The Calm After the Storm

We haven't really left the house in 3 days. Other then a food run, me and my munchkins have been home bound for no other reason than just because we can. After the flurry of Christmas, I thought it would be nice to just stay in our pajamas and relax. As you know, I usually over commit myself, so this is a big stretch for me. I have noticed several things about being home. I am not accomplishing much. Normally I am on a schedule where I only have so much time to clean the house, feed the kids, and appear somewhat put together before leaving the house for the majority of the day. So now that I have all day, you would think I could get everything on my to do list accomplished, but no. But that's okay, it will get down when it gets done. Also, I don't get to relax and play with my kids enough. Tucker and I have played with every Christmas present he got, and Ava has been right there along for the fun. When we are crazy busy I miss out on stuff I didn't even realize. In the last 3 days I have taught Tucker 4 new card games, watched the kids play nicely with each other, and started reading 2 new books. I have used my Christmas gift (a BlendTec blender) 5 times, made every meal, and rearranged my room. These are things I would not have been able to do if I didn't take the time to slow down. My motivation for today is 1 Thesselonians 4:11 "This should be your ambition: to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we commanded you before." This is a verse I will have to work into my life, or maybe I should say I need to work my life into this verse. To think that I could enjoy not being busy, huh! This has motivated my to keep my schedule a little more open and plan for downtime to just be. I hope your Christmas was wonderful and you are able to take time and relax before the year is over. God bless and  enjoy your quiet day :-)

Peace On Earth, Or At Least In The Balderas House :-)

Ahhhhh, I love days we don't leave the house. It is so peaceful. With all the craziness around us, we are in a quiet, serene comfort zone. Sometimes this peace can be interrupted by whining, fighting, and general shenanigans, but not today. I feel very blessed today. My children have been playing kindly together all day. I have been cleaning joyfully to make our home even better to be in. We made birthday cupcakes for Jesus, played chase with the vacuum, and the kids played together in Ava's crib for half an hour. Some days are just nice. I'm not sharing this to sound like have perfect angel kids, I just wanted to share what a peace-filled day I am having, thanks in total to the Lord. He is the only one who can calm my kids and set this kind of tone, I am just His tool to use. My verse for meditation today is Luke 2:14, ""Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." Some days are crazy, some days are boring, and some days are just lovely. I hope your day is going as peacefully as mine. Have a blessed day :-)

It's The Most _____________ Time of the Year

When you read the title of this blog entry, what word do you put there? I would love to put wonderful, magical, or any other beautiful adjective there, but I have to put busiest. If you look at what time I am writing this, you will see why. For the past 5 days I have been going non stop, to the point that my house is a disaster, my car looks like a bomb went off, I have no food in my fridge, and I have to wake up at 5am to clean my house, download the videos onto the computer to have room for Tucker's Christmas performance, switch the laundry, straighten my hair and blog (and that is only if the kids don't wake up early!). I think the Lord is trying to tell me something in the dark of my house at this wee hour of the morning. I have to make the time and I have to slow down. 1 Timothy 4:12-16 says "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. Until I get there, focus on reading the Scriptures to the church, encouraging the believers, and teaching them. Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received through the prophecies spoken to you when the elders of the church laid their hands on you. Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right, and God will save you and those who hear you."
This scripture is speaking to me this morning. So many great suggestions! There are so many things I like about these verses, but in particular, "Give your complete attention to these matters." That is so hard to do when you are running around like a chicken with your head cut off trying to get everything done. These last 6 days before Christmas I am going to attempt to "give my complete attention to these matters," "focus on reading the Scriptures," and "be an example in the way I live." If I am so focused on the shopping, the schedule, and the craziness of the Christmas season, what kind of message am I sending to those around me, especially my kids. This season is to celebrate Jesus' birthday, not stress out over everything else. And these recommendations in 1 Timothy 4 are even more relevant during Christmas time when Jesus is (or at least should be) at the front of everyone's minds. Let this time be a blessing, not a hardship. Show the world that we don't have to be frazzled at Christmas, that instead we can be joyfully focused on what the day really is for. "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6. Let the Prince of Peace give you some peace in this season of joy :-) Merry Christmas :-)

Joy to the World...

I do not know what is wrong with me. I LOVE Christmas! But this year I am not feeling the Christmas spirit. It doesn't even really feel like Christmas to me. I don't have a Christmas tree, the lights aren't up, and it's 75 degrees outside. Being that this feeling is so not like me, I started to think and pray about why I was feeling like this. As much as I pondered and prayed, I couldn't figure it out. Then in worship on Sunday, the worship pastor sang a Christmas song and spoke about Christmas a little bit. As I worshiped, God opened my eyes to a reason for the Grinch-like feelings. I was focused on the "Christmas" things, but not on what Christmas was all about...Jesus' birthday. Birthday's are another thing I LOVE. And this is the birthday of my Best Friend, the person who knows me best, who loves me most, and who is always there for me. This is the celebration of the King of Kings, Immanuel, Savior to the Broken, the Redeemer, the Prince of Peace, the Son of God. He is the reason for the Season, the reason life has meaning, and the reason I am going to Heaven. He was sent to this world as a baby, so He could relate to us and ultimately give His life for us. Without Him, there is no reason for hope. Christmas trees, lights, cookies, and gifts, although they are wonderful and a fun part of the season, they cannot be my focus. It is easy to get lost in the shopping lines, the Christmas traffic, and the overall craziness of this time of year. My focus is on the baby that was born to take the sin of the world, the one and only virgin birth. I don't want to sound like a Scrooge, by all means, enjoy all the fun stuff about Christmas, I will be as well. But don't forget the reason for the season.
Today I am focusing on joy. The joy that is brought by hope and love from Jesus. Matthew 2:10-11 says, "When they (the wisemen) saw the star, they were filled with joy! They entered the house where the child and his mother, Mary, were, and they fell down before him and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh." Worship of the Lord should be my number one focus year around, but even more so at this time of year. And something Jesus said towards the end of his days, John 16:24, "You haven't done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy." I am going to ask Jesus for the joy, because He has provided for me always and I am truly blessed.
 Today I am going to focus on having true joy and focusing on preparing for Jesus birthday. How about you, what are you focusing on?
Happy Birthday Jesus :-)

The Definition of Complaining

Accusing, bellyaching, bewailing, charging, critical, deploring, disapproving, discontented, dissenting, fretting, grumbling, lamenting, malcontent, moaning, mourning, murmuring, peevish, protesting, querulous, regretting, repining, resentful, weeping, and whining. These are all synonyms for complaining. When you put it that way...that sounds hideous. I have to admit I am one to complain. I noticed this awhile ago and have been trying to work on it, but the habit still rears its ugly head every once in awhile. For awhile I thought it made me more interesting and/or humble if I was to complain about something. "Yes I got a new car, but its not that great."..."I moved to a brand new home...but it's a trailer."..."Yes I have a job...but I have to work more than I want to." I would always find a way to add something on. I guess I feel like I was bragging if I talked about something good in my life, so I would find a way to complain about the good things, in a weird way feeling more humble about it. Also, I think one of the reasons I felt like this was because I just talked too much in general. I hate the dead silence when nothing is being said, so I would just say something to say anything and end up saying things I didn't even really mean sometimes. I eventually realized that this made me sound ungrateful. Every blessing is from the Lord, so why would I feel like I was bragging about it? When I started giving the glory to God, it took that feeling of boasting away and allowed me to stop adding that "but" statement to the end of the sentence. I also cut down on my amount of talking to only what actually needed to be said and forcing myself to be okay with silence. My favorite verse regarding this is Psalm 51:15-"O Lord, open my lips and my mouth will declare your praise." Another selection of verses I like is Philippians 2:14-15-"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." That one rocks!

The moral of the story is: complaining is not being grateful to the Lord for taking care of us. If you are living and breathing today, you have a reason to be thankful. If you have somewhere to live, whether it is your own home, apartment, trailer, or with someone else, you have something to be thankful for. If you have food in your belly you have something to be thankful for. If you are blessed to live in this country where we have the freedom to worship God when, where, and how we want to, that is something major to be thankful for! I am sure many other things come to mind to be thankful for. God is so good! It is all about how you look at the situation. Do you have your positive glasses on? It is all about contentment, which our buddy Paul new so well. "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13. This is a memory verse I learned in Crown Financial and it has been a good reminder when I start to covet or envy others. I have exactly what I need from the Lord, He has provided. Every. Single. Time.Thankfulness is not one of the fruits of the Spirit, but it encompasses them all. When we are thankful, we are showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control to the Lord.

I am going to be meditating on these verses and trying to eliminate complaining from my vocab. So if I am talking to you, and suddenly stop mid sentence, that would be why ;-) Have a truly thankful and blessed day!!!  

 

The Reoccurring Theme

Oh, just when I think I have things under control, God reminds me that I don't. It is like a reoccurring theme in my life. Caitlyn hits a new low, turns to the Lord, the Lord guides her back to Him, she follows, reads the Bible faithfully, becomes comfortable (i.e.lazy), starts slacking on her reading, then is back to the low. It is almost predictable. So why do I keep jumping on this roller coaster ride? That is what I am trying to figure out. Let's start with what brought me to this realization today. From the moment my son woke up this morning, he has been trying to drive me crazy. The whining, the crying, the "you can't tell me what to do" attitude. It did drive me crazy! I became angry with him for his behavior, and in doing so, also acted like a 4 year old. I started yelling too. So I sent him off to school with both of us angry. And now, I know why I was so quick to anger. I hadn't sat down and read the Bible in a couple days. I read the verse that popped up on my phone every morning, trying to use that as an excuse for "Bible reading", but I did not sit down and focus on the Lord. I let life get in the way (how many times have I said this on this blog already? I think I am sensing a problem here.) I need to dedicate time to the Lord. He is my first priority in my heart, but I don't make Him my first priority in my actions. I clean, cook, exercise, care for kids, look at Facebook (anybody else with me?) before I sit down and focus on the Word. And it is not intentional, but I need to be intentional with where my focus is directed. So faithfulness is the word of the day. And I will be faithful in my Bible reading. Not only is it the right thing to do, but it changes my heart. It reminds me how much the Lord loves me, and that I need to show that love to everyone around me. So I am going to use a repeat verse and a new verse today for inspiration, the first is the new. Job 23:12-"I have not departed from the commandment of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food." This one struck me in particular. I should desire to read the Bible above my desire to eat, or do other things, even if they are necessary for life. Because the Word of God is necessary for everlasting life! My repeat verse is always a good reminder, and one Tucker and I will be memorizing today. "My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." James 1:19. I don't know if your life is anything like mine, but the crazier it gets, the more it reminds me I need to be in the Word. I hope it will be a sign to you as well. Have a blessed day :-)

Fruit Produced

This journey has been so personal to me, so much of an inner thing, that I never considered that the outside is part of the transformation also. That was until I read Matthew 7:20. "Yes, the way to identify a tree or a person is by the kind of fruit that is produced." So, although I am doing this for no one other than the Lord, I am identified by the fruit I produce. Well, I am glad no one could see me in the comfort of my own home yelling at my children and nagging my husband several months ago. If they had seen that hideous display, they probably would have said, "That woman is definitely NOT a Christian!" Actions speak louder than words, right? Why did it take me so long to put two and two together? If I have Jesus in my heart and accept Him as my Lord and Savior, then my actions need to match. Just as Galatians 5:25 says, "If we are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of our lives." I know that the Lord is not leading me to bother my husband and frustrate my children, He specifically tells me NOT to do that in His Book. So why am I doing these horrible things? Because I am listening to MY leading, MY flesh, MY pride. I don't want to be ignored. I don't want to have more work to do. I don't want to constantly have to remind someone to do something. But that is my calling. God gave me this husband, these children. I am the specific wife meant for my husband. And I am the exact mother God meant for my precious babies. So I need to stop focusing on the negative things they do, and start focusing on how I can work with their imperfections (because lets face it, we all have imperfections, especially me!) I need to follow Jesus' leading and be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."(James 1:19). That right there would pretty much solve ALL my problems. And if that doesn't solve a problem, I have my handy dandy Instruction Manual for Life (aka God's Word) to answer any of my questions. So although this is between me and the Lord, I want to be identified by my fruit in a way that glorifies the Lord, not makes me look like a hypocrite Christian. I will be meditating on Matthew 7:20 and James 1:19 today, hopefully they spoke to you as well.
Have a blessed day :-)
*P.S.- I know I capitalized A LOT of words in this, I am just so on FIRE about this!!!

Focus On These Things

I am a little sleepy this morning. God decided to teach me a lesson at about midnight last night. Rightfully so, I needed it.
 Jimmy and I got in a little tiff last night and he decided to go to bed angry. I was mad, so instead of doing my normal Bible reading, I decided to do the complete opposite and watch a documentary about Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. You should know I have this fascination with the human condition, especially addiction and I like to study it watching Intervention and documentaries about drug use, anorexia, etc. (I know its weird.) So as I sat and watched the film, I knew I shouldn't be watching it. It was giving me the creeps. But being defiant I kept watching it and fell asleep with it on. I woke up to my son crawling out of his room complaining of his legs hurting. I felt terror, like I was being attacked. I was afraid, it was disturbing to me for some reason. I am having a hard time accurately describing how I felt, because I have never had this feeling before.. I laid down with him and prayed for the Lord to take away this feeling, the fear was mounting and I felt as though something terrible was going to happen. I repeated the verses I knew on fear. I begged the Lord to protect my mind. I wondered why was this happening. And then I knew...I shouldn't be watching things like this anymore. I told the Lord I would stop watching things that have to do with drugs, death, etd. I prayed myself to sleep after feeling terrorized.
 In the morning, I dove into my favorite Book. I looked up some verses on fear. "I prayed to the Lord and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces." Psalms 34:4-5. I knew that God would rescue me from this fear, and He did. I now needed to find out how to keep my end of the bargain. I was called to Philippians 4. "Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sister, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me-everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. v.4-9" I couldn't ask for a better example! This refers to 4 of the fruits of the Spirit, and the other 5 could be encompassed in this as well. "Fix your thoughts..." This phrase is what spoke to me the most. Why am I so fixated on watching people inflicting pain on themselves, suffering, and being disobedient to the Lord? The Lord blessed me to not have any addictions or experiences with drugs, so it is kind of disrespectful to be so interested in it, to the point that I choose to watch it rather than reading my Bible sometimes. I need to focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise! That would be things of the Lord. I am not saying all television is bad, but if I am making the choice to spend time watching something I need to ask myself 2 questions. (1) Do I feel like I spent good, quality time with the Lord today? And (2) is what I am watching acceptable for what I believe and respectful to my God? Garbage in, garbage out, right? I want to focus more on putting the right stuff in my mind, it makes a huge difference.
Although last night was very scary, I am glad I went through it. Because now I shut something out of my life that I had been needing to do for awhile now. So my inspiration today is Philippians 4:4-9. And my question to you is, what do you need to get out of your life so you can focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise? I'd love to know so I can pray for you in that process. God bless.

Peace...It's So Surreal

When you become a Christian, you start the process of changing who you are and how you respond to life. For some it is an instant change in every area and for others it is a more gradual change in different departments of our lives. However you end up doing it, you probably still remember how you were before. Have you ever had the thought, "The old me would have done...(fill in the blank)...in this situation." I still have it all the time. As you all know, my most recent change has come in the housekeeping department. It is not the most spiritual thing in the world, but it is something that had to happen. I have always struggled with being a tidy person, and after being frustrated all the time I finally asked Someone to help me with this area. I asked for God to give me a better attitude about cleaning, extra energy to use on keeping up the house, and a tireless spirit. So imagine my surprise when this actually happened! (I don't know why I am always so astonished when God gives me the desires of my heart-Psalms 37:4 :-) It is the most surreal feeling. In my mind I think, "I normally would be tired right now....I normally would be sitting down wasting time right now...I normally would walk by those toys on the floor and now I am picking them up." It's like someone else is controlling my brain but I am okay with it. That sounds kind of weird, but it's like having a different mind, or being a different person, but yet still me. Okay, I am having a hard time describing it, probably because it is so amazing/weird/awesome! And this isn't the first time it has happened to me. The first time it happened, I had rededicated my life to the Lord. I was trying to do everything he wanted me to do. But I had something I was holding on to, something I just ignored. My relationship with my mother-in-law was not doing well (and that is a huge understatement!). It was wearing on my marriage, my emotions, and my relationship with the Lord. I did not want to give this up, but God broke me down and I humbly gave that relationship over to Him. From that point on, I had this strange calm disposition when it came to her. Things that I would have blown up about in the past, I let roll off my back. And I remember thinking, "I should be getting mad right now...but I'm not. Weird." It was such a freeing feeling! This peace that came from trusting the Lord and asking for a life change, it was surreal and marvelous! Peace that passes understanding. I now know exactly what this means! I couldn't completely understand it. I could only know that God did it, and He did it for me. Now my relationship with my mother-in-law is great! It's not perfect (because nobody is) but it is very enjoyable. And she is very proud of my for how far I have come in my cleaning ;-)
My inspiration for today is Phillipians 4:7 "And the peace of God, that passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds on Christ." Also inspiring, the song "Joy Down in My Heart." Do you remember that one? In particular the section that says, "I have the peace that passes understanding down in my heart, where! Down in my heart, where! Down in my heart. I have the peace that passes understanding down in my heart, where! Down in my heart to stay!" It's one of the Balderas Family Fav's.
Have you experienced this feeling, or am I the only one? I would love to hear your experience (so I know I'm not crazy ;-) Peace and Love...

Stalling and Other Things

God taught me a funny lesson in faithfulness this week. This whole thing started Thursday before last when I started a new book about putting God in the center of your home and cleaning. I was super excited to start this book! I have been making some strides in the housekeeping department (if I don't say so myself ;-) and I knew that the only way I was going to get completely to where I wanted to be was by asking God to be the main part of this endeavor, front and center. So I came across this book and dove in. I was reading and doing all the things it asked me to until I got to the part about the prayer walking. It asked you to prayer walk around your house and pray over each room, thank the Lord for who He is and the blessings He has given you, and ask for His guidance in this room for cleaning and organizing. I was super stoked because I had been wanting to do this anyway! But it recommended that I wait until it was quiet, until a time I would not be interrupted. So, I decided to wait until after the kids went to sleep...and then I was tired. So I was ready to do it the next night...and then I was busy....and then I was watching Arrested Development...and then I was blogging. Basically, I stalled and was not doing something that was recommended to me, and something I felt in my heart God was calling me to do. So fast forward to this Thursday at Moms of the Movement where the lovely Katie McGinty spoke about God breathed scripture and what it is useful for. One of her points was that you shouldn't be waiting to turn to the Lord after trying everything on your own first, and failing. It should be your first thought, an immediate response to turn to the Lord and His word. So, even that powerful word was not enough to remind me to do the prayer walk. So God gave me another reminder. He used something that I devoted way too much of my attention to. That morning I had put my phone down and could not for the life of me remember the last place I used it, what time I used it, or where it might be. So I searched all day for my phone, which is more of my lifeline than it should be. I repeatedly asked Tucker where he put it (you should know that he has hidden many phones in his time. Including, but not limited to in the trash, in the freezer, in the refrigerator, in his room, and many, many more!). He swore up and down he did not hide it. When Jimmy got home, he looked for it for 2 hours. We turned off every light in the house and were silent to try to hear the phone vibrate or see it light up. Nothing worked. We headed off to Life Group and had a fabulous time as always, and then started the search again. Cars, trash, drawers, you name it, we searched it. And then I came across my God-in-your-house-cleaning book. The moment I saw it I realized what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to be faithful to Him. To depend on Him for knowledge. To care more about searching for Him than about searching for the phone. I stopped Jimmy and we walked through our home together, praying for every room, thanking God for giving us a home we enjoy being in, for providing for us. Every little perk about the home was highlighted with a spotlight from the Lord. This totally changed the way I looked at our home. It was a wonderful experience! When we were finished, I half expected to turn around and find my phone on the couch. But I didn't. I stayed up studying the book and reading scripture. I went to sleep and woke up in the morning with a desire to search every box in the playroom. So I did. And guess what? Buried in the play clothes, all the way at the bottom was my phone. Face down and muffled between the carpet and a policeman's outfit. I don't know how it got there. I could have thrown it in while picking up. Or a certain 2 foot tall little bandit could have tossed it in. Either way, I know why the Lord wanted this to happen. The Lord wanted my attention, and He got it. My faithfulness is in the Lord, not a phone, not my mind, not anything else.
My inspiration for today is 2 Corinthians 5:7: "We live by faith, not by sight." I can't always see what's going on, see what I am looking for, or see all the facts (whether it be something physical or Spiritual). But I have faith that the Lord will show me whatever it is I need to know/find/believe, it's just a matter of me obeying and following that leading of the Spirit. I urge you to learn from my lesson and turn to Him the first time, not after you try to do everything on your own and it doesn't work. Have a blessed day :-)

Clothe Yourself With...

In the calm of my home this morning I was able to read my Bible in peace. Something (or someone) was calling me to Colosions 3. As I read I couldn't believe how relevant it was to the fruit of the Spirit. Then God reminded me He was the one who sent me there, and of course He would send me to the perfect verse ;-) I went back and read the whole book. It is a great message on how a Christian should live. My favorite verses were 12 and 14. "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience... And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." This gave me a word picture of waking daily and dressing myself, an actual putting on, in the fruits of the Spirit. Kindness is a sleeve, compassion a pant leg, humility, gentleness, and patience are all other sections of an outfit. And they are all sewn together with the common thread which is love. I love this picture! Another thing, you wouldn't walk out of the house naked, would you? (Hopefully most of you are saying no at this point ;-)You would be unprotected from the elements, not to mention inappropriate. Think of the fruits of the Spirit as the same. You want to protect yourself from the elements of the world, and it would be quite inappropriate to call yourself a disciple of the Lord without giving yourself the outward sign or garments of the Lord's child, figuratively saying-the fruits of the Spirit. But always remember, the fruits of the Spirit aren't things that will just show up in your life without focus on the Lord and living out His ways. You have to wake up in the morning and "put on" these qualities and fight the world all day from trying to take these things off of you. You can do it, you just need the guidance of the Lord through His word and prayer.
 So even though it is not first thing in the morning, decide to change your figurative outfit and put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You will look much nicer for it ;-)

Blast From the Past

I am not very good at journaling. I write faithfully for a few days, and then I go a month (usually much longer.) This is why I started this blog, so I could have a record of my journey and feel a sense of accountability to anyone who reads. A couple nights ago I was flipping through an old journal and came across my first official writing on the fruits of the Spirit. I feel it is necessary to add it to this record of change in my life.
"January 15, 2010-Lord, I feel called to Galatians 5:22-26. I feel like you want to produce some fruit in my life from these verses. As i read the words GENTLENESS and PATIENCE jump out at me. I don't feel like a very gentle, patient person most days. The moment I read those verses I knew you had an amazing journey for me. I look forward to working towards a more Christlike me. Time management can be hard for me, so I pray you remind me and I listen. After not reading your word daily for awhile, now when I pick it up and read it feels like I have been holding my breath for a long time and am now beginning to breath. Sorry I wasn't faithful in my reading (heart<3) You are the most important thing in my life and I need to show that with faithful reading.
The verse 1 Thessalonians 2:7 speaks volumes to me. "As apostles of Christ we had a right to make some demands on you, but instead we were like children among you. Or we were like mother's feeding and caring for our young children. We loved you so much that we shared with you not only God's good news but our own lives too."

This is crazy to me, because I completely forgot about this writing. And now that I read it, I get goosebumps. I don't know exactly what I meant by "1 Thessalonians speaks volumes to me...", but now I see something amazing. "We loved you so much that we shared with you not only God's good news but our own lives too." This, to me, is why I write this blog. Because I love my friends and family (and even those readers I don't know) and I want to share with you in hopes that anything I write gives you motivation to become more like Jesus. This is my way of sharing my life with you. And I want you to know, I want you to share your life with me too. If you read this and it speaks to you, please share! Message, email, text, comment, whatever! I want to know you too.
Thank you Lord for inspiring me to write, and keep me committed. <3

Joy or Happiness?

Joy is a fruit that ducks in and out of my life. I feel joy when I see my children being kind to each other. I feel joy when my husband surprises me with flowers. I even feel joy when I hear my favorite worship song on the radio. But I loose my joy...when I loose my cool. When I feel like I am owed something. When my cat knocks over a cup of water on the table, chair and floor I just cleaned (that actually just happened. God you are a funny one!) This is not true joy. "Joy is an inner disposition not based on external circumstances and therefore not subject to change. Happiness is a temporary condition based on our circumstances." The Good and Beautiful Life --James Bryan Smith. Okay, inner not outer. So no matter what life throws at me, I am going to choose to maintain my joy. I used to feel like everything that happened in my life justified my reaction (and often overreaction). That I was just a slave to my emotions and I was just recoiling to whatever would happen to bother me, thus justifying my wallowing in self-pity, pride, selfishness and the like. Now the scales have been removed from my eyes and I see that I choose my response. I choose to stay joyful. I choose to be Spirit-filled. I choose to have a tight relationship with the Lord, therefore accepting that He uses all things for the good of those who love Him. I don't get to choose what happens in my life all the time. But I get to choose my reaction every time (if I am self-controlled enough to do so.)
 So that's what I am working on. Baby throws up all over me, what's my reaction? Loose out on my precious joy? Or laugh it off and get on with life. Life is too short to choose to be upset. Choose joy and your life will start to look different. My inspiration for today is 1 Peter 1:8 "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy." Inexpressible and glorious joy. I want my life to look like that!!!(I can't put enough exclamation points on that one!!!)
It's all in the eye of the beholder, how does your life look?

A Good and Beautiful Life

Do you feel that you have a beautiful life? Honestly. Do you think that the life you have is good? There are definitely times that I question this, but when I sit down and really think about it, yes, I do have a good and beautiful life. And this is what my thoughts are on today.
 Some people may not feel they have a good and beautiful life. And my question is, why not? What is the thing that is causing you to miss out on this good life? Now, trace it back to the sin that it came from. Unless you are in denial, your mind probably went straight to what that sin was. For me, part of my life that is not sparkly and beautiful is my relationship with my in-laws. It has come a long way, but it is not perfect. What can that be traced back to? Pride. Thinking I know better. Selfishness. Not willing to try to understand them and their culture. Jealousy. That my husband would care for them more than he would care for me. So the question is, why am (or was I) I holding on to these things? Are these things benefiting me in any way? No. Are they furthering my walk with the Lord? Definitely not. Shining His light to those around me. No way. God does not want me to live a life holding on to fleshly desires and sins. He wants me to live a good and beautiful life full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. He wants me to get rid of the flesh and bring in the Spirit. When I first encountered this idea I thought I was losing something. Part of who I was, being straight forward (aka bitchy), not letting anyone walk all over me (prideful), etc. But now I have realized I am only missing out on the bad things, not anything good. I recently read a book that put it perfectly into words. "The question is not, What will I have to give up to follow Jesus? but rather, What will I never get to experience if I choose not to follow Jesus? The answer is clear: we will forfeit the chance to live a good and beautiful life." The Good and Beautiful Life-James Bryan Smith. By insisting that I don't give up the ugly parts of me, I am forfeiting the beautiful life Jesus wants for me. By not handing over the bad sins of the flesh, I am not allowing the good. A commentary by Dallas Willard on John 10:10 illuminates this even more. "Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in light of God's overriding governance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring." So the definition of goodness, to me, is giving Jesus the bad and living the beautiful life he designed for me. Do you want a beautiful life? I do. So I am going to work on handing over the bad, which is anything that is me and not Him.

A Little Peace Sounds Nice Right About Now...

Peace.  The word itself brings wash of calm feelings over me. Peace itself seems so elusive sometimes. Busy and peace can go together, but they usually don't seem to in my house. I don't feel like I have had a true moment of peace in the last week or two. And who is to blame for this? I would like to say my husband, kids, cats, work, (anyone but myself), but I can't. It's me. I try to shove so much into one day that I don't even have time for peace. Even typing it sounds ridiculous. Peacefulness in the home translates to peaceful attitudes to the family. If I am running my kids ragged, going here, there, and everywhere, nobody is peaceful because everyone is tired of being over committed. This has been weighing on my heart for the last couple of days and I am trying to figure out what to do about it. So, let me go to my instruction manual for life. "Those who love your law have great peace and do not stumble." Psalms 119:165-*-Proverbs 12:20b-"...joy fills the heart of those who plan peace!"-*- "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on You."  Isaiah 26:3. These three verses are so comforting. If I love the law, plan for peace, and fix my thoughts on the Lord, then it's all good! Yes things come up, but the majority of the disruptions in the peace are because of my own poor planning. Proverbs 12:20b in particular speaks to me (although it may be in a different context.) I need to plan for peace. Don't continue shoving more and more into a day I already know is full. That is planning to not have peace. And for the days that are busy and I can't remove anything from them? Love his law and fix my thoughts on Him. If my thoughts are fixed on the Lord, I should be focused on how He would want me to handle busy days and stressful situations. If I love His law, then I should be ready to be loving, kind, patient, good, faithful, joyful, gentle, self-controlled, and....peaceful in all situations. No excuse of busyness will now pass my lips. It is easy to make excuses for unbecoming behavior, but those excuses aren't going to further our walk with the Lord. So no more excuses, I can still choose to be peaceful in a busy life, with help from my BFF Jesus. I am now going to go be *peaceful* with my babies, have a very peaceful and blessed day!

Faithful and True

Faithfulness. This is one of the fruit I just kind of ignored. Not out of avoiding, but out of the feeling of completion. I feel faithful all the time. Every time I read the Bible, pray, appear righteous to those around me, etc. But a general faithfulness not applied to every part of my life is not true faithfulness. The dictionary defines faithfulness as a steady allegiance or affection; loyal; constant.On-again-off-again, periodic, compartmentalized faithfulness is not what this describes. Sometimes we give God part of our life. We say, you can have my home life, but not my work life. You can have my parenting, but not my marriage. You can have everything...except (*fill in the blank.*) This is how my finances got away from me. I was not being faithful with the money God had given me. I stopped asking God if every purchase was necessary and went on a blind spending blitz with a piece of plastic. Now, I am giving Him every part of my life, even the debit card. Thank you for praying for me to have restraint with my spending. I was able to keep my budget this week (for the first time in a long time.) God is faithful. Steady. Loyal. Constant. These define the way our God cares for us, we should do the same. If we are not faithful, does this mean God is not faithful? No! Romans 3:3-4a says "What if some do not have faith? Will this nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all!" But our faith allows God to bless us even more. What area of your life are you not being faithful in? Hand it over to God. Have faith that He can do a better job than we can because of His awesome power and love for us. Have a blessed day :-)

Did You Know...

Ahhh, to sit down. After a long day at work and some quality time with my kids, I finally get to sit down in silence. After a very busy (and very fun!) weekend, I get to write. My topic today was actually brought up from this Sunday's sermon, from the amazing Jeremy McGinty @ the Movement. The part of the sermon that hit me the most was his summary of Romans 6:5-10. It said, "You know what the greatest thing about the cross of Christ is? The cross of Christ has broken the power of sin!" This constantly amazes me. Sin is nothing, so why does it have such a hold on us? We need to take this power God has given us over sin and put it into use. I have heard this passage several times over the last year or so, which has led me to the motto "Just Do It." You may have heard this before from a little known athletic company, but it means the same thing. Do you want to have a different life through Jesus Christ? Just do it. Do you want to change the things (i.e sin) in you that you don't want anymore. Just do it! Do you want to be better mom, wife, daughter, sister, Christian, leader, insert-your-word-hear? Then, JUST DO IT. What is stopping you? It's not sin, because as Paul says in Romans, "For since we know since Christ has been raised from the dead, He cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him...in the same way count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Jesus Christ." What are you afraid of? That you can't do it. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. No excuses. Just do it. Pick your hardest thing to do, and decide to do it. Whatever excuses you've made, throw them out. Excuses are stopping you from being the person God made you to be. Obviously if God is putting something on your heart right now, it's for a reason. What's my hardest thing to do? Bite my tongue and be a submissive wife. What's my excuse? That's just how I am and it doesn't bother my husband that much. Wrong! It is not how God made me to be. See Ephesians 5:21-30. It doesn't bother him much? Of course it does. Proverbs 27:15, "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day." Enough said.
 So I shared my difficult thing, what's yours? Whatever it is...just do it.
 (Please don't sue me Nike ;-)

Self Control-The Elusive Fruit

Busy, busy, busy! I haven't had one minute to sit down in write in the last few days. I have been working on the fruit even when I am not writing, but I have noticed that because I am not dedicating the focused time to this journey, it is almost as though the fruits are starting to wear off. The longer I go without writing, the easier it is to slip back to the familiar place I was in before. I realized this last night when I started snapping at my husband, then realized it had been so long since I sat down and focused. So, as always, I am trying to stick to my goal of writing daily. As I have said before, busy is not an excuse. If I have time to watch a show, I have time to write. If I have time to read, I have time to write. It's just a matter of priorities.
Self control has so many different areas in comes in contact with. Controlling our emotions, controlling our words, controlling our outward behavior. This week the most evident ways I need to control myself are the following: words and spending.
My words convey the most to those around me. If I am spewing nasty words, I don't look like a very good disciple of Jesus. If I am nagging my husband, I don't look like a very submissive wife. It doesn't matter what you are thinking and feeling on the inside if the outside is a volcano of ugly words. Self control is so hard for me because I think I have the right to say exactly what I am feeling, i.e. no filter. If you make me angry, your going to hear it (at least if your my husband ;-). So I am working on the inside so the outside doesn't get so yucky. If I am better at controlling my emotions on the inside, the words I bring out will be kinder. I also must realize every thought does not have to be verbalized, i.e. put a filter on that mouth. The only words that should come out my mouth should be edifying to those around me. My focus for this is based on Ephesians 4:29-"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace for the hearers." I am going to mediate on that one for awhile.
Some issues are matters of internal or personal interaction. Some issues appear to be external, but everything has an impact on you and those around you. This is how my issue with spending is. Although it is so easy to separate this as money thing, something not so personal, it is completely personal! It affects my relationship with the Lord, because He gave me this money to be a steward of. And it affects my relationship with my family, because it can put a strain on family resources. So, a little history on the subject. I like spending money. I always have. It got out of control when we were first married and we (meaning I) got in debt. We were saved by God's grace when we began Crown Financial. This set us on the road to God's success, we knew how God wanted us to spend and save our money. We got out of debt. Then we got back in debt after having the second baby, spending our savings, and then getting a big tax bill. So that's where we are now. In a relatively small amount of debt, but still in debt. We have a plan, but in order for it to work I have to be very dedicated to it, and I have not been. So this week I started a new step for this plan. I withdrew the cash for the non-bill spending for the week (groceries, gas, entertainment, misc.) and divided it into envelopes. I will only use this money to buy what I need this week. This will force me to stay in my budget. Please pray for me to stick to this, because it will be hard! But I know that if I am faithful, He will be faithful. "So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food, drink or clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food up, Your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to Him then they are...Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern." Matthew 6:25-26,32-33. One of my favorite passages and our family verse.
If you have any questions about budgets, envelope spending, how the Lord wants you to spend your money, or if you have been feeling like you need to change what you are doing financially, please contact me and I will do my best to let you know I have learned or direct you to someone who can help you. God bless and control yourself!

From The Inside Out, or The Outside In?

This morning I had the pleasure of waking before my children (an occurrence that is starting to happen quite frequently, thank you Lord!). I was able to start my day in the best way possible, reading the Word without interruption. As I played Bible roulette, I flipped through and saw some interesting commentaries. After reading through these, they led me to Romans 8. The struggle of flesh vs. Spirit is so familiar, yet convicting. My favorite verses are verse 5 and 9. Verse 5 says, "Those who are dominated by the sinful nature, think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Holy Spirit." So, when I was focused on myself, I was focused on the sin of selfishness. Even if I was doing all the right things on the outside, the inside was not focused on pleasing the Spirit. Sure, there were times I would be focused on the Spirit. But many times I would be bitter, angry, selfish. And for what? Really, nothing. The true conviction of this verse for me? If your mind is dominated by sin, it doesn't matter what you are doing on the outside. Verse 9 gives us guidance and hope. "But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit, if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember, those of you who don't have the Spirit of Christ living in you are not Christians at all.)" So, if you have the Spirit of God living in you, you will allow the Spirit to control you. This is not some kind of mind control robot thing. It is a freedom from the bondage of sin. This control by the Spirit is what produces the fruits of the Spirit. Say no to the flesh, say yes to Christ's leading. "For all who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God." Romans 8:14. Let the Spirit lead you so you can produce the fruit He designed for you. Don't let the outside appearance fool you. It might look great, but if the inside leading doesn't match, it is all for nothing. I know this outside appearance was like blinders for me. I did what the Lord wanted me to do outwardly, but my thoughts were often selfish and focused on sin. I am focused on allowing the Spirit to lead me now, and I want the inside and outside to match. I want all the dedication to the things of God outwardly, to match the thoughts and feelings inwardly. Thank you Lord for shedding light on this subject for me! I'm actually not even sure how I got to this place from these verses, but hopefully it makes sense to someone out there...

A Fruit Filled Day

Yesterday was quite a busy day. Busy usually equals crazy, but yesterday was not crazy. I actually felt like I exhibited or was surrounded by every fruit yesterday. The morning started out with sleeping in which was very PEACEFUL, then having my KIND husband make my a very yummy breakfast. After that, I took Ava to pick up Tucker from a sleepover with his Aunti. I showed him some LOVE after being away from him and missing his cute little face :-) We left there and went to Target, where the Lord blessed me with SELF-CONTROL while shopping. I was able to get out of there without buying anything unnecessary. We went home to rest for a little while, which is when is when I got to exercise my PATIENCE with a crying, screaming, tantrum throwing 4 year old who shall remain nameless ;-) I was able to be GENTLE while disciplining, but boy was it hard. Definitely not my favorite thing in the world to do. After getting everyone ready with perfectly groomed hair, coordinating outfits, accessories, and the full shebang, we loaded up to go get our portraits done at the park with our Life Group. After having some amazing shots with our favorite photographer, our Life Group decided to bring some GOODNESS to the local homeless population in Escondido. We were able to buy them some nice hot pizza, water bottles, and care packages. This really helped open mine and Jimmy's eyes, but also Tucker's, to the blessings that God has given us and the duty we have to help those less fortunate. Romans 12:13 says, "Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." This is what we wanted to do, and we had a good time interacting and praying with the very nice people of Grape Day Park. After this, we went to my in laws house and had some awesome fellowship with great food and UFC fights (you might be thinking this is weird, but that's just how we roll :-). The entire day strengthened my FAITH and brought me great JOY. My husband said it best the next morning, "That was one of those days that I would like to live over again." I couldn't agree more. I have to admit, I did have times I was very close to losing my temper. But the Spirit is an awesome thing. When you are about to lose it, you take a deep breath, say a prayer, and things seem to go smoothly. Did you have a fruit filled day? I hope so! Here is to many more like it...

A Little Glimpse Into My Day...

Today has been a good day. The morning went smoothly, thanks to prayer over my children before they woke up. Tucker comes in and sleeps with me after Jimmy goes to work. As he lay there sleeping peacefully, I prayed over his heart, mind, attitude and future. I realized I should be doing this daily over both kids to protect their minds and spirits. My goal wasn't an obedient robot child, but it did have some nice results. We got Tucker off to school and Ava and I ran some errands with a friend. We then picked Tucker up and had some lunch and ice cream after school with one of his buddies. This was our scheduled fun. As dorky as it sounds, I have actually put "fun" on the schedule to ensure it gets in there. I believe we have fun everyday, but I want to make sure having fun with my kids doesn't get overrun by cleaning, cooking, volunteering, work, etc. that goes with the daily grind. So Friday's after school is now fun time. We then came home, did chores, and has some more (unscheduled) fun with our new found favorite game: obstacle course. I set up several tasks (running laps around the bar, riding the horse toy back and forth, thinking games such as stacking the rings in correct order, anything that gets out energy and requires mind skills) and time Tucker to see how long it takes him to do it. He often wants to do it over and over to improve his score. Although there were many things jammed in this day, it has been very peaceful. 2 Peter 1:2 is what I attribute this peace to, "May God bless you with His special favor and wonderful peace as you come to know Jesus, our God and Lord, better and better." The peace in my home is not from me, it is from the Lord. I am not anywhere close to being done with this journey, but I am coming to know Jesus better and better, and this is bringing peace to my home. Thank you Lord for peace! It is SOOO much nicer than strife. Just in case you were wondering what we did today, now you know! How was your day? I would love to hear about it!

And The Word of the Day Is...

Patience. The Lord is growing me in so many ways right now and today all signs point to patience. Literally, as I am writing this my son spilled a full glass of chocolate milk all over the table and floor, and I realized I was out of paper towels. Please Lord, I need patience! From marriage, to parenting, to leadership, to work, all facets of my life require patience. I worked yesterday and realized that I have the ability to be very patient. I am patient with my...patients. I am patient with my coworkers. So why does it change when I come home? I feel the need to be kind, patient, etc. with strangers, but they mean nothing to me. My family means everything to me, shouldn't I show them the traits I show to strangers? The answer is yes. So how am I going to put it into practice? Last night the Lord should me some interesting things. We started day one of "The Love Dare" and, wouldn't you know it, the topic is "Love is Patient." Some quotes I liked from the book are the following:
"Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes."
"Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient (*remember we are choosing this*), you respind in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper...Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm."
"...patience stops problems in their tracks. It is more than biting your lip, more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath. It clears the air. It stops foolishness from whipping its scorpion tail all over the room. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you."
"As sure as a lack of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will foster peace and quiet."
"Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time then they deserve to correct it."
These quotes are so real and inspiring. I will be putting in my full effort to being patient. My verse for meditation today will be Proverbs 15:18 "A hot tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute." With all of the fruits of the Spirit being intertwined, being off on one negatively affects the others. So with patience, comes many beautiful things, and I want to see them alive in my home.

What Do You Need on a Rainy Day?

Patience, that's what. All I can say is my So Cal babies can't stand not leaving the house all day. Baby girl is so fussy and has been attached to my hip all day. Big boy is throwing fits and wasting time. When I write that it sounds silly, because I guess we have time to spare, its just frustrating to ask him to do things and for it to take 3 hours. So, that's where my patience comes in. "Love is patient..." Well, I love my children, so I must be patient. Even when Ava doesn't go down for her nap...three times in a row. And when Tucker decides to take 45 minutes to eat a sandwich (not exaggerating on either one, wish I was.) I still have to choose to be patient. Not to mention that I have a great example of patience in the Lord. For the many years I did not obey him, and the more recent times I still slip up (like today for example), He still patiently waits for my plea for forgiveness. If my job as a parent is to show my children God's love, a very important part of this is patience. And another thing I am learning is that we have to choose our behavior and feelings. Am I choosing to be an angry, bratty, bitter, vengeful person? Or, am I choosing to be a loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, and self-controlled person? I think I'll choose the latter...how about you? Who are you choosing to be today?
 So, on this rainy day I am choosing to be patient.