Chicken Pox and Other Fun Things...

Do you want to hear about my week. I guess if you are reading this, you do ;-) The story begins 2 Wednesday's ago... Ava woke up with a large bump on her forehead that looked like a bug bite. I thought it was weird, thoroughly checked her bedding, found nothing, but decided to wash it anyway. We went about our day, Beth Moore, homeschooling, then Life Group at night. The next morning, Ava woke up covered in bumps. The dreaded chicken pox. I couldn't believe my eyes, looking at my sweet little girl with hundreds of bumps covering her tiny body. After calling everyone she had been around in the few days prior to the outbreak, along with doctors, and prayer warriors, I settled in for 7-14 days of being home. With sick kids. No yard. No leaving. After a few hours of panic/annoyance/fear of the situation, I made a game plan with God on how we would handle this. I wasn't super worried about the actual illness, we all had chicken pox when I was little. I was mostly concerned how I would make it through the week without a)screaming at my kids, b) losing my mind, and/or c) completely undoing all of the work I have done in creating discipline and order in my home. I instantly increased the television consumption amount, because, seriously, all I want to do when I am sick is watch tv, and what else would they do. I also made it my goal to go to Target, Henry's, anywhere, in the evening so I could talk to big people and clear my head. Above all, I asked the Lord to give me patience with my children and the situation in general. As the days passed by, I really felt the Lord gave me a super dose of patience. I was even surprised by how patient I was. I also noticed that without a schedule, without a time to be out the door by, without our normal crazy life, I could spend more time holding, loving, reading,--just being--with them. I also think I know why this happened. At the Life Group I went to right before finding out about the pox, I heard a divine whisper from the Lord. We discussed the loving sacrifice God made by sending His son to the world for our sins. My sins. And for me to waste one day of this life is not being thankful for the sacrifice He made. It's wasting the time He gave me to make a difference in this world. My job at this time is being a wife and a mother. My goal in being a mother is to have an undying passion for the Lord that my children witness, and God willing, choose to have themselves. It is showing them with my life, how to serve, how to love, how to worship, how to be a light to a dying world. Not to preach to them, not to tell them with words, but to show with my life. I left that night with a renewed vision of what God put me on Earth for. And the next day my kids have chicken pox. Buzz kill. Or I should say, attempted buzz kill. Nice try Satan, not going to happen. Although I could not completely go full charge with my plan, I have not, and will not, forget my purpose. I will use my life as an example. And just like any human, I will make mistakes, but even then I can show the Lord's forgiveness and mercy to forgive a sinner like me. I cannot depend on teaching them with my words, I need to show them with The Word walked out. Thank you Lord for the bad times, because even in those you show me beauty and teach me things I could have otherwise never learned. Thank you for renewing the vision You have for my life, the vision what will outlive my life alone, but spread down through future generations. You are a loving and powerful God and I an thankful for the ability to serve you.

Nearsighted Vision

Some of you may have seen on Facebook that I was hoping to write a blog post yesterday. Well, yesterday turned into today. Yesterday...ah yesterday. There are no words for you. And you also kindly spilled into today. Yesterday started out as a beautiful idea God gave me and somehow morphed into utter chaos. I started the day by reading the fruits of the Spirit to the kids and helping them (and myself) choose one to work on. I also introduced a new facet of our discipline process, which is: stopping at the very moment the child(ren) has a hard time choosing to listen and praying for God to help them make the right choice. Sounds like an awesome plan, right? Well, for whatever reason, my two older kids decided that there new favorite pass time is lets-see-how-mad-we-can-make-Mommy-before-she-goes-insane. Tucker literally thinks its a game, Ava just goes along with it and adds her own twist by being blatently disobedient AND extremely confrontational. So, I am thinking...Maybe the idea God gave me (about reading the fruits of the Spirit every morning and praying with the kids at the moment they choose to obey or disobey) is such an awesome idea that the devil literally can't stand it. Yeah, I am going to go with that. As Ephesians 6:12 tells us, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." When the devil sees that I am imprinting on my childrens souls the automatic reaction to pray when unsure of what to do is a direct threat to him in his ability to pursuade them away from God's plan for them. And because of this, it seems as though all hell has broken loose in my house. But now that I can see this for what it is, its easier to handle. We were all spun out, going totally crazy. Now I can refocus on my goal: raising children who have a passion for the Lord. Sometimes I feel so nearsighted regarding the day to day goings on in my life and forget about the further vision that God has for myself and my family. I am so caught up in, "what the h--- is wrong with these kids" I can't see it for what it is. Something far more than just kids acting badly.
Thank you Jesus for sorting out my problems through writing this blog. It is not always easy to sit down and write, but when I do you take my nearsightedness and turn it into long range xray vision that allows me to see into the future and into the things unseen. You are a parent yourself so you know how I feel. I love your comfort and understanding Lord. Thank you :-)

Thank God for This Blog

Let me give you a little insight into my day...
"Guys, don't eat cat food." "You guys, just because I am on the phone doesn't mean you can pull out every dvd box, open the door and go on the porch without permission, and eat cat food (again.)" "Ava don't take your diaper off, especially when it has poop in it." "Tucker, don't tell your sister to eat cat food (yes, for the third time.)" Arrrrrggggghhhhhhh!
On days like this I wonder why I make my life harder than it has to be. Why did I insist on homeschooling? Why do I refuse to put Ava in preschool? Why do I hold my babies so much? Why do I limit my kids television consumption? Oh yeah, because God told me to. As frazled and tired I get, I have the strength to go on because I know I am doing what the Lord wants me to do. And I also have this blog to collect my thoughts from the day. The Lord uses this blog to let me know of any changes I can make to prevent these crazy occurances in the future.
That's all I can write for now, I am about one more cat food eating episode away from being completely fried in the brain
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2011 In Review

2011 In Review...
5 year anniversary (1/22)
Pulled Tucker out of preschool to homeschool him (2/3)
Found out I was pregnant (2/7)
Turned 24 (3/15)
Quit my job (3/27)
Jimmy turned 28 (5/25)
Tucker turned 5 (7/12)
Erin & Taylor got married (7/15)
Riley Family Reunion (7/10-7/16)
Ava turned 2 (8/25)
Started homeschooling for kindergarten (8/29)
Laughlin trip (9/2-9/5)
Las Vegas trip (9/8-9/11)
Gave birth to Sadie Mae @ 9:57pm (10/8)
Crazy whirlwind of kids, schooling, church, holidays, and fun ever since.

As you can see, we have had a life changing year. I knew this year would be different, I just had no idea how different. Homeschooling has changed our daily routine. Adding another member to our tribe has completely changed the way our family operates. We don't leave the house as much anymore. I have to *really* want something to take all the kids to Target. Some days I don't feel like I can do it. But then I remember God made me and only me to be these kids mom. And, he told me to homeschool my son this year. So I know he will show me the way. Everyday gets a little closer to my new normal.
As we go into 2012 I again anticipate change. The theme for 2012 in the Balderas home is "Have An Extraordinary Life." More to come on that in the new year. What do you want 2012 to be? It's up to you, ask God to help you change your life to what He wants it to be. God bless :-)

Washed in the Christmas Spirit

Christmas time is here (as I type this the Charlie Brown christmas song is playing in my head.) Another year has flown by and it is that time again. I usually set up my Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving, listen to Mariah Carey Christmas a million times, and put myself in the Christmas spirit. This year has been different. We don't have a tree yet. Not a single Christmas decoration is up. And I have only been to the mall once, for the first and last time this season. I don't watch the news, read the paper, get magazines, etc. so I am not hearing stories of people pepper spraying each other for Xbox's or even a positive story of generosity. I kind of appreciate my little cocoon. It allows me to decide what I want Christmas to be for my family and not have the worlds view of Christmas forced on me. To me Christmas is not about Santa, its about Jesus. It can be about gifts, about getting the perfect gift for my loved ones, the gift that will make them smile. Not about what I am getting. Its about traditions that my grandma passed down to my mom to me and now to my children. Its about helping those who are in need and showing them that Christmas is about Jesus coming into this world to be a light. This Christmas feels different. Yes, somethings are the same, like the years old traditions. But the arrival of a new little blessing to our family has tipped the balance, and I have to examine what I do and why I do it. I am not just going along with all the craziness of Christmas because I can't, I don't have the time or the energy. I think what I am trying to say is I usually feel swept up in the Christmas madness and this year I am washed in the Christmas spirit. I am preparing to celebrate the birthday of my loving Savior and BFF while also trying to impart to my children what this season really is.
I am not sure if what is in my head is coming out in my typing, but I hope it somewhat makes sense. I am a little brain dead from having a newborn and two chatterboxes with me 24 hours a day :-) Think about what is truly important this season, and forget everything else. Make it a time to celebrate the Lord, not going crazy with the madness. Happy Birthday Jesus <3

Three

I am coming out of the fog that is created upon the entrance of a new life into the world. This fog had the ability to be completely blissful or scary and confusing. I'm sad to say this fog has been both, bittersweet. The joy of a new life mixed with the sadness that I will never be able to spend as much time alone with this baby as I did with the first. Guilt over not being able to provide enough time and attention for each child, so it feels like no one wins. Frustration that I can't get everything done that I need to get done. Add hormones and screaming children to this and you get a mental breakdown (or two). Still, with all these things, with the underlying happiness that a new baby brings. It is hard for me to admit this, because I like to feel like I can do anything. I like to think I always have everything under control and nothing is hard for me. But this has been hard. And God needed me to go through this so I can refocus and rely on Him. He lent me these three babies to raise, so I know through Him I have every strength and ability I need to do it. He put in my heart the desire to homeschool my child, so I know He will show me how to fit it in to this new life with three little people. I am ashamed to say I doubted His plan in the first few weeks of homeschooling after the baby, I was ready to give up and drive Tucker to a normal school. But He reassured me in many ways. And I am so thankful to my wonderful family and friends who supported and helped me in the last month.
Today is Sadie's one month birthday and I am starting to feel like life is getting back to normal. School is back on track, cleaning is back on track, and my mind is somewhat back on track. That is the hardeest part, focusing and changing my thinking. As busy as I am, I have to make reading the Bible and praying my first priority. This scripture fits my struggle perfectly, John 6:63 NLT, "The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life." Human effort accomplishes nothing. I have to rely on the Lord. That will be my goal for now, have a blessed day.

One Year Anniversary Gift

A week or so ago I realized that the one year anniversary of the blog was coming up. I couldn't remember the exact date I started this blog. I looked it up and realized it was October 8, 2011. Something (or Someone) told me that would be the day I had baby #3. I felt like it was something God wanted me to keep to myself, but in the back of my mind I really felt like that would be the day. As I shared in a previous post, without the journey this blog has led me on I would not have been emotionally or mentally ready to be at this point in my life. So, I was pleasantly suprised/not suprised when I went in to labor at 5:23pm on October 8, 2011. After a quick 4.5 hour labor and 1 push, Sadie Mae arrived into the world. As I type this, I lay in the hospital with a sweet baby on my chest, enjoying this time that I get to be alone with her. I thank God for this blessing that comes wrapped in a tiny body with dark hair and huge feet. I love my life and I thank God for it every moment.