What To Do When You're Tired, Frustrated, and Selfish

Do you ever start reading the Bible and come across a passage that you can´t believe is in there. You read it several times through just to make sure you read what you thought you read? Well if you haven´t, go ahead and read Matthew 14:1-12. And then you can send me emails saying, ¨What the what?¨ and I can try to explain it the way my Bible study leader did today.

Thankfully, that was not the end of the story. Matthew tells us of the horrific end to John the Baptist and then ends it in only the way Jesus could. He tells us, ¨Now when Jesus heard {about the beheading of John the Baptist}, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns.¨ Matthew 14:13{inserted from prior verses for clarity}

Jesus just found out that John the Baptist-the proclaimer of the Messiah, the chosen prophet, and-oh yeah-Jesus´ cousin-had been beheaded by an evil ruler and his even more evil wife. That is enough to make a person sick, sad, and looking for solitude.

But don´t forget, the people of the area are starting to catch on that this man is like no other man. He is healing sickness, bringing new life, preforming miracles-and they have no idea what He is going to do in the near future to confirm His identity as the son of God. They want a piece of this man. They want His presence. They want His healing touch.

So what does He do? He had every right to send them away. After all, He was morning His cousin and friend. He was tired from a long journey. And He was being mobbed left and right and he was just in sight of rest.

What does He do? ¨When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.¨v. 14. He had compassion and healed them.

When I read this today, it struck me. It struck me like no other time I have ever read this. Jesus was tired. Probably more tired then I have ever been. Yet...He saw them. He interacted with them, He healed them, He loved on them, He gave them what they were looking for.

And as I contemplated this...as God often does, He made it relevant to my life. When I am exhausted, scared, frustrated, mourning, or just plain selfish, and my kids need me...I can choose to respond as Jesus did. They don´t see tiredness, inner feelings, or the thoughts going on in my head. They see their mom. You could be their favorite person in the whole world and all they want is a little bit of your time, a portion of your attention, they just want to be loved on.

And this is not just for parents of young children. This is about that person who needs you, who likes spending time with you, the person you might not even realize looks to your for inspiration and joy. They are in your homes, at your jobs, in your churches, in your neighborhoods. Whoever and whenever it is that someone needs you and you feel like you have nothing left to give, remember... Jesus and His compassion for us when He was searching for rest in a desolate place.

When we are in the middle of these feelings of inadequacy, under preparedness for a task at hand, mental exhaustion, or whatever it may be, it is easy to dismiss or distract. But the joy, the beautiful joy that comes from giving that child or that person the last ounce you have with a happy heart and genuine intention, that joy could be just what you needed to get out of that emotion cycle and finish your day renewed.

Jesus came to this earth to have the full human experience so He could better comfort us when we are down and celebrate with us when we feel joy. He knows how you feel and He shows us the perfect example of how to respond.

In the same way He had compassion on the people that day over 2000 years ago, He has compassion for us. When we need Him, He will be there. Every. Time. Lean on Him, let him refresh your soul so you can be that person for someone who might not know Him yet.

Thank you Father for sending your son as the perfect example. It is impossible to be perfect like Him, and that is not what you ask for. You look at our hearts and our desires to strive to be like Him and glorify you. Please give me the energy and inclination to respond to my children, husband, family, friends, and neighbors as Jesus has responded to us all along. Thank you for giving us your word which is relevant and timeless. You are awesome. AMEN!

Heart Change in 2014

Happy New Year! This joyous moment when all things are new, fresh, and all things are possible. 

I´m going to lose those 15 lbs! 

I am going to read my Bible every day! 

I am going to- 

And before you can finish that sentence you are back on the couch, searching through Pinterest, pinning recipes for Reese´s in between Oreo´s dipped in chocolate. (And I´m bot going to lie, those things are delicious.) 

This year I remembered all the resolutions I have failed on in the past and decided not to make any resolutions. Several days later my lovely friend summed up the reasoning in the perfect way, she wrote:

  ¨I decided not to make any New Years resolutions this year. Very strange for me. I've learned over the last few years that without a true heart change no behavior modification will ever really last. Most of my past New Years resolutions were exactly that, behavior modifications I was hoping to implement. I have seen in my own life that when a truth sets in and your heart changes then the behavior modification follows as an outpouring of that heart change. It's completely different.¨

Her words were exactly what God had put on my heart, my brain was just not able to formulate it in such a perfect way. Behavior modification is not a lasting plan. Jesus coming in and doing heart surgery, that´s a lasting plan. 

What has God put on your heart for 2014? Is it more of Him? Less of the world? More family time? Less electronics? More nature? Less couch?

Whatever it is, whatever you keep hearing God whisper in your ear...Just Do It.

Do the things that God is putting on your heart. Because friend, they are there for a reason. There are things God wants you to experience and learn and grow from. There are things, that if you just open your eyes and pay attention, He will blow your mind with.

Things that once seemed mundane or difficult or impossible or scary can now seem exciting and easy and doable and amazing.

But the only way you will experience these wonders is by doing it. 

So take Nike´s advice and Just Do It.

You won´t regret it.

What has God put on your heart, I want to know!

Joy (Covered in Poop)

Sometimes, life is just perfect. And sometimes, life is full of crap. Literal crap, like a toddler covered in poop. This is what a found a few weeks ago in my youngest daughters room. Sadie was supposed to be taking a nap when I heard her chattering away to herself. When I poked my head in the room to check on her, my nose was met by the aroma which could mean nothing else.

¨Poop Mama!¨

She sounded so happy. As if she had discovered instead of waste coming out of her butt it was play-dough. There was my sweet baby, standing in her beautiful crib, covered in feces. In my horror I snatched her out of her crib, held her at arms length, ran her up the stairs, and plopped her in my tub. At this point I had enough sense in me to snap a picture, because, although at this moment I wanted nothing more then to make this go away, I knew later this would be something I was glad I documented.

After I scrubbed the literal crap out of my little girl, washed everything in the crib, and detailed that bed like it had never been cleaned before, I laughed. I laughed at this little person I made who had the idea that poop was fun to play with. I laughed that one day soon this would be a funny story to tell. I laughed because there was not much else I could do.

I thought about the children God has blessed me with that bring so many emotions and experiences to my life. Although it would be hard for you to think of a shenanigan that my kids haven´t pulled, I am thankful for their curiosity, their imagination, their tenacity, their spirit, and their joy. I could easily get upset, scream, and complain about all the mischief my kids get into (and don´t get me wrong, sometimes I do.) Or... I could laugh. I could imagine all the amazing things my kids will experience in their lifetime because of their active minds and unstoppable hearts. And I could imagine all the joy that I will experience by watching them live their dreams.

So if you gave me the choice between a well behaved, compliant child without curiosity and spunk or a spirited, joyful, child who is full of life, I would pick the one covered in poop any day.

¨A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.¨ Proverbs 17:22

How We Got to Where We Are

I sit here during the quiet of nap time in my new home. In my new town. In my new state. Sometimes it doesn't seem real. I ask myself several times a day, "Is this really where I am?" It is a surreal feeling and I wonder when it will wear off. Maybe never? Some of you may be wondering why we moved to Texas. And this is an explanation of sorts. But it's also a story, one I never want to forget any part of. So, I write it down, here, for myself, and anyone else who wants to know.

A long time ago (actually about 10 months ago) a very wise man (my dad) brought up an idea.

"When I retire in four years, I am going to move to San Marcos, Texas."

"Yeah, whatever." I thought to myself. I had heard similar ideas before. But apparently, that's not what my husband, my sister, and my brother-in-law thought. They thought, "Let's check it out!" So they did, they Googled what it's like to live in Texas and found out many amazing things. Way cheaper cost of living, plentiful jobs, wonderful place to raise a family. Still I am thinking to myself, "Yeah, whatever." Lots of people have ideas, but this is a big idea that would take a lot of change. Fast forward 24 hours. I have basically forgotten about moving to Texas, probably because I never thought it was a real possibility. Jimmy comes home from Bible Study Fellowship and tells me he is seriously considering moving us all to Texas. And then promptly falls asleep within seconds. What..... What?!?!? Commence freak out stage. I am Googling, looking at CityData.com, trying to look everywhere I can to find out more about this foreign land called Texas. I am looking everywhere, except for up.

The next day we decide that a Riley Family Meeting needs to be held to discuss the topic. It is scheduled for Sunday, in typical Riley fashion. At that meeting we decide that every family individually needs to pray separately about if God wants them to move to Texas, and if so, when. And we also basically decide it was all or nothing-all families would go, or no one would go (except our little Megan who is finishing nursing school in San Diego :-( This is when it starts getting a little more real. We are talking dates, locations, the whole deal. But now instead of being in freak out stage, I am focusing on what God wants us to do. It seemed as though Erin and Taylor knew almost immediately what God wanted for them. Several days after the meeting, I felt like God told me, "Yes." I'm not going to lie, mini freak out. By myself. In the middle of the night. I didn't want Jimmy to be influenced by what I had heard, so I waited for him to tell me what he heard. His struggle was leaving his family, especially his mom who had recently had some health problems. But we both felt the overwhelming voice of The Lord telling us this was what He wanted, and that He knows the desires of our hearts and that He can make things possible that we can't imagine. And soon after that my parents said they are going too! So...we are moving to Austin.

At first we kept it quiet. It is very awkward to tell people that you are moving half way across the country away from everyone and every thing you know. At this point, I had never once stepped foot in Texas, and Jimmy would't until we arrived to move in. Which made it even more awkward. Even the most kind people could start the doubt in my mind with their well meaning questions. It took lots of prayer and being covered in prayer from the amazing friends around me to finally get the courage to stop saying "I know, it's crazy we are moving to Texas." and start saying, "God told us to move to Texas. And I am excited to see what He has planned." The more I said it, the easier it was.

As time started moving quickly, we prayed a lot over when to go. We felt like God was telling us August before school started. So Jimmy started the ball rolling on getting his work transfer and I started looking for houses. A true blessing from this transition is that because of the lower housing prices we could actually buy a home that met all of our needs. My mom, my sister, and the kids (yes all three) and I all flew out to scout the area. That is when we met our awesome Realtor Jason. He showed us around the areas that fit our wish lists and we settled on a general area. It was between Round Rock and Pflugerville. With the market the way it is here, we couldn't make any offers until about a month and a half before we moved. So we looked at the sorts of houses we could afford here and imagined what it would be like to live in Texas.

So now we have a time and a location. It is super for real now. In the next few months we prepared to buy a home, spent lots of time with friends and family, and enjoyed California. During this whole process God confirmed and reconfirmed every aspect. Jimmy's work puts out a letter saying they need people so badly in Austin, they will pay for partial moving expenses. My brother-in-law Taylor gets an email from his school saying they are looking for paramedics in the Austin area, flys out for the interview, and gets it. My dads company creates a job for him in San Antonio (which, by the way, is a little far from Austin, so they decide to buy a house in the town between San Antonio and Austin, which is called San Marcos, Tx.) These and many more. Too many things that could not be explained away. He wanted us to know that without a doubt, this was His plan.

Fast forward to July 1, six weeks before we move. Our Realtor is sending us videos of the houses we like from online. We decide to put an offer on a house that we think will be perfect for us. It doesn't work out. (Come on, that would have been too easy.) Two days later, we find another house. It seems even better then the first! We put our offer in, only to find out it has some structural problems because of a very sloped driveway. We withdraw our offer. It sounds silly now looking back, because we were only two days and two offers in, but I was starting to get frustrated and a little nervous. We were moving in less then six weeks to a place where we didn't know anyone! We had to have somewhere to go. Two days after this offer withdrawal, I am hitting up Redfin every morning to see what's new on the market. In the back of my mind the whole time before we started making offers I heard a little Voice saying, "it's not on the market yet." This particular morning there is a new listing in Pflugerville. It has one picture of the front and the details of the house. That's it. I knew it. I knew this was it. I called and texted the Realtor four times before 10am (poor guy.) I needed to to know what was inside!!! He called from the house and gave me an overview of the rooms, yard, condition, size, pool (yes pool!) and said it was probably his favorite one he had seen for us so far. We prayed about it and said, "Put an offer!" They accepted and didn't even counter. Third times the charm, and now when I think about it, I think God wanted the number three in the process so I would know without a doubt that He was the one orchestrating the whole thing.

So we have a time, we have a location, and we have our first home. Now we just have to get there. Leaving is the hardest part. As the days counted down I felt weirdly calm and almost had no emotion about leaving. My dear friend told me I didn't know what leaving looked like, so I probably couldn't feel it. I also think God was protecting me from any emotions that would have made me not want to go. I spent the days playing on the beach with friends, visiting with people I would miss, and soaking in the loving atmosphere of our church. We had a going away party that was blessed with so many people from different parts of our lives and family that we wouldn't get to see for awhile. The day before we left, we were brought on stage at a place that we called home for the last 5 1/2 years. The place my husband became a believer, where I started walking out my faith, where our babies were dedicated, where our son was baptized, where we made friends who became our family, where God changed our hearts. When we were brought on stage and sent off in prayer from our pastor and the church...the emotions broke loose. They rushed me like a flood. It was harder to leave that place then anything or anyone else. The only thing that kept me going was knowing, knowing, with all my heart that God has a plan for a ministry in Texas. That He is going to use everything we learned from the Movement to teach and equip people at the next church we go to, and learn from them too.

So now we are here. In our home. The home that really belongs to God. In a town with a funny name that we are starting discover. In a place that brings us new experiences every day. Every day I wake up and think, "Is this where I get to live? Thank You Lord." And every day I see another piece of the puzzle as to why God wants us here. Thank You Lord.

The verses that confirmed it all: "The Lord had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you. "I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing." (Genesis 12:1, 2 NIV)

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A Lesson in Mommyhood

As I have said many times, this blog is a record of my journey through life so I can remember what happens, since time flies by. I have to record this conversation immediately so I don't forget the words.

Ava and I playing house while everyone else was at worship night:

Ava: Mommy, do you want to play house with me?

Me: Sure Ava.

Ava: Ok, you are the girl and I am the mommy. Ok?

Me: Ok.

Ava: I am going to put you to bed. (putting blankets on me.) Good night! I am going to sleep over here in my room.

Me: Mommy! Mommy! I need you, I'm scared! (reenacting a typical night in our house.)

Ava: It's ok honey, what's wrong, what happened?

Me: I had a bad dream, I want you.

Ava: Oh, it's ok. You know what I'm going to do? I am going to pray for you, ok? Jesus, please help Caite sleep with no dreams and help her to calm down so she can be happy tomorrow. In Jesus name, Amen. Ok, do you feel better? I can sleep right here next to you tonight if that makes you feel better.

Me: Ok mommy, I love you.

Ava: Ok, it's morning time!

Me: I don't feel good mommy, can you take care if me?

Ava: Yes, I am going to pray for you. Jesus, please heal her so she feels better so we can have a fun day tomorrow at the beach. Amen. Ok,I am going to get you some remedies. Ok, there you go, do you feel better?

Me: Yes mommy, thank you.

This game of role reversals went on for another hour quite similarly. I was sick, she would take care of me so sweetly. I would build a tower of blocks and she would take pictures and videos of me on the IPhone. She folded the laundry and I put them in piles. We mirrored our everyday life, but just with her doing my job and me doing her part.

But the cool thing about tonight is God uses the ordinary, everyday things to give us revelations and open our eyes. God gave me a few beautiful gems that I would have never noticed without Him.

1) Even though some days seem like my kids don't here a single word I say, they talk through me saying bedtime prayers, they scream in my face when I tell them they can't do something,even when all this happens, they still hear me. She said the exact things I say to her, "let me pray for you," "let me get you a remedy," "let me take a picture of you." When she is being mommy, she says the words she remembers mommy saying.

2) When I first pretended I was scared after she put me to bed, I was being silly to show her how she sounds sometimes. But for a split second before she opened her mouth to comfort me, I was afraid. I was afraid she would mimic me in a different way. If she said, "you're fine, go to sleep, do not get up again," she would have been just as accurate. That made me sad... Sometimes conviction hurts.

3) Several times this week we have discussed treating others how you want to be treated, and tonight my tiny girl showed that to me. She was so sweet and loving and kind. She was patient and gentle to her "little girl." She showed me how she wanted to be treated as a child.

I was so in awe of this little creature. This child who can go from laughing to punching in seconds, who feels everything in life 100%, who is so unpredictably volatile sometimes I wonder how she will get through the next 15 years of school. This baby girl was being the sweetest mama I wish that I could be daily.

I could feel guilty for the way I act sometimes, I could wish I was the perfect mom, but I'm not going to do either of those things. I am going to take tonight as the sweet, precious gem of a reminder that it is. A reminder that God can allow them to remember the good and forget the bad. And, that the lessons I am trying to teach my children can be taught me in even more clarity then I have been able to teach them. I learned a lesson in being a mom tonight from my little girl. Thank you Lord for allowing these beautiful lessons to come from the mouths of babes.

The father (mother) of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise. (Proverbs 23:24 NLT)

 

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Discerning the Voice of God: All in His Timing

Time flies by. I should start keep tracking of how many times I have said that on this blog. But it does! Summer is almost here, my baby is almost finished with first grade, all of my babies are about to be another year older, and I feel like I just had them yesterday. So I must document everything so that I don't forget in the busyness of life.

With all that life brings and all the distractions pulling for my time, it is easy to get lost and not hear what the Lord is saying. Thankfully, God knows this about me. With three kids, an impending move, homeschooling, church, sports, cleaning (like that happens), and everything else, God knew I needed something to focus my attention on. Several weeks ago, He lead me to be involved in a morning Bible study at our church. The topic: Discerning the Voice of God. Which couldn't have been more perfect (go figure) with all the changes coming my way. I started this study excitedly anticipating what God had to show me, and true to His character, He has blown me away more then I could have ever hoped for. Every. Single. Day. Every word. They are gems. It's unbelievable how perfect the timing is with small and large events occurring in my life. It is interesting to me how I am still surprised when the Lord lines things up so perfectly. You'd think I would get it after He has revealed this to me so many wonderful times! But really, the synchronization of this study and our planning is perfect, just like Him. :-) God...why are you good to us?!

 

The thing that struck me so strongly today is His timing. So many times in my life I have heard the whisper in my ear, "Hurry. Hurry! If you wait the (house, job, car, insert-word-here) will be gone. Dont wait for confirmation, just do it. Now!" The pressure-sometimes internal, sometimes external. The feeling that nothing as good as this will come along. Well, if any of you have ever felt that feeling, get ready for some freedom my friend. Look at this...

"Discerning the Voice of God," Priscilla Shirer

That is the enemy, not the Lord! Yes, God will sometimes speak to you in urgency, but it will never be demeaning or negative. He will never rush you without confirmation and peace. He will lovingly lead you to the decision that best works for His plan for you, His plan for the world, and His plan to glorify Himself. How comforting, freeing, and awesome is that! You never again have to worry if you are making the right decision or if you need to hurry and decide. If He hasn't given you peace, it's not the time to make that decision. God is so good to us, to guide His people individually. If you have decisions coming up that you have not yet heard the Lord's voice in, keep this in mind. And it doesn't matter if they are big or small, He wants to guide you in all of them.

Thank you Lord! Please let us remember that each decision is in Your timing, not ours! You see our life spread out before us like only you can. You are coordinating all the events in your time, place, and circumstance. We thank you Lord for you attention to detail in our small, individual lives. We don't deserve that, yet You bless us with it. Thank you Gracious Lord!

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven...a time to be silent and a time to speak." Ecclesiastes 3:1,7

 

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Freedom to Grow

Time flies by. Especially when you don't have a great concept of time anyway. I feel like my last post wasn't long ago, but it was. In the time that has passed, some interesting things have happened. One of them is this-

I had been dreaming about this piece for at least a year, probably longer. I was hesitant at first, because I don't know what my profession will be in the second part of my life (when all my babies are grown and don't need me anymore, waaaaaa!) What if I want to do soemthing that I cannot do with a huge tattoo on my arm??? But God showed me that I am to live in freedom, not fear. Whatever He leads me to will allow for my most recent permanent addition. I might have been worried and fearful for years just to end up doing something that I could have done with tattoos anyway. And not only that, but having a tattoo so large and prominent is a great witnessing tool. I have already been asked about it several times in the last few weeks about it by non believers. They always say the same thing, "Ooo, self control. That's the hardest one." And as my babies are learning to read and I am teaching them the fruit of the spirit, I will have it in a very handy place for them to read from ;-)

So now that I have conquered the fears through Christ's freedom, I feel very different. I feel bold. Kind of B.A. (if you not know what that is, it's probably a good thing.) I have a new passion and no one is going to stop me. It's a lovely feeling ;-) And it is time I started writing some of these thoughts down again.

I stumbled across my mom's NIV/The Message side by side Bible today. I started looking up some favorite passages. The translation of Galations 5: 22-26 struck me as so brand new. I love The Message, not as a study Bible, but as a different interpretation with the same meaning, a breathe of fresh air, an understandable story. Read with me,

"22-23 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

23-24 Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.

25-26 Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original." Galatians 5:22-26

Read it again (please). Soak it in. Breathe the words. Meditate on what He is telling you. I love every single letter. Fist of all, where Paul says, "He brings gifts into our lives." I always thought of the fruit as something that was growing, like a joint partnership between God and I growing these fruit. But I can also see them as gifts. God is giving me these gifts, things I could never do on my own. My pastor said something funny this weekend. He said that you never see a tree trying to grow fruit, struggling to make it happen (and then he acted out how that would look.) It is something that happens naturally when God grows something, when we rely on Him, water our life with His living water, it grows. And He can grow things mire beautiful then any man can make. And this part, this part is awesome: "legalism is helpless, it only gets in the way." Something I hear frequently from one of my favorite bands, Casting Crowns, is that Jesus wants everyone to know Him, but that sometimes we get in the way. When we care more about enforcing rules then reaching hearts, we get in His way. He freed us from the old law, live in that freedom! He freed us from our sins and death! Live like that means something to you! It's the best gift you could ever receive, and YOU get to invite people to receive that gift freely! Why aren't we doing this more and with more passion! Let's do this people!!!! And to make it even easier, we don't have to care what people think of us and we don't have to judge others, either. Verse 26 says "that means we will not compare ourselves with each other as is one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original." However you feel called to reach people is how you are supposed to do it. The way I do it and the way you do it may not be the same, but we are both called. We are original people with a identical purpose: shine the light of Jesus so bright, no one can deny you are different from this world. They are going to want what you have, and that is the love and forgiveness that comes with a relationship with the one and only Savior. Is there anything more exciting then that!?! Ok, I am excited. I hope you are too. What is one thing you can start doing today? One thing that Godnhas been putting on your heart to reach people? Do it. Maybe posting a scripture on Facebook. Maybe talking to your neighbor. Maybe inviting your coworker to church. Whatever it is, do it. I promise you it will be worth it.

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