I sit here listening to my son scream his lungs out. He was given the task of picking up his playroom. That was 2 hours ago. It should have taken 5 minutes. This is where I would like to scream. This is the hard part of parenting. I know God wants me to teach my children how to be independent, responsible, indivduals. It would be a lot easier for me to give in and help him or do it myself. But then Tucker would lose the life lesson that when he is given a task he has to complete it. Another aspect of this is a power struggle. Who is going to give in first? Unfortunately, Tucker and I both have the same personality which is incredibly stubborn and we both think we are always right. So you can see this is probably not going to resolve itself very soon. All I can do is pray over my son that he will calm down and stand my ground. I found a verse earlier this week that has been the only thing getting me through this difficult week of disciplining. Galatians 6:9, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." When I get to the end of the 18 years I have to teach this little person how to become a God fearing man, I want to look back with as few regrets as possible. I want to feel like I did everything in my power to show him what he needs to know. So that is my motivation. If anyone else is having a similar day, I will be praying for you. It will get better, God promises us this.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Revelations
Every morning I wake up and pray that the day will go smoothly, my childrens attitudes will be pleasant and I will be patient. Somedays go better then others. Every night I go over what went wrong, what I could have done differently, and pray to do better the next day. From so many thoughts and prayers come some revelations. Please bear with me, I hope they make as much sense written as they do in my head :-)
When my children are being disobedient, I have many options on what I can do or say. I can yell, I can ignore, I can become annoyed, or I can correct them calmly. No matter what response I choose I am using words and/or body language to respond. My first instinct is to yell. My more thought out response is to correct calmly. But either way, I am using words. So if I am using words either way, using the same energy, using the same breaths, the same thought process and brain response to use my mouth, why would I choose anything other than a calm response? Sometimes the simplest things almost seem to simple, but not always easy.
There are two important reasons why this makes the most sense. First, when you respond to your child calmly you are setting the tone for the conversation. You are more likely to get your point across and get the desired response if you are calm, therefore making your child calm (well, at least hopefully.) Secondly, and more importantly, you are communicating to your child that they are important to you, that you respect them, and that they are loved. Thirdly (is that a word?), and most important of all, you are showing your child how a loving parent communicates, modeling the love of our Heavenly Father. We are the most important and sometimes the only representation of Christ to our children and we want them to know what a loving, patient, caring Father God is.
So, for me when I can think things out logically it helps me to make the right choice. Of course patience plays a huge role in choosing the right response. So one of my verses for the day is a repeat from a previous post, but is worth repeating. Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger,but an unkind answer will cause more anger." And a new one, also from Proverbs. Proverbs 25:15 "With patience you can convince a ruler,and a gentle word can get through to the hard-headed." I hope this post makes sense to someone else besides me, and I hope that seeing the thoughts logically helped someone else, also besides me. Have a blessed day :-)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Change
It is still early, but after my somewhat depressing post last night I would like to share that today is going well so far. Tucker woke up with an almost unsettlingly cheerful attitude and has not had any fits so far today. I know this is completely thanks to my heartfelt cries to God last night to fix a situation I could not. He is the only One that can get inside that little boys heart and mind. I am staying fed by the Word to keep my patience levels up. I am drawn to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. There is a technique some use to make scripture more personal. Insert your name in the verse, in this case where "love" is. So to me, this scripture says, "Caitlyn is patient and kind. Caitlyn is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Caitlyn does not demand her own way (oh she doesn't, does she?). Caitlyn is not irritable (oops), and she keeps no record of being wronged. Caitlyn does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins out. Caitlyn never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." As I read this, I realize that some of this is currently not true. Caitlyn does get irritable (quite often) and Caitlyn demands her own way (very frequently.) But the more I read it and put myself in it, the more I realize I need to change. So that's what I am working on today. I am also praising God for the changed attitude in my son, that only He could bring about. And I pray that it keeps :-)
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Trust Me. Rely on Me. Pray for him.
What a trying day...I don't even know where to start, I am beyond exhausted.
No one told me that when a child turns 5 he throws raging tantrums. Or maybe its just my child. It has been about 2 weeks now, and I keep thinking it will stop, but its not. I am trying to be as consistent as possible, following through with all consequences, doing everything I can think of. Nothing is working. As I sit here and think about the days events, I can't see anything I could have done differently. It is so frustrating. Usually I can find something I should have done differently, but not today. If I could find something I did wrong, I could fix it tomorrow. But I have nothing to fix. Just as I am starting to feel hopeless, God whispers in my ear, "Trust Me. Rely on Me. Pray for him." The comfort that comes from relying on the Lord is uncomparable to anything else. Tears fill my eyes when I read the verse, Psalm 94:19 "When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer." At this moment, all I have to cling to is hope that God can show me what to do tomorrow and that He will work on Tucker's heart as well. He will not leave me alone to figure it out, He will guide me through, He will hold my hand. Sorry I am not very inspirational tonight, I can barely type this. But I know I have to, because this is how the Lord speaks to me. He helps me work out the problem through words and shows me the solutions. And an added benefit is that maybe someone else had the same day that I did and they need to hear what God has to say. "Trust Me. Rely on Me. Pray for him (your child.)" Tomorrow is another day...
Monday, July 25, 2011
Be Careful What You Pray For...
I have heard the phrase, "don't pray for patience, because you may not like the way God teaches it to you." I am feeling that way about gentleness. Yesterday at church I asked God to help me let go of my need to control my family (once again) and to be a more gentle mother. Yesterday went well. I felt very gentle and the freedom that comes from not being a nagging wife and mother. Today...today is a different story. I think it may be because yesterday went so well, I was kind of expecting the same for today. Well, today is not yesterday. It never is. Today started with me losing my temper, yelling, spanking, and in general just being a horrible mom. You may have noticed I did not say what Tucker did to insight these hideous behaviors. Its because it shouldn't matter what he does, I am still expected to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit. How can I expect any kind of right behavior from my kids if I myself cannot behave properly? I can't. At one point I had to be by myself for quite awhile to calm down and (eventually) ask for repentance. After, I held Tucker explained that mommies can get angry too and it is not right for me to behave this way. I then asked him to forgive me. This is pretty much the only thing I have done right today. But, I have the rest of today, and tomorrow, and as many more days as God will give me to become the mother that He wants me to be. So the Scripture I am going to focus on today is Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle word deflects anger, but harsh words cause conflict." The behavior that was started by Tucker could have been deflected with my gentle words, but instead I increased the conflict with harsh words. So I have to use all of my God given strength to control my emotions and use gentle words. Another thing that has been on my heart since yesterday is something Pastor Jeremy said. "God's kindness is what leads us to repentence, not his anger." My anger is not going to change my childrens behavior, my kindness will. So I am going to work on these two focuses right now. What is your focus today?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Honor
As some of my Facebook friends might have seen several weeks ago, I was in search of the book "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids!" A book by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. No one had it, so I waited for awhile, and then after a particularly difficult day of whining and crying (from both Tucker and me), I broke down and ordered it off Amazon. My only regret is that I didn't get this sooner (like 5 years ago when Tucker was soon to be born.) This book is all about a family based on honor. Honor is refrenced thoroughly in the Bible and this book has many Scriptures throughout. Honor is defined as treating people as special, doing more than what's expected, and having a good attitude. It is not possible to whine and honor at the same time. It is also not possible to yell at your children and honor them at the same time. Your children will never learn honor if you are not honoring to them or your spouse. That was the key to me understanding the problems that we have been experiencing with Tucker's behavior lately. I am usually frustrated with Tucker's behavior and am short with him when it comes to correction. When I do that it does not help him to calm down and listen, it sends this particular child into a fury, and it is also not showing him honor. If I honor my child by showing him the time and calm attitude I have to hear him out and then answer him, he has the ability to have an honoring response. This does not give him an excuse to not supply first time obedience, it shows him how people are supposed to respond to each other, with grace and patience.
We have been talking a lot about honor since I started reading the book, and we have had several family discussions around the dinner table about how to honor each other. When Tucker starts whining or arguing, I ask him if his behavior is honoring me or not. Sometimes he will say he is not honoring me and he will stop arguing. Then we will discuss a better way to talk about the issue. Sometimes he says/yells, "I don't want to talk about honoring anymore," and continues in his behavior. It is definately a work in progress, but I can already see fruit. I know that the work I put into bringing this family up in honor will be worth it. It is a lot of work, but it would be either way, right?
I highly recommend this book to any person who believes that the Bible has an answer for everything that life throws at you. But be prepared...this is not a quick fix answer for your child. It is a long term family change that challenges both child and parent. But its worth it :-)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Undisciplined Parent=Out of Control Child
I am seriously sucking at following the fruits of the Spirit today. As calm as I am trying to be, it is just not happening. Tucker has been very defiant lately, the talking back is what kills me. Whether its whining, arguing, or just straight disobedience, it drives me insane. This morning was just the last straw. Instead of correcting him in love and gentleness I corrected him in anger and loss of control. In addition to this being the complete wrong way to Biblically discipline a child, this particular child is very sensitive and starts screaming when I yell at him, which I did today. That just makes me more angry and the simple correcting process has spiraled out of control. I finally had to stop it and step out to cool off.
As easy as it is to blame Tucker for what happened, I am the mother and I am the one who needs to have self control, no matter what he does. I have to set up my day to prepare my heart for whatever is thrown at me and not react in anger. I (of course) did not start my day in the Word, nor did I ask the Lord to give me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self control towards my children or anyone else I come in contact with today. And then it just seems silly to me, how can I expect my day to go if I don't prepare myself? Is it any suprise my child is out of control when I myself am being undisciplined? Of course not. Just another lesson brought to you by the fruits of the Spirit ;-) Now I am going to meditate and pray on incorporating all of the fruits into my parenting for the rest of this day. Its never too late to save the day from ruin.