Be Careful What You Pray For...

I have heard the phrase, "don't pray for patience, because you may not like the way God teaches it to you." I am feeling that way about gentleness. Yesterday at church I asked God to help me let go of my need to control my family (once again) and to be a more gentle mother. Yesterday went well. I felt very gentle and the freedom that comes from not being a nagging wife and mother. Today...today is a different story. I think it may be because yesterday went so well, I was kind of expecting the same for today. Well, today is not yesterday. It never is. Today started with me losing my temper, yelling, spanking, and in general just being a horrible mom. You may have noticed I did not say what Tucker did to insight these hideous behaviors. Its because it shouldn't matter what he does, I am still expected to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit. How can I expect any kind of right behavior from my kids if I myself cannot behave properly? I can't. At one point I had to be by myself for quite awhile to calm down and (eventually) ask for repentance. After, I held Tucker explained that mommies can get angry too and it is not right for me to behave this way. I then asked him to forgive me. This is pretty much the only thing I have done right today. But, I have the rest of today, and tomorrow, and as many more days as God will give me to become the mother that He wants me to be. So the Scripture I am going to focus on today is Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle word deflects anger, but harsh words cause conflict." The behavior that was started by Tucker could have been deflected with my gentle words, but instead I increased the conflict with harsh words. So I have to use all of my God given strength to control my emotions and use gentle words. Another thing that has been on my heart since yesterday is something Pastor Jeremy said. "God's kindness is what leads us to repentence, not his anger." My anger is not going to change my childrens behavior, my kindness will. So I am going to work on these two focuses right now. What is your focus today?