What Do I Do With This Child?

Where do I even start... My 4 year old is insane. Ok... Probably not, but sometimes I really do wonder. She is prone to have wild tantrums that turn her into an animal like creature whose rage cycle can only be shutdown by isolation from people and until she fills her yelling/screaming/kicking quota. I wish I was kidding or exaggerating, but it happens. And I am frustrated. I think I am the most frustrated because after trying everything under the sun I thought I had found a solution. We worked on a goal of not having tantrums all day, and if she made it through the day she got a sticker on her "Happy Chart." For six days straight she made her goal everyday and I felt like we had finally found something that's works. But in the last 24 hours she has had two. And they have been worse then ever. It's like she saved up all her crazy juice and now spewed it all over us.

"God, what do I do with this child?"

Now I sit with my Bible, looking through passages that I have underlined before, searching for an answer. I turn to my trusty Fruit of the Spirit for comfort, but God draws me right below it.

"Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith." (Galatians 6:1-5, 9, 10 NLT) (underlines mine)

This. This is exactly what I needed. I'm sure Paul had adults in mind when he wrote this, but the way it relates to a parent and child is spot on. Boy, did I need this one,

"if another believer is overcome by some sin,"- When Ava is struggling with her emotions and self control, she is overcome (if you could witness how overcome she was, you wouldn't believe your eyes). And we as parents sometimes are overcome while they are overcome. We are overcome with anger at the behavior, resentment that you have to deal with situation again, and fear that they are always going to be like this. I pray everyday that this phase will pass. Quickly.

"should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path."-The out of control behavior caused by refusing to listen to someone who wants to help you is a sin I would like to help her learn to give to Jesus while she is a child making child size mistakes in my home rather then making adult size mistakes that have lasting consequences later. How can I help her with that? By matching her anger with more anger? Or "gently and humbly" helping her back to the path of peace. And sanity. For both of us.

What I have learned so far in my parenting journey is this: every tantrum, every sassy answer, every lie, every screaming no!, is an opportunity. It's an opportunity for me to show my kids Jesus' love, care, and forgiveness. He loves us when we sin against Him, even though we don't deserve it. He cares enough to gently help us back onto the right path through gentle correction and discipline. And He forgives us. Every. Single. Time. Every time. When we don't deserve it. Ever. But He does anyway. And that is my goal, to show my children Jesus through me. I will make mistakes, and I pray they will forgive me. But I will try. And because God knew we would get frustrated, just like I am today, He gave us this verse.

"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."(Galatians 6:9 NLT)

He gives me what I need. Every single time I ask for it. And even when I don't.

Thank you Lord for never giving up on me, even when I deserve that. Please give me the same unrelenting love and commitment to my children, even when they don't deserve it. You are so good to us. Amen

 

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A Lesson in Mommyhood

As I have said many times, this blog is a record of my journey through life so I can remember what happens, since time flies by. I have to record this conversation immediately so I don't forget the words.

Ava and I playing house while everyone else was at worship night:

Ava: Mommy, do you want to play house with me?

Me: Sure Ava.

Ava: Ok, you are the girl and I am the mommy. Ok?

Me: Ok.

Ava: I am going to put you to bed. (putting blankets on me.) Good night! I am going to sleep over here in my room.

Me: Mommy! Mommy! I need you, I'm scared! (reenacting a typical night in our house.)

Ava: It's ok honey, what's wrong, what happened?

Me: I had a bad dream, I want you.

Ava: Oh, it's ok. You know what I'm going to do? I am going to pray for you, ok? Jesus, please help Caite sleep with no dreams and help her to calm down so she can be happy tomorrow. In Jesus name, Amen. Ok, do you feel better? I can sleep right here next to you tonight if that makes you feel better.

Me: Ok mommy, I love you.

Ava: Ok, it's morning time!

Me: I don't feel good mommy, can you take care if me?

Ava: Yes, I am going to pray for you. Jesus, please heal her so she feels better so we can have a fun day tomorrow at the beach. Amen. Ok,I am going to get you some remedies. Ok, there you go, do you feel better?

Me: Yes mommy, thank you.

This game of role reversals went on for another hour quite similarly. I was sick, she would take care of me so sweetly. I would build a tower of blocks and she would take pictures and videos of me on the IPhone. She folded the laundry and I put them in piles. We mirrored our everyday life, but just with her doing my job and me doing her part.

But the cool thing about tonight is God uses the ordinary, everyday things to give us revelations and open our eyes. God gave me a few beautiful gems that I would have never noticed without Him.

1) Even though some days seem like my kids don't here a single word I say, they talk through me saying bedtime prayers, they scream in my face when I tell them they can't do something,even when all this happens, they still hear me. She said the exact things I say to her, "let me pray for you," "let me get you a remedy," "let me take a picture of you." When she is being mommy, she says the words she remembers mommy saying.

2) When I first pretended I was scared after she put me to bed, I was being silly to show her how she sounds sometimes. But for a split second before she opened her mouth to comfort me, I was afraid. I was afraid she would mimic me in a different way. If she said, "you're fine, go to sleep, do not get up again," she would have been just as accurate. That made me sad... Sometimes conviction hurts.

3) Several times this week we have discussed treating others how you want to be treated, and tonight my tiny girl showed that to me. She was so sweet and loving and kind. She was patient and gentle to her "little girl." She showed me how she wanted to be treated as a child.

I was so in awe of this little creature. This child who can go from laughing to punching in seconds, who feels everything in life 100%, who is so unpredictably volatile sometimes I wonder how she will get through the next 15 years of school. This baby girl was being the sweetest mama I wish that I could be daily.

I could feel guilty for the way I act sometimes, I could wish I was the perfect mom, but I'm not going to do either of those things. I am going to take tonight as the sweet, precious gem of a reminder that it is. A reminder that God can allow them to remember the good and forget the bad. And, that the lessons I am trying to teach my children can be taught me in even more clarity then I have been able to teach them. I learned a lesson in being a mom tonight from my little girl. Thank you Lord for allowing these beautiful lessons to come from the mouths of babes.

The father (mother) of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise. (Proverbs 23:24 NLT)

 

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