I don't know about you, but I thrive when in the structured accountability of group Bible studies. I love studying the scriptures and meditating on every living word. But without the deadline of Tuesday morning, somehow I don't accomplish as much as I would like. I am currently in two Bible studies (And a small group. And a MOPS group. I think I am addicted.) One of the studies is Beth Moore's "Stepping Up" which thoroughly studies the Pslams of ascent.
Today I read Psalm 124, and it was probably the first time I laid eyes upon this tiny chapter. The very first line changed my outlook forever. "If God had not been on our side..." Sweet, funny, anointed Beth went on to ask us where we might have been if God had not rescued us from where we were. As often in Mrs. Moore's studies, I was stopped in my tracks, crying my eyes out, thanking Jesus for the unending, undeserved love that God has for me. My mind immediately went to the moment I reinvited Him into my life after straying away. I was a 20 year old mom of an 18 month old, married for just over a year and fighting with my husband almost daily. I was stubborn, prideful, unforgiving and selfish. I was also hurt and frustrated. I was convinced that I was always right, he was always wrong, and no one could persuade me otherwise. Basically, I thought he was a burden to live with, but really I was the monster in the house.
Beth's question said, "What might have happened with your life "if the LORD had not been on (your) side?" With tears in my eyes I wrote: divorced, single mom, partier, selfish.
As I did my study in the car during a chilly evening at baseball practice, I looked up at my son practicing and I thought about the life I would have had if God hadn't have intervened when He did,. Or worse, if I wouldn't have listened to Him . I would only have Tucker, I would probably be working all the time to support myself, I probably wouldn't have been watching him at practice, for all I know I wouldn't have been able to afford to put him baseball. I would have been bitter, angry, lonely, selfish, and empty. The thought of this alternate life, a life that was very near happening for real 6 years ago, still at this moment brings me to tears in humility and thankfulness. Left to myself, I would have been in that place. Thanks to God, my creator and rescuer, I am blessed with a life I dreamed about. I can't let the thought go. The amazing grace of God to save me from myself, forgive me for my choices, and redeem me to I life I never deserved. Unbelievable. Thank you LORD.
I never wanted to forget this moment, this thought of "if God had not been with me." I had to chronicle it in the story that is my life.
This is my story, what is yours? Where would you be if he hadn't rescued you from yourself or your situation? Take a moment to meditate and then thank Him in humble praise!
