that Tucker and I would be leaving him. The problem was every time he would mess up, I would tell him exactly how to fix it. "Be on your best behavior, buy me something pretty, and then I will be mad for a month and then forgive you." (Seriously, I was so crazy and controlling.) You would think that would be enough to stop him, but the devil's hold was so strong. I did catch him again, and Tucker and I did leave. In my heart, I knew I would never leave him forever. But I made a contract and I had to stick to it. So I packed us up and moved to my moms house. Everyday Jimmy would come over after work and try to make things better. Having had me fix all of his problems for him, he didn't know how to fix it for himself. I told him to figure it out and come back tomorrow. He came back the next day with a list. On it he said, "Go to the Movement every Sunday. Join a Life Group. Attend marriage counseling if necessary. Not go on the computer anymore. Try my hardest to not do this again. Try to forgive me for what I've done." As mad as I wanted to be, I couldn't anymore. This was the turning point. This was the biggest moment in our walk with God. This was the beginning of a truly blessed life with the Lord and each other. We joined Pastor Marc's Life Group and learned what it meant to be in a church family. We have never missed a Sunday without reason of illness or vacation. We LOVE being involved in our church family. And it all started from a horrible moment in our lives. God can take the ugly and make it beautiful. He has been refining both of us (especially me) throughout the last 3+ years that we have been attending the Movement. God is so good, if you will just trust Him.
I love my husband more today than I ever could have imagined standing at the altar on my wedding day. He is the most handsome, loving, caring, hard working, husband and father I could have prayed for and I thank God for him every single day. I am blessed and honored to be Mrs. Balderas :-)
If you are in the same position and need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact me. I know exactly how you feel, and that God can bring you through this. I hope this touched someone out there. Peace and God bless :-)
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Wallking on Sunshine
I am amped today! After almost two weeks of holding a baby with a double ear infection and six teeth coming in, I finally get to sit down and write. My awesome in-laws kept my kids last night so I could get a good nights sleep and go to work this morning. Instead of picking them up after work, they wanted to keep them a little longer. So I got to go grocery shopping-BY MY SELF!!! (For those of you who are moms, you know how sweet that is!) and now I get to write and then go for a walk. Most importantly, I have been spending time really focusing on the Lord today, despite all of the other things I had to get done. Without the constant chatter of the beautiful little voices of my babies, I can actually think. I can thank the Lord for the life I have and also for the breaks that I get. I can pray for our church, the pastors, the congregation, the classes. I can just be in awe of the beautiful world that God made. All of these things are bringing me such joy today! I feel like Someone turned my joy switch way up! And I struggled with how to write this without sounding like a crazy person, but maybe that's what I am, I person crazy filled with joy. And if I am, I wouldn't want to be any other way :-) My verse for meditation today is 1 Peter 1:8 "Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory." I love the phrase "with joy that is inexpressible." I guess that's what I am trying to say, I can't express how much joy I have. I just feel like dancing! Okay, that's enough of my craziness. I am so joy filled today, I hope that it spills over on you. I pray you find joy today, no matter your circumstance. Get out there and enjoy the beautiful world the Lord has made! God bless!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Control Yourself Woman!
Over the last week or so I have been evaluating where I am at with my journey. How have I grown, how have I changed, and what do I still need to change? I am no where near where I need to be, but I have come a long way. Something that caught my attention this week was how I have been responding to Tucker. In my last blog post I mentioned that one of my new years "resolutions" (more like general focus) was that I wanted to stop being so controlling of Tucker (and Jimmy). I have really put some effort into this over the last few days and I have seen quite an improvement, from him and myself. The key to this is self-control and patience, which if you have ever read this blog before, you know these are NOT my strong points. God really opened my eyes to what I have been doing and what I should be doing. When Tucker would do something that I didn't like, my automatic reaction would be to grab the thing out of his hand, cut him off while he was talking, or something else totally rude that I would never to do to an adult (I know, I am the best mom ever :-/ ). So now what I (try) to do is hear him out, calmly think about my response, and then respond in love. Is what he doing harmful to him, me, Ava, Talulah (the cat), or anyone else? Is what he doing against the Lord? Is it just irritating to me, therefore causing me to try to control him, but in actuality his actions are not bad in any way? Usually it was the last answer. What I realized is I am an easily irritated person by those closest to me and that is what I have been and continue to pray about. People are who God made them to be and I need to learn to love them where they're at. God loves me even though I sin, get irritated, and do many, many other things that He doesn't like. I am asking God to give me His eyes. I love the lyrics from the song "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath.
"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your love for the brokenhearted
For those who are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see."
Those words alone are eye opening! I want to see what you see Lord. You don't see a whinny child, you see one who needs love and attention and nurturing to become a disciple for You. You don't see a lazy husband, you see someone who works hard to provide and is tired at the end of the day. You see people who need love, they shouldn't be pushed to the side, they shouldn't be ignored, they shouldn't be yelled at. They should be loved and appreciated. I want my family to see me as a comforting, patient, loving wife and mama, not a harsh, quick to speak, yelling, crazy person. My scripture for meditation today is Ephesians 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Someone please tattoo that on my forehead because that is one I never want to forget. Peace, love and patience to you as you read this. May God bless you today :-)
"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your love for the brokenhearted
For those who are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see."
Those words alone are eye opening! I want to see what you see Lord. You don't see a whinny child, you see one who needs love and attention and nurturing to become a disciple for You. You don't see a lazy husband, you see someone who works hard to provide and is tired at the end of the day. You see people who need love, they shouldn't be pushed to the side, they shouldn't be ignored, they shouldn't be yelled at. They should be loved and appreciated. I want my family to see me as a comforting, patient, loving wife and mama, not a harsh, quick to speak, yelling, crazy person. My scripture for meditation today is Ephesians 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Someone please tattoo that on my forehead because that is one I never want to forget. Peace, love and patience to you as you read this. May God bless you today :-)
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Years "Resolutions" Start the Monday After New Years, Right?
It's Monday, and boy does it feel like Monday. First Monday of the whole year. I thought, "Okay, now I will get back in the swing of things and start this year right!" Is that how today went? No. Of course not. Did I start my day off right with some Bible reading and prayer? No. I was woken up an hour earlier than usual by two cranky monkeys. Did I get Tucker to school on time? No. Did I cook dinner today? No. Did I clean my house? No. I didn't even do my new years blog post until January 3rd. Hmmm. This doesn't seem to be going well so far. So I have decided, Tuesday is the new Monday. Tomorrow will be the day I start the new year off right. Since I have already showed myself how not to do it, I can make a game plan on how to do it, but right this time. I don't really believe in resolutions, because something about them just completely makes me not want to do them. So instead I make more broad suggestions and see where they lead, knowing that God will shine a spotlight on the things I really need to change. My first area is Bible reading. As I have said before, I know I should do it, I feel better when I do it, I actually LOVE to do it! But it is still elusive to me. I need to make it more of a priority and try to figure out what is getting in my way of reading the Bible, and try to set up a time every day that works (suggestions would be appreciated :-) Starting tomorrow I WILL read my Bible. My second area of change is being more consistent with the kids devotional and other learning books. I have a 100 day devotional for kids we have been doing for well over a year now. And I just realized I got a new devotional that was supposed to start January 1st that I didn't start. Tucker has also been learning how to read with a 100 lesson book, that he should be almost done with, and he is on lesson 25. So needless to say, I am not doing well with anything that involves daily use. I need a more organized routine that allows time to do the things are important to us as a family. And the third area is (drum roll please...) being less controlling of little things. I know I surprised you with that one ;-) I need to stop trying to control every word out of Jimmy's mouth, every action of Tucker, and all the little things that are impossible to control. I need to let the people in my family be themselves and stop trying to change them. I need to trust God to change them, or trust Him to change me to not be annoyed by them :-) I have done a fairly good job in trusting Him with all the big things, but am having a hard time with the little things. I guess they just seem insignificant to me, but everything is significant to God, especially how I treat my family. So in honor of the new year, my verse for encouragement today is "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17NIV.
So those are my things, what are your things? If you don't have anything to change, I would love to meet you, because you must be Jesus ;-) Really examine your life and your heart, see what the Lord shows you. Peace and Love in 2011.
So those are my things, what are your things? If you don't have anything to change, I would love to meet you, because you must be Jesus ;-) Really examine your life and your heart, see what the Lord shows you. Peace and Love in 2011.
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