Joy (Covered in Poop)

Sometimes, life is just perfect. And sometimes, life is full of crap. Literal crap, like a toddler covered in poop. This is what a found a few weeks ago in my youngest daughters room. Sadie was supposed to be taking a nap when I heard her chattering away to herself. When I poked my head in the room to check on her, my nose was met by the aroma which could mean nothing else.

¨Poop Mama!¨

She sounded so happy. As if she had discovered instead of waste coming out of her butt it was play-dough. There was my sweet baby, standing in her beautiful crib, covered in feces. In my horror I snatched her out of her crib, held her at arms length, ran her up the stairs, and plopped her in my tub. At this point I had enough sense in me to snap a picture, because, although at this moment I wanted nothing more then to make this go away, I knew later this would be something I was glad I documented.

After I scrubbed the literal crap out of my little girl, washed everything in the crib, and detailed that bed like it had never been cleaned before, I laughed. I laughed at this little person I made who had the idea that poop was fun to play with. I laughed that one day soon this would be a funny story to tell. I laughed because there was not much else I could do.

I thought about the children God has blessed me with that bring so many emotions and experiences to my life. Although it would be hard for you to think of a shenanigan that my kids haven´t pulled, I am thankful for their curiosity, their imagination, their tenacity, their spirit, and their joy. I could easily get upset, scream, and complain about all the mischief my kids get into (and don´t get me wrong, sometimes I do.) Or... I could laugh. I could imagine all the amazing things my kids will experience in their lifetime because of their active minds and unstoppable hearts. And I could imagine all the joy that I will experience by watching them live their dreams.

So if you gave me the choice between a well behaved, compliant child without curiosity and spunk or a spirited, joyful, child who is full of life, I would pick the one covered in poop any day.

¨A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.¨ Proverbs 17:22

How We Got to Where We Are

I sit here during the quiet of nap time in my new home. In my new town. In my new state. Sometimes it doesn't seem real. I ask myself several times a day, "Is this really where I am?" It is a surreal feeling and I wonder when it will wear off. Maybe never? Some of you may be wondering why we moved to Texas. And this is an explanation of sorts. But it's also a story, one I never want to forget any part of. So, I write it down, here, for myself, and anyone else who wants to know.

A long time ago (actually about 10 months ago) a very wise man (my dad) brought up an idea.

"When I retire in four years, I am going to move to San Marcos, Texas."

"Yeah, whatever." I thought to myself. I had heard similar ideas before. But apparently, that's not what my husband, my sister, and my brother-in-law thought. They thought, "Let's check it out!" So they did, they Googled what it's like to live in Texas and found out many amazing things. Way cheaper cost of living, plentiful jobs, wonderful place to raise a family. Still I am thinking to myself, "Yeah, whatever." Lots of people have ideas, but this is a big idea that would take a lot of change. Fast forward 24 hours. I have basically forgotten about moving to Texas, probably because I never thought it was a real possibility. Jimmy comes home from Bible Study Fellowship and tells me he is seriously considering moving us all to Texas. And then promptly falls asleep within seconds. What..... What?!?!? Commence freak out stage. I am Googling, looking at CityData.com, trying to look everywhere I can to find out more about this foreign land called Texas. I am looking everywhere, except for up.

The next day we decide that a Riley Family Meeting needs to be held to discuss the topic. It is scheduled for Sunday, in typical Riley fashion. At that meeting we decide that every family individually needs to pray separately about if God wants them to move to Texas, and if so, when. And we also basically decide it was all or nothing-all families would go, or no one would go (except our little Megan who is finishing nursing school in San Diego :-( This is when it starts getting a little more real. We are talking dates, locations, the whole deal. But now instead of being in freak out stage, I am focusing on what God wants us to do. It seemed as though Erin and Taylor knew almost immediately what God wanted for them. Several days after the meeting, I felt like God told me, "Yes." I'm not going to lie, mini freak out. By myself. In the middle of the night. I didn't want Jimmy to be influenced by what I had heard, so I waited for him to tell me what he heard. His struggle was leaving his family, especially his mom who had recently had some health problems. But we both felt the overwhelming voice of The Lord telling us this was what He wanted, and that He knows the desires of our hearts and that He can make things possible that we can't imagine. And soon after that my parents said they are going too! So...we are moving to Austin.

At first we kept it quiet. It is very awkward to tell people that you are moving half way across the country away from everyone and every thing you know. At this point, I had never once stepped foot in Texas, and Jimmy would't until we arrived to move in. Which made it even more awkward. Even the most kind people could start the doubt in my mind with their well meaning questions. It took lots of prayer and being covered in prayer from the amazing friends around me to finally get the courage to stop saying "I know, it's crazy we are moving to Texas." and start saying, "God told us to move to Texas. And I am excited to see what He has planned." The more I said it, the easier it was.

As time started moving quickly, we prayed a lot over when to go. We felt like God was telling us August before school started. So Jimmy started the ball rolling on getting his work transfer and I started looking for houses. A true blessing from this transition is that because of the lower housing prices we could actually buy a home that met all of our needs. My mom, my sister, and the kids (yes all three) and I all flew out to scout the area. That is when we met our awesome Realtor Jason. He showed us around the areas that fit our wish lists and we settled on a general area. It was between Round Rock and Pflugerville. With the market the way it is here, we couldn't make any offers until about a month and a half before we moved. So we looked at the sorts of houses we could afford here and imagined what it would be like to live in Texas.

So now we have a time and a location. It is super for real now. In the next few months we prepared to buy a home, spent lots of time with friends and family, and enjoyed California. During this whole process God confirmed and reconfirmed every aspect. Jimmy's work puts out a letter saying they need people so badly in Austin, they will pay for partial moving expenses. My brother-in-law Taylor gets an email from his school saying they are looking for paramedics in the Austin area, flys out for the interview, and gets it. My dads company creates a job for him in San Antonio (which, by the way, is a little far from Austin, so they decide to buy a house in the town between San Antonio and Austin, which is called San Marcos, Tx.) These and many more. Too many things that could not be explained away. He wanted us to know that without a doubt, this was His plan.

Fast forward to July 1, six weeks before we move. Our Realtor is sending us videos of the houses we like from online. We decide to put an offer on a house that we think will be perfect for us. It doesn't work out. (Come on, that would have been too easy.) Two days later, we find another house. It seems even better then the first! We put our offer in, only to find out it has some structural problems because of a very sloped driveway. We withdraw our offer. It sounds silly now looking back, because we were only two days and two offers in, but I was starting to get frustrated and a little nervous. We were moving in less then six weeks to a place where we didn't know anyone! We had to have somewhere to go. Two days after this offer withdrawal, I am hitting up Redfin every morning to see what's new on the market. In the back of my mind the whole time before we started making offers I heard a little Voice saying, "it's not on the market yet." This particular morning there is a new listing in Pflugerville. It has one picture of the front and the details of the house. That's it. I knew it. I knew this was it. I called and texted the Realtor four times before 10am (poor guy.) I needed to to know what was inside!!! He called from the house and gave me an overview of the rooms, yard, condition, size, pool (yes pool!) and said it was probably his favorite one he had seen for us so far. We prayed about it and said, "Put an offer!" They accepted and didn't even counter. Third times the charm, and now when I think about it, I think God wanted the number three in the process so I would know without a doubt that He was the one orchestrating the whole thing.

So we have a time, we have a location, and we have our first home. Now we just have to get there. Leaving is the hardest part. As the days counted down I felt weirdly calm and almost had no emotion about leaving. My dear friend told me I didn't know what leaving looked like, so I probably couldn't feel it. I also think God was protecting me from any emotions that would have made me not want to go. I spent the days playing on the beach with friends, visiting with people I would miss, and soaking in the loving atmosphere of our church. We had a going away party that was blessed with so many people from different parts of our lives and family that we wouldn't get to see for awhile. The day before we left, we were brought on stage at a place that we called home for the last 5 1/2 years. The place my husband became a believer, where I started walking out my faith, where our babies were dedicated, where our son was baptized, where we made friends who became our family, where God changed our hearts. When we were brought on stage and sent off in prayer from our pastor and the church...the emotions broke loose. They rushed me like a flood. It was harder to leave that place then anything or anyone else. The only thing that kept me going was knowing, knowing, with all my heart that God has a plan for a ministry in Texas. That He is going to use everything we learned from the Movement to teach and equip people at the next church we go to, and learn from them too.

So now we are here. In our home. The home that really belongs to God. In a town with a funny name that we are starting discover. In a place that brings us new experiences every day. Every day I wake up and think, "Is this where I get to live? Thank You Lord." And every day I see another piece of the puzzle as to why God wants us here. Thank You Lord.

The verses that confirmed it all: "The Lord had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you. "I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing." (Genesis 12:1, 2 NIV)

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A Lesson in Mommyhood

As I have said many times, this blog is a record of my journey through life so I can remember what happens, since time flies by. I have to record this conversation immediately so I don't forget the words.

Ava and I playing house while everyone else was at worship night:

Ava: Mommy, do you want to play house with me?

Me: Sure Ava.

Ava: Ok, you are the girl and I am the mommy. Ok?

Me: Ok.

Ava: I am going to put you to bed. (putting blankets on me.) Good night! I am going to sleep over here in my room.

Me: Mommy! Mommy! I need you, I'm scared! (reenacting a typical night in our house.)

Ava: It's ok honey, what's wrong, what happened?

Me: I had a bad dream, I want you.

Ava: Oh, it's ok. You know what I'm going to do? I am going to pray for you, ok? Jesus, please help Caite sleep with no dreams and help her to calm down so she can be happy tomorrow. In Jesus name, Amen. Ok, do you feel better? I can sleep right here next to you tonight if that makes you feel better.

Me: Ok mommy, I love you.

Ava: Ok, it's morning time!

Me: I don't feel good mommy, can you take care if me?

Ava: Yes, I am going to pray for you. Jesus, please heal her so she feels better so we can have a fun day tomorrow at the beach. Amen. Ok,I am going to get you some remedies. Ok, there you go, do you feel better?

Me: Yes mommy, thank you.

This game of role reversals went on for another hour quite similarly. I was sick, she would take care of me so sweetly. I would build a tower of blocks and she would take pictures and videos of me on the IPhone. She folded the laundry and I put them in piles. We mirrored our everyday life, but just with her doing my job and me doing her part.

But the cool thing about tonight is God uses the ordinary, everyday things to give us revelations and open our eyes. God gave me a few beautiful gems that I would have never noticed without Him.

1) Even though some days seem like my kids don't here a single word I say, they talk through me saying bedtime prayers, they scream in my face when I tell them they can't do something,even when all this happens, they still hear me. She said the exact things I say to her, "let me pray for you," "let me get you a remedy," "let me take a picture of you." When she is being mommy, she says the words she remembers mommy saying.

2) When I first pretended I was scared after she put me to bed, I was being silly to show her how she sounds sometimes. But for a split second before she opened her mouth to comfort me, I was afraid. I was afraid she would mimic me in a different way. If she said, "you're fine, go to sleep, do not get up again," she would have been just as accurate. That made me sad... Sometimes conviction hurts.

3) Several times this week we have discussed treating others how you want to be treated, and tonight my tiny girl showed that to me. She was so sweet and loving and kind. She was patient and gentle to her "little girl." She showed me how she wanted to be treated as a child.

I was so in awe of this little creature. This child who can go from laughing to punching in seconds, who feels everything in life 100%, who is so unpredictably volatile sometimes I wonder how she will get through the next 15 years of school. This baby girl was being the sweetest mama I wish that I could be daily.

I could feel guilty for the way I act sometimes, I could wish I was the perfect mom, but I'm not going to do either of those things. I am going to take tonight as the sweet, precious gem of a reminder that it is. A reminder that God can allow them to remember the good and forget the bad. And, that the lessons I am trying to teach my children can be taught me in even more clarity then I have been able to teach them. I learned a lesson in being a mom tonight from my little girl. Thank you Lord for allowing these beautiful lessons to come from the mouths of babes.

The father (mother) of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise. (Proverbs 23:24 NLT)

 

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Discerning the Voice of God: All in His Timing

Time flies by. I should start keep tracking of how many times I have said that on this blog. But it does! Summer is almost here, my baby is almost finished with first grade, all of my babies are about to be another year older, and I feel like I just had them yesterday. So I must document everything so that I don't forget in the busyness of life.

With all that life brings and all the distractions pulling for my time, it is easy to get lost and not hear what the Lord is saying. Thankfully, God knows this about me. With three kids, an impending move, homeschooling, church, sports, cleaning (like that happens), and everything else, God knew I needed something to focus my attention on. Several weeks ago, He lead me to be involved in a morning Bible study at our church. The topic: Discerning the Voice of God. Which couldn't have been more perfect (go figure) with all the changes coming my way. I started this study excitedly anticipating what God had to show me, and true to His character, He has blown me away more then I could have ever hoped for. Every. Single. Day. Every word. They are gems. It's unbelievable how perfect the timing is with small and large events occurring in my life. It is interesting to me how I am still surprised when the Lord lines things up so perfectly. You'd think I would get it after He has revealed this to me so many wonderful times! But really, the synchronization of this study and our planning is perfect, just like Him. :-) God...why are you good to us?!

 

The thing that struck me so strongly today is His timing. So many times in my life I have heard the whisper in my ear, "Hurry. Hurry! If you wait the (house, job, car, insert-word-here) will be gone. Dont wait for confirmation, just do it. Now!" The pressure-sometimes internal, sometimes external. The feeling that nothing as good as this will come along. Well, if any of you have ever felt that feeling, get ready for some freedom my friend. Look at this...

"Discerning the Voice of God," Priscilla Shirer

That is the enemy, not the Lord! Yes, God will sometimes speak to you in urgency, but it will never be demeaning or negative. He will never rush you without confirmation and peace. He will lovingly lead you to the decision that best works for His plan for you, His plan for the world, and His plan to glorify Himself. How comforting, freeing, and awesome is that! You never again have to worry if you are making the right decision or if you need to hurry and decide. If He hasn't given you peace, it's not the time to make that decision. God is so good to us, to guide His people individually. If you have decisions coming up that you have not yet heard the Lord's voice in, keep this in mind. And it doesn't matter if they are big or small, He wants to guide you in all of them.

Thank you Lord! Please let us remember that each decision is in Your timing, not ours! You see our life spread out before us like only you can. You are coordinating all the events in your time, place, and circumstance. We thank you Lord for you attention to detail in our small, individual lives. We don't deserve that, yet You bless us with it. Thank you Gracious Lord!

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven...a time to be silent and a time to speak." Ecclesiastes 3:1,7

 

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Freedom to Grow

Time flies by. Especially when you don't have a great concept of time anyway. I feel like my last post wasn't long ago, but it was. In the time that has passed, some interesting things have happened. One of them is this-

I had been dreaming about this piece for at least a year, probably longer. I was hesitant at first, because I don't know what my profession will be in the second part of my life (when all my babies are grown and don't need me anymore, waaaaaa!) What if I want to do soemthing that I cannot do with a huge tattoo on my arm??? But God showed me that I am to live in freedom, not fear. Whatever He leads me to will allow for my most recent permanent addition. I might have been worried and fearful for years just to end up doing something that I could have done with tattoos anyway. And not only that, but having a tattoo so large and prominent is a great witnessing tool. I have already been asked about it several times in the last few weeks about it by non believers. They always say the same thing, "Ooo, self control. That's the hardest one." And as my babies are learning to read and I am teaching them the fruit of the spirit, I will have it in a very handy place for them to read from ;-)

So now that I have conquered the fears through Christ's freedom, I feel very different. I feel bold. Kind of B.A. (if you not know what that is, it's probably a good thing.) I have a new passion and no one is going to stop me. It's a lovely feeling ;-) And it is time I started writing some of these thoughts down again.

I stumbled across my mom's NIV/The Message side by side Bible today. I started looking up some favorite passages. The translation of Galations 5: 22-26 struck me as so brand new. I love The Message, not as a study Bible, but as a different interpretation with the same meaning, a breathe of fresh air, an understandable story. Read with me,

"22-23 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

23-24 Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.

25-26 Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original." Galatians 5:22-26

Read it again (please). Soak it in. Breathe the words. Meditate on what He is telling you. I love every single letter. Fist of all, where Paul says, "He brings gifts into our lives." I always thought of the fruit as something that was growing, like a joint partnership between God and I growing these fruit. But I can also see them as gifts. God is giving me these gifts, things I could never do on my own. My pastor said something funny this weekend. He said that you never see a tree trying to grow fruit, struggling to make it happen (and then he acted out how that would look.) It is something that happens naturally when God grows something, when we rely on Him, water our life with His living water, it grows. And He can grow things mire beautiful then any man can make. And this part, this part is awesome: "legalism is helpless, it only gets in the way." Something I hear frequently from one of my favorite bands, Casting Crowns, is that Jesus wants everyone to know Him, but that sometimes we get in the way. When we care more about enforcing rules then reaching hearts, we get in His way. He freed us from the old law, live in that freedom! He freed us from our sins and death! Live like that means something to you! It's the best gift you could ever receive, and YOU get to invite people to receive that gift freely! Why aren't we doing this more and with more passion! Let's do this people!!!! And to make it even easier, we don't have to care what people think of us and we don't have to judge others, either. Verse 26 says "that means we will not compare ourselves with each other as is one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original." However you feel called to reach people is how you are supposed to do it. The way I do it and the way you do it may not be the same, but we are both called. We are original people with a identical purpose: shine the light of Jesus so bright, no one can deny you are different from this world. They are going to want what you have, and that is the love and forgiveness that comes with a relationship with the one and only Savior. Is there anything more exciting then that!?! Ok, I am excited. I hope you are too. What is one thing you can start doing today? One thing that Godnhas been putting on your heart to reach people? Do it. Maybe posting a scripture on Facebook. Maybe talking to your neighbor. Maybe inviting your coworker to church. Whatever it is, do it. I promise you it will be worth it.

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Time Flies By

Time flies by. When I look at my son, who came into this world at a mere 8 lbs 11 oz and is now 52 inches tall, all I can think is, time has flown by. Thus my need to chronicle the special, quiet moments that God uses to warm my heart. Just like I did a few posts ago with Ava Selina, God put in on my heart today to record this moment in time with my little man.
I asked God to give me the chance to write about each one of my sweet children and He heard my prayer. Today He shone the spotlight on my big boy, my firstborn, my giant 6 year old, Tucker Richie. I could also call him my clone. He and I are so similar, in the way we think, the way we learn, and the way we run our sassy little mouths. Although God often uses him to test my patience, it makes me feel so close to him because we think the same thoughts. I know how he feels, even if a lot of the time the emotions are turned up just a little too much (for both of us.) God is showing me, that for him and I, we can use these heightened senses of feelings not for drama and disobedience, but for compassion, empathy, and a passion for Him.
With the kind of schooling that we chose, it requires lots of one on one time with him and I at home, but he also is able to get the school experience at a small school with a class full of kids who parents who also care deeply about the influence and education that their children receive. Once every 6 weeks we have a meeting with his teacher to review the work we have done at home and at school. After looking over his work, his teacher said something that truly blessed my heart. She said, "Tucker is the friend to have. If he says hi to a child, it makes their day. He is, in particular, very kind to a child that has a hard time being at school, he feels like he is always getting lost in the halls. So Tucker walks him to the office when the little boy has to take his medicine. He truly is a special little boy." My heart was so full. No amount of education, brains, or learning will ever be more important to me then how he treats the people that come across his path. God gave him a heart to love others, and His light shines through Tucker. He draws others in with the love God has given him. It's hard for me to not feel like I'm bragging, and maybe I am, but God keeps reminding me that this is how He sees Tucker, and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
It's easy to get caught up in the not so fun stuff and forget about the amazing qualities God puts in our kids. Tucker gives me some back talk sometimes, but when I stand back and look at the big picture, he really is a sweet guy. He takes care of his sisters, he loves his dad, he enjoys reading the Bible, he loves to snuggle. He also has a desire for justice and helping those in need. He helps me feed the homeless and he wants to give every man or woman holding a sign on the corner whatever we have. Don't get me wrong, he can be quite the little tantrum thrower sometimes, but boy, isn't that over shadowed by the personality and traits that god has sown into him.
My little boy. I don't know why it's so much harder with boys. I love my children all the same, but I think in the back of my mind I think my girls will always stick around. He is going to grow up and marry the woman God created for Him. And as much as he loves me and spends time with me, he will have another woman to focus on, as it should be. And I know, from the way he loves me and loves his sisters, and what he sees in his dad, he is going to be the best husband my future daughter-in-law could ask for. Oh dear Lord, the tears. It's so far away, but I know from the women that have gone before me, that the days can seem like years, but the years are like seconds. God gives me these little glimpses into the man Tucker is going to become to give me the vision to press on towards that day and to also prepare my heart to let him go (as hard as that is to imagine right now.) Seriously, can't stop crying!
God keeps whispering to me, "I am going to use him to do things you can't even imagine." And I believe it, with all my heart and soul. God's promises are little seeds he plants, and I have the honor of watching them grow and bloom over the months and years. Right now he is 6 years, 8 months, and 1 week, but soon he will be 26, then 46, then 66. Time flies by...and I want to remember him exactly as he at this very moment.
Thank you Jesus for this moment, for this child, for this life. None of this would be if it weren't for Tucker. You used him to bring me back to you, and for that I am eternally grateful. Please don't ever let me forget that it is an honor to be his mother, and that I am really raising your son God, because he after all, belongs to you. I am so humbly thankful. Amen.

Never Arrive

Can I restart my day? What if I say pretty please with cherries on top? I want to so badly. I can't even pinpoint when exactly everything fell apart. We were getting ready for school, breakfast was done, (most of the) people were dressed, and then it started. The yelling, the disrespect, the ugly attitudes. And I wish I was only talking about the children.

Uuggghhh...Right when I feel like I am finally changing and putting to rest yelling and anger, it springs back up. Up until maybe 2 weeks ago, I was getting through days, even weeks at a time without yelling (which for me is a huge deal.) I literally thought, "I am changed!" Which might be we're my problem resurfaced. I knew God had changed my heart, but I was getting too comfortable. I had stopped crying out to Him as often to change me. I felt like I had "arrived" at being a good parent through God's guidance. But what I failed to realize is: you never arrive. Every day I need constant reliance on God to change my angry, selfish, prideful heart into a loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, self-controlled heart. I need daily, sometimes hourly or minute by minute repentance from a sincerely grateful heart. I need to know I am NOTHING without Him. I can change temporarily on my own, but the only way to change permanently is by Him changing me.  I want to be transformed. Romans 12:2 says it in such a lovely way.
"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." NLT. 

I want it so badly. And the reason I want it so badly is not because I am there, it's because I see how far I am from there. That is why I can find thankfulness in this morning. Nothing just happens without a reason. God takes the ugly, tears it away, and shows you the beautiful. The beauty is: I need Him. And He is there for me, no matter how ugly I am. Words cannot express how grateful and full of humble joy I am to know this. Thank You, Lord.

Since I have messed up so many times, it has finally gotten through my thick head how to fix it. As soon as I dropped Tucker off at school, I raced home and tore open my Bible. I knew it had the answers. If only I had started their this morning, this probably wouldn't have happened. I read some of my favorite verses about how God wants us to behave, Colossians 3:10-17 and Ephesians 4:31-32. I came across a verse I know I have read before, but it had never spoken to my heart like this. Ephesians 4:26a, "And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” NLT. My anger is controlling me. It is causing me to talk to my children in a way I never otherwise would. It's make my heart hard towards them. It makes my actions not match up with my beliefs. It's in control. And if my anger is in control, then I am not having self control, which is one of my goals in embodying the fruits of the Spirit. So now that I see it for what it is, I can ask God to change it. And He never tires of hearing our pleas. Thank God for that.

Tomorrow is another day. Even the next minute after a mistake is fresh. Just let it go and start making your actions match your beliefs. God bless :)

I Can't Forget This

I don't know what has come over me today. I am tearing up about everything, every time I look at my kids I can't keep in my joy about who they are and my sadness about how quick they are growing up. And because I know some of you are thinking it, no I am not pregnant.
Maybe it started with attending a family members quinceñera yesterday and seeing her go through the traditions of becoming a woman. And maybe, God took that thought and transformed it to make my heart and mind realize that this time goes by fast. Days become weeks, months become years, and one day I am going to have teenage children, then grown up children. Ok, can't really handle that thought right now, sniff sniff.
I know it is my job, my mission, to grow these sweet babies up to be responsible adults who are passionate about the Lord. And I am excited to see what God's plan is for them. But...sometimes I get caught up in the plan and don't see them for today. And right now, I want to capture my memories of my girl so I never forget how she was when she was 3 years 6 months and 30 days. My sweet Ava girl. God just spoke so much to my Spirit today about this sweet girl and I can't forget what He said, so I have to transcribe it here for all of history. One of my reasons for writing is to reach people through what God puts on my heart. The other is to remember my life the way it happened, without time leaving out any detail. So this post is more for the secondary reason, but I hope it touches your heart anyway.
My Ava. As you may have seen from other blog posts and Facebook statuses, Ava is a mix of sweet and sassy. I had a license plate frame when I was in high school that said, "Half the sugar, twice the spice." Little did I know that would be describing my future daughter. She can be so sassy at times, but the next minute be the most loving, precious little thing. She gives me a run for my money, but she also makes me laugh the most. She says the funniest things and has the most contagious little giggle. And her love for God...it really blows my mind. When Ava was a baby someone I respect very much told me that Ava was going to grow up to do amazing things for God, and I believe it in my heart very much.
She talks about Jesus and God often. Just a few weeks ago on a particularly difficult day, I asked her if Jesus was in her heart. She said no. I asked her if she wanted Jesus in her heart, and she said yes. We talked about what that means and said the sinners prayer-childrens version. I know she is 3, and I know she is little, but she knows it in her heart. She asks me, "if i do this, will it make Jesus happy?" "Would Jesus like it if I do this?" To have faith like a child, I yearn for that simple faith.
She loves to pretend she is a teacher and I am a student. Today she was the Bible study teacher. She pulled out my mom's Bible study book and set up some chairs and called me over. She set up her book and said, "Okay kiddo, tell me something about Jesus," in her best teacher voice. She let me give a short answer, then proceeded to tell me about "worship and praying and singing and praying and more worship. That's for Jesus. Okay now, tell me what I just said." It makes my heart so full to hear her talk about Him. I can't even handle it sometimes. 
She has this understanding, this amazing memory that when you tell her something about God, she remembers. She sings about Him, she talks about Him, she teaches her dolls about Him. I truly cannot wait to see what God is going to do with this passionate, persistent, joyful little person all wrapped up in the cutest little package. That's what gets me through the bittersweet sadness of days gone by.
Something about her heart today just made me realize, I cannot forget this day, I cannot forget her like this. I have to remember, I just have to! Tomorrow is going to come, and the next day, and the next year. But, today I have today. And tomorrow I get to see the beautiful, strong, loving woman that God made her to be. I pray every day that we can have a strong relationship year in and year out and that God gives me the days to see His plan unfold. My sweet Ava Selina. You are going to change the world.

Now the tears are crazy flowing. I can't write anymore. But I will always have today embedded in technological history. I have a little bit of mommy guilt for writing about one of my children and not the others, so I want you to know I love them all equally! (Of course :-) I just pray God will strike me with the same need to chronicle a day for Tucker and Sadie as well, which I think and hope He will.
If this touched you, I have a recommendation for you. Do this for your children. In a journal, on a blog, in an email, even on Facebook if you have to---write down what your child is like right now. Write down all of the things you love about them and what God has spoken into your heart. We think we will always remember these things, but we don't. Take a couple of minutes to do this, you will be happy you did later down the road.

Your Mission: Motherhood

This is the written version of a talk I did today at the Mom’s Group at the Movement Church in San Marcos, Ca (which just happens to be the coolest church ever ;-) I hope it blesses you today.

Good morning! I am sooooo joyful to be here today! When Lacie asked me to speak to you, I was so excited, like sooo excited to talk to you. I was sitting in a MOPs group just like this at the old building almost exactly 5 years ago very eager to see what God wanted to teach me in that season of my life. He used this group to grow me and teach me so much over the time I spent in the group. And I am excited for what He wants you to learn today.

My name is Caitlyn and I have been going to the Movement for just over 5 years now. If you want to know a little about me, I am married to a very wonderful man named Jimmy. We just had our 7 year anniversary in January. I have three children, Tucker is 6, Ava is 3 and Sadie Mae is 1. I am in love with Jesus and love learning about Him, I am a homeschooling mom, I think I can do every single thing on Pintrest, even though I can’t, and I occasionally write on my blog. So that’s me. J

After Lacie asked me to speak here, I asked God what He wanted me to speak to you about. And pretty much immediately, He showed me the scripture that I should talk about. It is Deuteronomy 11:18-21. If you want you can turn there in your Bible or on your phone. It says, "You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,

that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens are above the earth.”

This is also similar to Deuteronomy 6:7-9. So, on the same day I read these verses, my parenting devotional was regarding these verses, (imagine that ;-). It was discussing the Jewish custom of wearing phylacteries. Phylacteries were the Jewish interpretation of this verse, “bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.” These phylacteries were small leather boxes worn on the bicep and the forehead, tied on by leather straps. They had 4 scriptures from the Torah in them, including the one we just read. So they were literally binding the verses to their head and hands. But what would happen with some people, is that if they only took the section on binding to the outside, and didn’t read the beginning of the section which says, “You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and soul,” so then the boxes were worthless. They were just an outer show, and the inner heart was still hard. God gave me a picture of the phylacteries dissolving into the hands and head. It was as if the verses were guiding the hands and the mind. What if every move your hand made was directed by the Word of God. What if every thought was held captive and inspected by the Holy Spirit. This made me think that life would be so much more directed. It would be like the Holy Spirit is directing you on a mission. And whether you realize it or not, you ARE on a mission.

And that’s what I want to talk to you about today. Your mission. I am going to go ahead and venture that because you are sitting here in this room, you are either a mom, a step mom, or a soon to be mom. There are some kind of children in your life that you have an effect on. So part of your mission in life, I am going to go ahead and say, your most important mission right now, is your mission in motherhood. Whether it has been your life long dream to become a mom or you somehow ended up here in a way that wasn’t what you planned, this has always been God’s plan, His mission for your life. When you undertake a mission, you don’t just bumble through it. You don’t just go minute by minute through the mission. You have a goal, you have a plan, and you realize it is important. Without these three things, you cannot have a successful mission.

You start with a goal. All great missions have a goal! Whether your mission is to conquer the world or successfully exit Target without losing one or more children or losing your mind, both of these have a goal. What is your goal? What is your goal for motherhood? Your ultimate goal is to raise little people who have a passion to truly know the Lord, like really know Him, not just know of Him. The more specific goal is dependent on you and your family. I would suggest you take some time and think about 2-3 sentences that describe the kind of people you envision your children being when they grow up. Is loving God and loving His people your thing? Then include that in the list. Are you all about giving all God’s people the grace that He so lovingly gave you? Then put that on the list. Whatever it is that God has put on your heart, put it on the list. Ask Him what your family should look like to bring Him glory, and be open to what He says. Because sometimes it wasn’t exactly what you had in mind. Ask Him what the goal should be.

Once you have your goal, you can form a plan. Now this plan is something that will be ever changing with your child’s age and situation. And this plan looks different to every single person. It is based on your goal and every thing you plan has that end goal in mind. I don’t want to tell anyone what there plan should be, I want God to do that. But I learn so much better when I have examples, so I am going to give you some examples straight from our verses in Deuteronomy.

“You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” This does not say, talk to your children about God on Sunday morning and whenever they are in trouble. It says all. the. time. Morning, Noon, night. Good days and bad days. In joy and in pain. How do you do this? Here are some ideas:

When you wake up in the morning, or should I say woken up usually, say, “Look at the beautiful day God has made!” And if you don’t feel that way, then you fake it till you make it ;-)

When you walk out the door, say, “Look at how hot/cold/sunny/cloudy/rainy/whatever God made it today. Thanks God!” Listen to praise worship in the car and in the house. Talk about all the things God made that you pass by. Pray for your child before you drop them off at school. Pray their mind is protected from the bad influences and soaks in the learning. Pray they are a blessing to everyone around them and that they have an opportunity to talk to their friends about God. Say grace with them over meals and teach them how to say there own. Say prayers with them when they go to bed. Tell them you love that God made you to be there mommy and that there is no one else in the world you would trade places with. Tell them you love them the way God made them. Hug them tight. These are just a few ways to get you started. Ask God the specific ways to talk about Him to your kids.

Another way to reach your kids about God from Deuteronomy is, “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Write scripture on note cards and put them on your doors, walls, and steering wheels. Use a dry erase marker and write verses on your mirrors. Put a note card at eye level on the space right above your sink, since we tend to spend so much time there ;-). The more times you look at these, the more it will draw you to God’s word. The more you are in God’s word the easier it is to carry out His plan, His mission. You will start to memorize the verses from seeing them. You will hide them in your heart. You will say them to your kids. And once your kids learn how to read they will be drawn to them too. I have a first grader who loves reading. Whenever he sees a street sign or an advertisement, he is drawn to it, locked in to reading it. How awesome is it to see Him lock in on scripture and read that. Amazing!

Serve with your kids. One thing God has put on my heart to teach my kids is to serve others, especially the less fortunate. This came out of Matthew 25:34-36, “Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.” Last year I was looking for somewhere to serve with Tucker, who was 5 at the time. My friend from the church I grew up at told me she served the homeless a warm meal in the park every Friday and we were welcome to come. We tried it and have been going back ever since. I usually bring all three kids. I strap one to my back, and the other two stand by me and hand out waters, forks, napkins, and cookies. They have become comfortable with a different kind of people, they get to help others, they see that not everyone has everything they want or need, and they have formed relationships with a few of them. It is great to bless the people, but it is an even better blessing for us, something I hope sticks with my kids forever. This might be something for you, it might not, but find out whatever your thing is, and do it. You will be blessed because of it.

With all of these things being said, I want you to remember one very important thing. There is only one perfect person that walked this planet. And it is not me. And it is not you. So be prepared to make mistakes. It happens. It is how you handle the mistake that makes the difference.

I will never forget a story that I heard right here in this very MOMs group. I can’t even remember the mans name, (I was later told it was Al Menzoni) but he was writing a book about parenting. His children were already grown and he was gathering information to try to help young parents raise their kids. He was using stories from his children’s childhood to illustrate his points. He was planning on including the story of his biggest parenting mistake. When he daughter was younger, probably 8 or 9, he was trying to put her to bed. It had been a long day, he was tired, she was overly tired, and she just wouldn’t go to bed. She said something particularly rude to him and he reached over and slapped her on the cheek. He immediately burst in to tears and apologies. They hugged and cried together. He said sorry and she forgave him. It never happened again, but he carried this with him for all the years since. Now that she was grown, he wanted her to read the manuscript before it was published since it had this story in it. She read the pages carefully and when she finished she looked up at him and said, “Dad, I don’t remember this.” He was shocked. He had held on to this failure, this all time big mistake for all these years. And she didn’t even remember. It’s because he apologized. Sincerely apologized to her. He didn’t try to make it her fault, he didn’t tell her, “If you wouldn’t have made me so mad I wouldn’t have smacked you.” He admitted he had done wrong and asked for forgiveness. And she had given it to him. Friends, children want to forgive. They have hearts that want to love and want things to be right with you. Be humble and ask for forgiveness when you have done something wrong. It can change your relationship with them forever. This story changed my heard, prideful heart to be humble and real with my children. So with that in mind, look at your goal. Whatever you goal is, you have to have a plan to get it there. It’s not just going to happen, you have to have a plan.

So you have your goal and your plan to get to that goal. Now you have to understand how seriously important this mission is. It is so important. Eternally important. It is kind of scary to even fathom how important this is sometimes, but please, just go there with me for a minute. For the first 18 years of your child’s life, you are your child’s greatest influence. You set the foundation for every decision your child will make for the rest of their life. You get to help form a person. Who they become determines the choices they make, and these choices effect their jobs, their spouses, their coworkers, their friends, their children, their grandchildren, pretty much every person they come in contact with. You effect how they look at God. Whether they ultimately follow the Lord is not entirely on your shoulders. You plant and water the seeds, God grows the plant. But, he gives us a promise in Proverbs 22:6 says, “Raise up a child in the way he should go: when he is old he will not depart from it.” Please friends, if you hear one thing today here this. This is an important job. Probably the most important job. There will be other missions God gives you that are very important, but none that have the generational legacy that motherhood carries. Realize this fact and forever change your legacy. You can’t go back and do it over.

So, now you have your directives. You need a goal, you need a plan, and you need to understand how truly important this mission is. You might have already realized you are on this mission or this might be the first day God opened you eyes to it, but today is the day. Ask God to tell you wonderful details about this mission He has put you on. He will tell you. And you will be blessed.

"Will You Marry Me?"

Oooooohhhhh my. Just let me breathe for a second. What a day. I don't know what it is about holidays that through my family off so badly. Maybe it is my expectations that I want the day to perfectly or the increased consumption of sugar or the added activities, but my kids were spun out today. Which made me completely irritable and not always nice (unfortunately.) Between breaking up argue nets between the kids, having someone arguing with me about every. homeschool. assignment. and a sassy 3 year old screaming NOOOO in my face whenever she is asked to do something. Or not do something, I was so unhappy by the time Jimmy got home. Happy Valentine's Day Babe :( Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who put it all in perspective for me without making me feel like a failure. He reminded me that no one has parenting figured out and we have to ask God everyday for the answers for the situations of that particular day. After a little cry, we came up its a game plan for the rest of the night and salvaged the day.
At the very end of the day, while doing homework with Tucker before his class tomorrow God gave me the sweetest little Valentine's Day gift. Tucker looked at me, through the frustration on my face, the tiredness in my eyes, and said, "Mommy, I want to marry you." This is the first time he has ever said this. Even with the arguing, the frustration, the rough day, he still wanted to marry me. And I was reminded of God's love for us in the love of a child. He loves us when we throw tantrums, when we are frustrated with His plan, when we are tired and irritable. He loves us no matter what. And there is nothing we can do to make Him love us more, or love us less. And we are His bride, His beautiful church that He can't wait to see coming back to Him. A love we don't deserve, just like the love of my son that I really didn't deserve today. God, you used Tucker to save my Valentine's Day, thank you, thank you so much.


Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV)

What It Brings

Wisdom. The word itself, to me, brings a settled peace. Wise people always seem to be calm, cool, and collected. It instantly allows my soul to relax, because I know wisdom knows all the answers. What is this wisdom? Where is it found? This is where our search begins, and it can only begin in one place. All of the Lord's wisdom has been gathered for us in one location. Everything God wants you to know is collected into one leather bound manual.  It is the beginning, the end, the everything. Since He cannot be here with us in person, He divinely spoke to each and every author of scripture to convey exactly what He wanted His children to hear. This is where all wisdom comes from. If any other book is offering you wisdom, it better be directly and honestly based on God's Biblical wisdom. If it's not, chuck it.

What is wisdom? It can be described so many ways. The first post of this series described it as pure, peace loving, gentle at all times, yielding, full of mercy, good deeds, impartial, sincere, and righteous. What does wisdom bring? Proverbs 3:12-18 gives us some insight.

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding,
for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold.
She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed.
More valuable then any belonging you will ever have, or even ever want to have. Bringing long life, honor, and riches (although these might not be the riches you may be thinking of.) Pleasant and peaceful paths that bring life and blessings. Is there really more you could ask for? Doesn't that sound like a beautiful life?!?! It does to me! The more I read about it, the more I want it. Like want it bad. When our focus is on taking into our minds the pure, real truth of God, a magnificent by-product of this is wanting more of it. That's how God designed us, to desire to know Him. To really know Him, like you know your best friend. And so much of God is His wisdom. I can't wait to learn more about His wisdom the next time I write. Until then, focus on these things...

Understanding*Precious*Long Life*Richness*Honor*Pleasantness*Peace*Blessings