What Do I Do With This Child?

Where do I even start... My 4 year old is insane. Ok... Probably not, but sometimes I really do wonder. She is prone to have wild tantrums that turn her into an animal like creature whose rage cycle can only be shutdown by isolation from people and until she fills her yelling/screaming/kicking quota. I wish I was kidding or exaggerating, but it happens. And I am frustrated. I think I am the most frustrated because after trying everything under the sun I thought I had found a solution. We worked on a goal of not having tantrums all day, and if she made it through the day she got a sticker on her "Happy Chart." For six days straight she made her goal everyday and I felt like we had finally found something that's works. But in the last 24 hours she has had two. And they have been worse then ever. It's like she saved up all her crazy juice and now spewed it all over us.

"God, what do I do with this child?"

Now I sit with my Bible, looking through passages that I have underlined before, searching for an answer. I turn to my trusty Fruit of the Spirit for comfort, but God draws me right below it.

"Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith." (Galatians 6:1-5, 9, 10 NLT) (underlines mine)

This. This is exactly what I needed. I'm sure Paul had adults in mind when he wrote this, but the way it relates to a parent and child is spot on. Boy, did I need this one,

"if another believer is overcome by some sin,"- When Ava is struggling with her emotions and self control, she is overcome (if you could witness how overcome she was, you wouldn't believe your eyes). And we as parents sometimes are overcome while they are overcome. We are overcome with anger at the behavior, resentment that you have to deal with situation again, and fear that they are always going to be like this. I pray everyday that this phase will pass. Quickly.

"should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path."-The out of control behavior caused by refusing to listen to someone who wants to help you is a sin I would like to help her learn to give to Jesus while she is a child making child size mistakes in my home rather then making adult size mistakes that have lasting consequences later. How can I help her with that? By matching her anger with more anger? Or "gently and humbly" helping her back to the path of peace. And sanity. For both of us.

What I have learned so far in my parenting journey is this: every tantrum, every sassy answer, every lie, every screaming no!, is an opportunity. It's an opportunity for me to show my kids Jesus' love, care, and forgiveness. He loves us when we sin against Him, even though we don't deserve it. He cares enough to gently help us back onto the right path through gentle correction and discipline. And He forgives us. Every. Single. Time. Every time. When we don't deserve it. Ever. But He does anyway. And that is my goal, to show my children Jesus through me. I will make mistakes, and I pray they will forgive me. But I will try. And because God knew we would get frustrated, just like I am today, He gave us this verse.

"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."(Galatians 6:9 NLT)

He gives me what I need. Every single time I ask for it. And even when I don't.

Thank you Lord for never giving up on me, even when I deserve that. Please give me the same unrelenting love and commitment to my children, even when they don't deserve it. You are so good to us. Amen

 

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If God Had Not Been With Me...

I don't know about you, but I thrive when in the structured accountability of group Bible studies. I love studying the scriptures and meditating on every living word. But without the deadline of Tuesday morning, somehow I don't accomplish as much as I would like. I am currently in two Bible studies (And a small group. And a MOPS group. I think I am addicted.) One of the studies is Beth Moore's "Stepping Up" which thoroughly studies the Pslams of ascent.

Today I read Psalm 124, and it was probably the first time I laid eyes upon this tiny chapter. The very first line changed my outlook forever. "If God had not been on our side..." Sweet, funny, anointed Beth went on to ask us where we might have been if God had not rescued us from where we were. As often in Mrs. Moore's studies, I was stopped in my tracks, crying my eyes out, thanking Jesus for the unending, undeserved love that God has for me. My mind immediately went to the moment I reinvited Him into my life after straying away. I was a 20 year old mom of an 18 month old, married for just over a year and fighting with my husband almost daily. I was stubborn, prideful, unforgiving and selfish. I was also hurt and frustrated. I was convinced that I was always right, he was always wrong, and no one could persuade me otherwise. Basically, I thought he was a burden to live with, but really I was the monster in the house.

Beth's question said, "What might have happened with your life "if the LORD had not been on (your) side?" With tears in my eyes I wrote: divorced, single mom, partier, selfish.

As I did my study in the car during a chilly evening at baseball practice, I looked up at my son practicing and I thought about the life I would have had if God hadn't have intervened when He did,. Or worse, if I wouldn't have listened to Him . I would only have Tucker, I would probably be working all the time to support myself, I probably wouldn't have been watching him at practice, for all I know I wouldn't have been able to afford to put him baseball. I would have been bitter, angry, lonely, selfish, and empty. The thought of this alternate life, a life that was very near happening for real 6 years ago, still at this moment brings me to tears in humility and thankfulness.  Left to myself, I would have been in that place. Thanks to God, my creator and rescuer, I am blessed with a life I dreamed about.  I can't let the thought go. The amazing grace of God to save me from myself, forgive me for my choices, and redeem me to I life I never deserved. Unbelievable. Thank you LORD.

I never wanted to forget this moment, this thought of "if God had not been with me." I had to chronicle it in the story that is my life.

  This is my story, what is yours? Where would you be if he hadn't rescued you from yourself or your situation? Take a moment to meditate and then thank Him in humble praise!

The Day Has Arrived

The day finally came. I always knew this day would come. The day my kid understood math, science, and human anatomy enough to put two and two together.

"Mommy, you got married in January 2006 and I was born in July 2006. How did that happen?"

I didn't know what to say, after all I had only had 7 1/2 years to think about it. Luckily, because of other siblings around I told him I wouldn't be able to explain until bedtime. And you would have thought I would have used that time to think about it, but I didn't really. The second I stepped in the door the question came at me again.

I took a deep breath and started to explain.

"Before daddy and I got married, we weren't listening to what Jesus wanted us to do. We made some bad choices and we had sex before we got married. I was pregnant with you when I got married to your dad. Daddy and I knew we wanted to get married before we found out we were pregnant and we were going to get married anyway because we love each other very much. Mommy and daddy made a bad choice, but God used it for good. Do you know how? He used you to save my life. He used you to bring me back to Him. And that's one of the reasons why I love Jesus so much, because He uses our bad choices to bring us to Him. And I love you, and Daddy, and Jesus, so much."

With tears in my eyes I looked at this boy, this little boy who did save my life. He changed me from a selfish, young girl set on being uncontrolled...to a mom who would do anything for her family. And the best thing for my family was to go to church. And by going to church I fell back in love with Jesus and in love with His plan for my life. And by watching my husband be an amazing dad, he made me fall even more in love with him, which led to more happiness and more babies.

And as uncomortable as this could have been, it wasnt. Because this time, God gave me the words to say (Thanks God, because I could have really screwed this up). I wanted our son to know that we weren't perfect before we had him and we aren't perfect now. No one is perfect except for Jesus. I wanted him to know that people make mistakes, and Jesus redeems our mistakes and uses them for good. Because that lesson will teach him more then him thinking he has perfect parents.

When I think back to that day of being 18, unmarried, and pregnant, I could have never in a million years imagined I would have this beautiful life with so much grace, peace and love. God is so good to me, even though I never ever deserve it. Thank you God.

 

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What To Do When You're Tired, Frustrated, and Selfish

Do you ever start reading the Bible and come across a passage that you can´t believe is in there. You read it several times through just to make sure you read what you thought you read? Well if you haven´t, go ahead and read Matthew 14:1-12. And then you can send me emails saying, ¨What the what?¨ and I can try to explain it the way my Bible study leader did today.

Thankfully, that was not the end of the story. Matthew tells us of the horrific end to John the Baptist and then ends it in only the way Jesus could. He tells us, ¨Now when Jesus heard {about the beheading of John the Baptist}, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns.¨ Matthew 14:13{inserted from prior verses for clarity}

Jesus just found out that John the Baptist-the proclaimer of the Messiah, the chosen prophet, and-oh yeah-Jesus´ cousin-had been beheaded by an evil ruler and his even more evil wife. That is enough to make a person sick, sad, and looking for solitude.

But don´t forget, the people of the area are starting to catch on that this man is like no other man. He is healing sickness, bringing new life, preforming miracles-and they have no idea what He is going to do in the near future to confirm His identity as the son of God. They want a piece of this man. They want His presence. They want His healing touch.

So what does He do? He had every right to send them away. After all, He was morning His cousin and friend. He was tired from a long journey. And He was being mobbed left and right and he was just in sight of rest.

What does He do? ¨When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.¨v. 14. He had compassion and healed them.

When I read this today, it struck me. It struck me like no other time I have ever read this. Jesus was tired. Probably more tired then I have ever been. Yet...He saw them. He interacted with them, He healed them, He loved on them, He gave them what they were looking for.

And as I contemplated this...as God often does, He made it relevant to my life. When I am exhausted, scared, frustrated, mourning, or just plain selfish, and my kids need me...I can choose to respond as Jesus did. They don´t see tiredness, inner feelings, or the thoughts going on in my head. They see their mom. You could be their favorite person in the whole world and all they want is a little bit of your time, a portion of your attention, they just want to be loved on.

And this is not just for parents of young children. This is about that person who needs you, who likes spending time with you, the person you might not even realize looks to your for inspiration and joy. They are in your homes, at your jobs, in your churches, in your neighborhoods. Whoever and whenever it is that someone needs you and you feel like you have nothing left to give, remember... Jesus and His compassion for us when He was searching for rest in a desolate place.

When we are in the middle of these feelings of inadequacy, under preparedness for a task at hand, mental exhaustion, or whatever it may be, it is easy to dismiss or distract. But the joy, the beautiful joy that comes from giving that child or that person the last ounce you have with a happy heart and genuine intention, that joy could be just what you needed to get out of that emotion cycle and finish your day renewed.

Jesus came to this earth to have the full human experience so He could better comfort us when we are down and celebrate with us when we feel joy. He knows how you feel and He shows us the perfect example of how to respond.

In the same way He had compassion on the people that day over 2000 years ago, He has compassion for us. When we need Him, He will be there. Every. Time. Lean on Him, let him refresh your soul so you can be that person for someone who might not know Him yet.

Thank you Father for sending your son as the perfect example. It is impossible to be perfect like Him, and that is not what you ask for. You look at our hearts and our desires to strive to be like Him and glorify you. Please give me the energy and inclination to respond to my children, husband, family, friends, and neighbors as Jesus has responded to us all along. Thank you for giving us your word which is relevant and timeless. You are awesome. AMEN!

Heart Change in 2014

Happy New Year! This joyous moment when all things are new, fresh, and all things are possible. 

I´m going to lose those 15 lbs! 

I am going to read my Bible every day! 

I am going to- 

And before you can finish that sentence you are back on the couch, searching through Pinterest, pinning recipes for Reese´s in between Oreo´s dipped in chocolate. (And I´m bot going to lie, those things are delicious.) 

This year I remembered all the resolutions I have failed on in the past and decided not to make any resolutions. Several days later my lovely friend summed up the reasoning in the perfect way, she wrote:

  ¨I decided not to make any New Years resolutions this year. Very strange for me. I've learned over the last few years that without a true heart change no behavior modification will ever really last. Most of my past New Years resolutions were exactly that, behavior modifications I was hoping to implement. I have seen in my own life that when a truth sets in and your heart changes then the behavior modification follows as an outpouring of that heart change. It's completely different.¨

Her words were exactly what God had put on my heart, my brain was just not able to formulate it in such a perfect way. Behavior modification is not a lasting plan. Jesus coming in and doing heart surgery, that´s a lasting plan. 

What has God put on your heart for 2014? Is it more of Him? Less of the world? More family time? Less electronics? More nature? Less couch?

Whatever it is, whatever you keep hearing God whisper in your ear...Just Do It.

Do the things that God is putting on your heart. Because friend, they are there for a reason. There are things God wants you to experience and learn and grow from. There are things, that if you just open your eyes and pay attention, He will blow your mind with.

Things that once seemed mundane or difficult or impossible or scary can now seem exciting and easy and doable and amazing.

But the only way you will experience these wonders is by doing it. 

So take Nike´s advice and Just Do It.

You won´t regret it.

What has God put on your heart, I want to know!

Joy (Covered in Poop)

Sometimes, life is just perfect. And sometimes, life is full of crap. Literal crap, like a toddler covered in poop. This is what a found a few weeks ago in my youngest daughters room. Sadie was supposed to be taking a nap when I heard her chattering away to herself. When I poked my head in the room to check on her, my nose was met by the aroma which could mean nothing else.

¨Poop Mama!¨

She sounded so happy. As if she had discovered instead of waste coming out of her butt it was play-dough. There was my sweet baby, standing in her beautiful crib, covered in feces. In my horror I snatched her out of her crib, held her at arms length, ran her up the stairs, and plopped her in my tub. At this point I had enough sense in me to snap a picture, because, although at this moment I wanted nothing more then to make this go away, I knew later this would be something I was glad I documented.

After I scrubbed the literal crap out of my little girl, washed everything in the crib, and detailed that bed like it had never been cleaned before, I laughed. I laughed at this little person I made who had the idea that poop was fun to play with. I laughed that one day soon this would be a funny story to tell. I laughed because there was not much else I could do.

I thought about the children God has blessed me with that bring so many emotions and experiences to my life. Although it would be hard for you to think of a shenanigan that my kids haven´t pulled, I am thankful for their curiosity, their imagination, their tenacity, their spirit, and their joy. I could easily get upset, scream, and complain about all the mischief my kids get into (and don´t get me wrong, sometimes I do.) Or... I could laugh. I could imagine all the amazing things my kids will experience in their lifetime because of their active minds and unstoppable hearts. And I could imagine all the joy that I will experience by watching them live their dreams.

So if you gave me the choice between a well behaved, compliant child without curiosity and spunk or a spirited, joyful, child who is full of life, I would pick the one covered in poop any day.

¨A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.¨ Proverbs 17:22

How We Got to Where We Are

I sit here during the quiet of nap time in my new home. In my new town. In my new state. Sometimes it doesn't seem real. I ask myself several times a day, "Is this really where I am?" It is a surreal feeling and I wonder when it will wear off. Maybe never? Some of you may be wondering why we moved to Texas. And this is an explanation of sorts. But it's also a story, one I never want to forget any part of. So, I write it down, here, for myself, and anyone else who wants to know.

A long time ago (actually about 10 months ago) a very wise man (my dad) brought up an idea.

"When I retire in four years, I am going to move to San Marcos, Texas."

"Yeah, whatever." I thought to myself. I had heard similar ideas before. But apparently, that's not what my husband, my sister, and my brother-in-law thought. They thought, "Let's check it out!" So they did, they Googled what it's like to live in Texas and found out many amazing things. Way cheaper cost of living, plentiful jobs, wonderful place to raise a family. Still I am thinking to myself, "Yeah, whatever." Lots of people have ideas, but this is a big idea that would take a lot of change. Fast forward 24 hours. I have basically forgotten about moving to Texas, probably because I never thought it was a real possibility. Jimmy comes home from Bible Study Fellowship and tells me he is seriously considering moving us all to Texas. And then promptly falls asleep within seconds. What..... What?!?!? Commence freak out stage. I am Googling, looking at CityData.com, trying to look everywhere I can to find out more about this foreign land called Texas. I am looking everywhere, except for up.

The next day we decide that a Riley Family Meeting needs to be held to discuss the topic. It is scheduled for Sunday, in typical Riley fashion. At that meeting we decide that every family individually needs to pray separately about if God wants them to move to Texas, and if so, when. And we also basically decide it was all or nothing-all families would go, or no one would go (except our little Megan who is finishing nursing school in San Diego :-( This is when it starts getting a little more real. We are talking dates, locations, the whole deal. But now instead of being in freak out stage, I am focusing on what God wants us to do. It seemed as though Erin and Taylor knew almost immediately what God wanted for them. Several days after the meeting, I felt like God told me, "Yes." I'm not going to lie, mini freak out. By myself. In the middle of the night. I didn't want Jimmy to be influenced by what I had heard, so I waited for him to tell me what he heard. His struggle was leaving his family, especially his mom who had recently had some health problems. But we both felt the overwhelming voice of The Lord telling us this was what He wanted, and that He knows the desires of our hearts and that He can make things possible that we can't imagine. And soon after that my parents said they are going too! So...we are moving to Austin.

At first we kept it quiet. It is very awkward to tell people that you are moving half way across the country away from everyone and every thing you know. At this point, I had never once stepped foot in Texas, and Jimmy would't until we arrived to move in. Which made it even more awkward. Even the most kind people could start the doubt in my mind with their well meaning questions. It took lots of prayer and being covered in prayer from the amazing friends around me to finally get the courage to stop saying "I know, it's crazy we are moving to Texas." and start saying, "God told us to move to Texas. And I am excited to see what He has planned." The more I said it, the easier it was.

As time started moving quickly, we prayed a lot over when to go. We felt like God was telling us August before school started. So Jimmy started the ball rolling on getting his work transfer and I started looking for houses. A true blessing from this transition is that because of the lower housing prices we could actually buy a home that met all of our needs. My mom, my sister, and the kids (yes all three) and I all flew out to scout the area. That is when we met our awesome Realtor Jason. He showed us around the areas that fit our wish lists and we settled on a general area. It was between Round Rock and Pflugerville. With the market the way it is here, we couldn't make any offers until about a month and a half before we moved. So we looked at the sorts of houses we could afford here and imagined what it would be like to live in Texas.

So now we have a time and a location. It is super for real now. In the next few months we prepared to buy a home, spent lots of time with friends and family, and enjoyed California. During this whole process God confirmed and reconfirmed every aspect. Jimmy's work puts out a letter saying they need people so badly in Austin, they will pay for partial moving expenses. My brother-in-law Taylor gets an email from his school saying they are looking for paramedics in the Austin area, flys out for the interview, and gets it. My dads company creates a job for him in San Antonio (which, by the way, is a little far from Austin, so they decide to buy a house in the town between San Antonio and Austin, which is called San Marcos, Tx.) These and many more. Too many things that could not be explained away. He wanted us to know that without a doubt, this was His plan.

Fast forward to July 1, six weeks before we move. Our Realtor is sending us videos of the houses we like from online. We decide to put an offer on a house that we think will be perfect for us. It doesn't work out. (Come on, that would have been too easy.) Two days later, we find another house. It seems even better then the first! We put our offer in, only to find out it has some structural problems because of a very sloped driveway. We withdraw our offer. It sounds silly now looking back, because we were only two days and two offers in, but I was starting to get frustrated and a little nervous. We were moving in less then six weeks to a place where we didn't know anyone! We had to have somewhere to go. Two days after this offer withdrawal, I am hitting up Redfin every morning to see what's new on the market. In the back of my mind the whole time before we started making offers I heard a little Voice saying, "it's not on the market yet." This particular morning there is a new listing in Pflugerville. It has one picture of the front and the details of the house. That's it. I knew it. I knew this was it. I called and texted the Realtor four times before 10am (poor guy.) I needed to to know what was inside!!! He called from the house and gave me an overview of the rooms, yard, condition, size, pool (yes pool!) and said it was probably his favorite one he had seen for us so far. We prayed about it and said, "Put an offer!" They accepted and didn't even counter. Third times the charm, and now when I think about it, I think God wanted the number three in the process so I would know without a doubt that He was the one orchestrating the whole thing.

So we have a time, we have a location, and we have our first home. Now we just have to get there. Leaving is the hardest part. As the days counted down I felt weirdly calm and almost had no emotion about leaving. My dear friend told me I didn't know what leaving looked like, so I probably couldn't feel it. I also think God was protecting me from any emotions that would have made me not want to go. I spent the days playing on the beach with friends, visiting with people I would miss, and soaking in the loving atmosphere of our church. We had a going away party that was blessed with so many people from different parts of our lives and family that we wouldn't get to see for awhile. The day before we left, we were brought on stage at a place that we called home for the last 5 1/2 years. The place my husband became a believer, where I started walking out my faith, where our babies were dedicated, where our son was baptized, where we made friends who became our family, where God changed our hearts. When we were brought on stage and sent off in prayer from our pastor and the church...the emotions broke loose. They rushed me like a flood. It was harder to leave that place then anything or anyone else. The only thing that kept me going was knowing, knowing, with all my heart that God has a plan for a ministry in Texas. That He is going to use everything we learned from the Movement to teach and equip people at the next church we go to, and learn from them too.

So now we are here. In our home. The home that really belongs to God. In a town with a funny name that we are starting discover. In a place that brings us new experiences every day. Every day I wake up and think, "Is this where I get to live? Thank You Lord." And every day I see another piece of the puzzle as to why God wants us here. Thank You Lord.

The verses that confirmed it all: "The Lord had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you. "I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing." (Genesis 12:1, 2 NIV)

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