The Fruit of Disorder

Disorder. That is my life. Half of my house in boxes in preparation for a move four days after Christmas. But more then the physical disorder, is the emotional one. It has crept into my home and has everyone out of sorts. There is disrespect, back-talking, and anger coming out from little mouths and big mouths alike. I am exhausted and frustrated at the end of each day, not knowing how to teach little people respect, let alone exhibit it myself. When I read this verse, the word "disorder" leapt off the page into my eyeball. It's exactly the word I have been feeling. 
"For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind." James 3:16 NLT
Selfish is not the first word I would use to describe myself. I feel like I give a lot of myself to my children, husband, and church. But God took some scales off these eyes. In a loving way that only God has, He gently showed how small things can be selfish too. For example, when I get mad that I have to stop reading the Bible to help someone go potty, even though she has been potty trained for a year. Or when I have to explain why God let's it rain when we want to play baseball or why you have to wear shoes to go to Target when I really just want to rock out to Hillsong. They are little things. They are not in and if themselves bad. So the devil says, "You need these things for yourself. Don't let them inconvenience you." But he is wrong. This mentality has been showing its fruit. And it's rotting, hideous, and foul smelling. So, if sowing these thoughts (even unintentionally) has brought about disgusting fruit, what brings about sparkling, clean, beautiful fruit? 
But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. (James 3:17-18 NLT)

Wisdom. And the fruit of wisdom is pure, peace loving, gentle at all times, yielding, full of mercy, good deeds, impartial, sincere, and righteous. I could go for more of that. In fact, my soul yearns for it. God offers it, I need it. He is so good. It is hard to believe sometimes.

My next series will be on wisdom, and all that it entails. I hope you will join me.

Agent

It's just one of those nights. A night that seemed to be going oh so well, and then ends with three raging tantrums and tears on their pillows (and probably my pillow too.) I don't exactly know how we got here. But I know what I need to do now. Open the Book that I should have opened this morning and ask for some guidance.
The next few verses from this series on Colossians are 16 and 17.
Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. NLT
If you don't mind, I am feeling like going a little out of order here. I just have to start with this: And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus. That sets the tone for everything else we hear. We are representatives of Jesus Christ. Hold up one second... That's a big responsibility. We are agents, here to show others who we represent. We are the first glimpse of what Jesus stands for, and sometimes the only glimpse for some people. That is a little scary to me, but instead of being intimidated I am going to take it as a challenge. I'm putting my name tag on as Caite, Agent for Jesus. 
So now that I know what I my role is, I need to figure out how to go about doing that. 
Several months ago, during a particularly rough season, I begged God for answers on how to stop bring such an angry mom. He told me many things, and one of them was so simple. "Turn My music on." I thought it was simple, a little unusual, but enjoyable. So I tried it. I started putting on "Praising Jesus Radio" on Pandora. And the most amazing thing happened. I was happy. I was brought to my knees in tears during precious worship. It didn't matter if I was washing dishes, curling my hair, or picking up toys. It made my heart joyful. And it surrounded me in a cloud of God's glory and beauty. It changed my heart with a simple touch of a button and obedience to God's command. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. At any time, in any place. It's the beauty of technology working for Him.
This leads to the first part of the verse. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. When you have this joyful, thankful, Spirit-filled heart, it allows His message to fill your life. His grace, mercy, forgiveness, peace, and everything He stands for is almost too much to handle. It spreads in your life like warm, rich chocolate filling every nook and crany of an intricate mold. In all its richness. I love it. 
Only when these things have been put into place, do I feel it possible to attempt the final responsibility appropriately. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. I have tried it so many times, but rarely with the mind that is prepared with the three prerequisites covered above. And most, if not every time, I try to do this of my own power, I fail. Miserably. Now, I know the order. I know how to prepare myself to be an effective teacher and counselor to whoever God puts in my life in this season. The ones I teach and counsel on a daily basis are my children, for you it may be a friend, coworker, or even stranger. Consider these steps before speaking, before trying to do it your way. Because I can tell you, if your way is anything like my way, it's not going to end well. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. With all the wisdom He gives.

So now I can see where it went so wrong, I can prepare for tomorrow to go right. I am His agent, are you ready to make that commitment?

Peace

When I think of the holidays, I do not think of peace. I think of crazy people trampling each other on Black Friday. I think of all of the errands I need to run to get people gifts with money that I have very little of. I think of the many commitments I have made to try to suck all of the Christmas spirit, well, out of Christmastime. The only peace I think of is when I here "Peace on earth, good will to men" blasting from the overhead speakers at Target. But today, in the midst of the Christmas craziness, I am reminded that peace does not depend on a time of year or what is happening around me, but something that comes from inside my heart.
Colossians 3:15 says, "And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." NLT.
Strong's Greek Lexicon describes peace that comes from Christianity as this: the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is.
A tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ. My soul can rest at ease, because the work has already been done for me. Jesus already died, He already won the battle, I received a gift I didn't deserve. I have NOTHING to worry about! My soul is secure in the promises God made me.
 And so fearing nothing from God... The freedom that comes from having nothing to fear is, well, freeing. It allows you to not worry about what will come today, tomorrow or next year. When the storms come, you know they are going to water what needs to be water and wash away what's not supposed to be there. You know God is doing everything for the good of those who love Him, and that any circumstance, no matter how painful or joyful, will bring you closer to Him while simultaneously bringing glory to Him. There is nothing to fear.
And content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is. Whether it's possessions, status, location, or circumstance, we are content. Just as Paul says, "...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11b-13 NIV. God has given us no more, or no less, then we can handle. He has fulfilled our needs, just like He promises. And He will continue to fulfill our needs, all we have to do is trust Him.

Peace. It now has a new meaning to me. Now all I have to do is embody it, take it into my body like the air I breathe, and return it out to those around me. "For as members of one body (we) are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Right now I am thankful for what the Lord has showed me in His word, just like He does every time I open it. God is good :-) Spread some peace today, Lord knows the world needs it.

Love Clothing

"Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony." Colossians 3:14 NLT

This verse has always spoken to me. I have actually already written a blog post on this before. But the beautiful thing about the Word is that it is transcendently living and active. You can read it a million times, and each time the Lord will show you something new, something different, something that you need to know at that exact moment in time. Today, the Lord showed me a new picture. It's a woman who has many things up in the air. Children-talking, arguing, playing; a husband-busy with work, needing food and clean clothes; a to do list a mile long'; commitments to church, friends, family; bills to be paid, with just enough money to do that; home school books needing to be opened. She has her hands up in the air trying to hold them all, without being crushed. The look on her face says, "I don't think I can do this." But God comes along and clothes her with love, it's like a blanket that covers her head and body, bringing her arms down to cross her heart. His love is the covering that keeps it all together. It enables us to put our arms down and trust that He will keep everything from crushing us. He clothes us with love so we know how to love. He offers us this blanket of love, so we can share it with others who need it. But as the verse says, "clothe yourself with love" (emphasis mine). We have to chose to put it on. Not just once, but each day. Every morning, just like getting dressed, it has to be a choice to put love on. When you do, you spread it to those around you. Imagine a world where everyone loved, and felt loved. I just have to pause a second to dream about what a beautiful place that would be...
 That is what God wanted for us, we just got in His way. But we can be the change agent. We can be the ones that show others how to love. We have the perfect Father who taught us how. He loved us so much, He sent His son. Then, we can move towards being "(bound) together in perfect harmony." 
God is putting someone on your mind who needs love, and you are going to be the one who shows it to them. God sent you to this time and this place for a reason, fulfill the deeds He planned for you in advance and make someone happy :-)

Hard--->Tenderhearted

Some days I have a hard time understanding why God wants me to homeschool Tucker. As we speak he is (supposed to be) working on an independent assignment. It's his least favorite: handwriting. He is just not a fine motor skills kind of guy. He stops every word or two and reminds me how much he dislikes it. It's pure joy for me...not. Sometimes being mom and teacher is not fun. But I know God told me to do this. And I know that Tucker is not the only one learning new things. God is using these scriptures to remind me that He is refining me everyday.
Colossians 3:12b-13- "... you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."
Not only are three out of five virtues fruits of the Spirit, but all five are extremely necessary for the season of life God has put in me in right now. On any given day of homeschooling, I break, pretty much, every single command. Gentleness has always been one of the hardest fruits for me. I am just not a gentle person, apparently. But God is. And I am striving to be like Him. He can teach me how to adopt that personality trait, just like He adopted me-permanently. Tenderhearted mercy! Yet another hard one for me. Why am I so hard??? I have been ruling my roost with an iron fist, running my classroom like a dictator. Tenderhearted. The word alone almost makes me want to cry since it is so far from my heart. It makes me remember when my kids were babies (before they could talk back to me) and how tenderly I held them to my heart, I never wanted to let them go. Lord, please help me to go back to that heart. They are still my babies no matter how big they are. Kindness, humility, patience. All things I lack. But thank God, my Father in Heaven, has these qualities woven into His word to teach me how to treat my children. And verse 13, "Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." As immature as it is to admit it, I take ridiculous offense to Tucker disobeying me. Like scary offense. I so easily forget all of the times I have disobeyed the Lord and He has forgiven me. And I have the audacity to not extend the same compassion, humility, and  tenderhearted mercy to them who have such less offense. Oh, I am so convicted right now. God is working so beautifully in my life, I cannot waste time feeling guilt or condemnation when I see the glorious forgiveness I have received and can then turn around and extend it to others. I am so amped on the Holy Spirit right now. Imagine me doing a whooping yell and a happy dance right now :) :) :) Lord, You are SO GOOD!!! Please let me take this Word into my heart like the blood that runs through it, so deeply I cannot live without it. Change my heart from stone to a soft, comfy, cozy place that my family wants to be. Help me to be tenderhearted, gentle, patient, kind, and humble to, not only my children, but everyone I come in contact with in this dark world. Your Word is the air I breathe, I can't live without it. Amen <3

He Chose (me)

In the midst of the busyness of Thanksgiving weekend-cooking, cleaning, shopping- God reminded me that everything I have to be thankful is from Him, and that even blessings can get in the way of worshiping and pursuing our True Love. So, as I write this I am sitting at my computer in the dining room, which is half way taken apart to be deep cleaned and put back together, to sit and worship my True Love. I literally dropped my cleaning rag in the middle of cleaning and grabbed my Bible to study, and God called me back to the Scripture I started writing about a few days ago, Colossians 3:12-17.

Starting from the beginning  verse 12 says, "Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves..." Hold up. I can't get past that, let me say that again. "Since God chose (me) to be the holy people He loves..." 

me. Little old me. Someone who has a hard heart, who chose other things above Him, who questions His wisdom. Someone He knew would do these things, yet He sent His Son anyway. He chose me. He chose me (and you) to be the holy people He loves. Pardon me repeating myself, but, He LOVES us! Unbelievable. And it doesn't matter who you are, what you have done, what you are going to do, or any other thing in this world. He loves you more then anyone in this world ever could (even more than your mom ;-). There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more, and there is nothing you can ever do to make Him love you less. There is nothing as guaranteed as this. Although I know this, it still strikes me as amazing, the greatest gift anyone could ever receive. 

So...I am going to take a little while to meditate, marinate, ruminate on this promise and let it soak in to brain and heart properly. Once that is completed, I will move on to verse 12 part b, since I can't even get past part a! God is good friends, and He LOVES YOU!!!

Chosen One's

It's been awhile... With busyness that having three children brings, I have not been blogging very much. And even more, I haven't felt the Lord put on my heart anything to say. So imagine my surprise this morning when the Lord did lead me to write and all of my children just *happen* to be still asleep. I am excited to see what the Lord has to say to me today :)
Last night I caught a glimpse of a Scripture someone posted on Facebook, Colossians 3:12-17. It is a familiar passage, if only its Words would stick to my mind like the dried oatmeal stuck to my kitchen table (which you moms may know, is like cement!) So, I asked God to remind me to read it in the morning to start my day off with a prepared mind and heart. This morning, this is what I read: "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colossians 3:12-17 ESV) I just LOVE how perfect, relevant, and true God's Word is every single time.
Let me preface this a little bit. In the time I have not been blogging, I have struggling with anger in my parenting. Big time. I am ashamed to say it, but I have to confess it so that I can repent of it and allow God to change my heart. I love my children and know that being a parent is a huge responsibility. God is giving me the privilege of having the largest influence they will ever experience. He chose me, a sinner and flawed human being, to raise other mini human beings. I am the "chosen one" for these three babies. I have to treat them as something special, something to be cherished. They belong to God, not me. I need to steward them with the special care that I would treat someone's most *special* possession. Because they are God's most special possession, every single one of us is. Whoops, got going there a little ;) So, that being said, I am going to *attempt* to do a series of posts on Colossians 3:12-17. No promises on how long it will be between posts, but I feel like God wants me to do this and as long as I keep feeling that way I will continue writing. Meditate on this Scripture and see what God speaks to your heart. I was going to try to start on verse 12 today, but two out of my three children just woke up. One just lost his tooth and one is trying to lay on my face. So, I think God is telling me to save that for next time ;) Have a blessed day!

What A Year

Its summer time! Every time I think that I hear, "Summertime and the livin easy, Bradley's on the microphone with Ras-MG, All the people in the dance will agree that we're well qualified to represent the LBC." Just thought you should know that ;-) Aaaaahhhhhhhh. I have such a sense of peace. Our first year of homeschooling is complete! There were literally times that I thought I wouldn't make it through. But then I would be reminded through friends helpful words or the Lord's whisper, that this is what He wanted for us. It was a hard year, but a good year. I was able to teach my son to read. To READ! That was one of the highlights of my life. To watch his brain work through sounds and letters and put them together and sound words out, truly amazing. I learned so much about myself and about each one of my children. I learned Tucker is a perfectionist (exactly like his mother.) He can have a bad attitude sometimes (exactly like his mother.) He is motivated to finish something by the promise of being told he can play with his sisters. And he is very bright and learns things easily when he is focused. I learned Ava acts tough, but really is my little girl who needs to be held. She learns easily when listening to her brother learn. She cannot go too long without some kind of attention while we are doing school, unless she is playing with her baby dolls. And she LOVES taking care of Sadie. I met Sadie for the first time during this year. I got to know her personality, which first seemed quiet, calm, and sweet and now appears to be more feisty, humorous, and determined. I learned when she gets something, she catches on quickly. And I learned her brother and sister can make her laugh more then anyone. For myself, I learned that whatever God brings me to, He will bring me through. He put it in my heart to home school Tucker from Day 1. He changed Jimmy's heart to want the same thing. He put someone in my Life Group that worked at Coastal Academy. He put it in Tucker's heart to want to leave preschool. He cleared the way to what we were supposed to do for Kindergarten. I learned that when I feel like I can't do something, God will show me how. There were days after I had Sadie that I really wanted to drive by the local elementary school and boot Tucker out of the car. But I didn't. And now I am glad I didn't. Because I would have missed so many wonderful things. I learned that my standards can be too high sometimes, and God had to remind me that he is 5. He is only 5. He is my baby, and I can't push him to grow up to fast, because he can never be that exact age again. {*Okay, now I am crying...sniff sniff!*}

God gave me a perfect message today through my Parenting by Design Daily Devotional on my YouVersion Bible App. It said, "Fleshly desires emerge when we believe a person's value depends on what he does, what he owns, and what others think of him. This is often reflected in the goals and expectations we have for our children. We crave the validation that worldly success brings more than we are willing to admit, and when our kids' actions or appearance fall short, we can become anxious, angry, and disappointed. Kindness flows from knowing who we are in Christ. In Him, we are unconditionally loved and accepted with all our flaws. Grasping this reality gives us the freedom to be content because neither our kids or we have anything to prove." This is exactly what I needed to hear at the end of a year where I was so concerned with making sure he learned everything he needed to know (and more) and prove that I was an excellent teacher for him. He has learned what God wants him to learn and he is developmentally exactly where God wants him to be. I did my best and so did he. And that devotional will help me to relax over the Summer and have the right focus for next year. And to top it all off, guess what Scripture that devotional was based on? Good old Galatians 5:22. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith..."

And to put a beautiful end to a growing year of homeschooling, I will share a verse with you. My son opened up his Bible on his own and read me this verse (by his own choosing) on the way to his last conference of the year. He read,

 "The King is powerful and loves justice. Lord, you made things fair;

you have done what is fair and right for the people of Jacob." Psalm 99:4.

So blessed...

Tucker's First Day of (Home)School

Math Manipulatives

Last Day of School!!!

Chicken Pox and Other Fun Things...

Do you want to hear about my week. I guess if you are reading this, you do ;-) The story begins 2 Wednesday's ago... Ava woke up with a large bump on her forehead that looked like a bug bite. I thought it was weird, thoroughly checked her bedding, found nothing, but decided to wash it anyway. We went about our day, Beth Moore, homeschooling, then Life Group at night. The next morning, Ava woke up covered in bumps. The dreaded chicken pox. I couldn't believe my eyes, looking at my sweet little girl with hundreds of bumps covering her tiny body. After calling everyone she had been around in the few days prior to the outbreak, along with doctors, and prayer warriors, I settled in for 7-14 days of being home. With sick kids. No yard. No leaving. After a few hours of panic/annoyance/fear of the situation, I made a game plan with God on how we would handle this. I wasn't super worried about the actual illness, we all had chicken pox when I was little. I was mostly concerned how I would make it through the week without a)screaming at my kids, b) losing my mind, and/or c) completely undoing all of the work I have done in creating discipline and order in my home. I instantly increased the television consumption amount, because, seriously, all I want to do when I am sick is watch tv, and what else would they do. I also made it my goal to go to Target, Henry's, anywhere, in the evening so I could talk to big people and clear my head. Above all, I asked the Lord to give me patience with my children and the situation in general. As the days passed by, I really felt the Lord gave me a super dose of patience. I was even surprised by how patient I was. I also noticed that without a schedule, without a time to be out the door by, without our normal crazy life, I could spend more time holding, loving, reading,--just being--with them. I also think I know why this happened. At the Life Group I went to right before finding out about the pox, I heard a divine whisper from the Lord. We discussed the loving sacrifice God made by sending His son to the world for our sins. My sins. And for me to waste one day of this life is not being thankful for the sacrifice He made. It's wasting the time He gave me to make a difference in this world. My job at this time is being a wife and a mother. My goal in being a mother is to have an undying passion for the Lord that my children witness, and God willing, choose to have themselves. It is showing them with my life, how to serve, how to love, how to worship, how to be a light to a dying world. Not to preach to them, not to tell them with words, but to show with my life. I left that night with a renewed vision of what God put me on Earth for. And the next day my kids have chicken pox. Buzz kill. Or I should say, attempted buzz kill. Nice try Satan, not going to happen. Although I could not completely go full charge with my plan, I have not, and will not, forget my purpose. I will use my life as an example. And just like any human, I will make mistakes, but even then I can show the Lord's forgiveness and mercy to forgive a sinner like me. I cannot depend on teaching them with my words, I need to show them with The Word walked out. Thank you Lord for the bad times, because even in those you show me beauty and teach me things I could have otherwise never learned. Thank you for renewing the vision You have for my life, the vision what will outlive my life alone, but spread down through future generations. You are a loving and powerful God and I an thankful for the ability to serve you.

Nearsighted Vision

Some of you may have seen on Facebook that I was hoping to write a blog post yesterday. Well, yesterday turned into today. Yesterday...ah yesterday. There are no words for you. And you also kindly spilled into today. Yesterday started out as a beautiful idea God gave me and somehow morphed into utter chaos. I started the day by reading the fruits of the Spirit to the kids and helping them (and myself) choose one to work on. I also introduced a new facet of our discipline process, which is: stopping at the very moment the child(ren) has a hard time choosing to listen and praying for God to help them make the right choice. Sounds like an awesome plan, right? Well, for whatever reason, my two older kids decided that there new favorite pass time is lets-see-how-mad-we-can-make-Mommy-before-she-goes-insane. Tucker literally thinks its a game, Ava just goes along with it and adds her own twist by being blatently disobedient AND extremely confrontational. So, I am thinking...Maybe the idea God gave me (about reading the fruits of the Spirit every morning and praying with the kids at the moment they choose to obey or disobey) is such an awesome idea that the devil literally can't stand it. Yeah, I am going to go with that. As Ephesians 6:12 tells us, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." When the devil sees that I am imprinting on my childrens souls the automatic reaction to pray when unsure of what to do is a direct threat to him in his ability to pursuade them away from God's plan for them. And because of this, it seems as though all hell has broken loose in my house. But now that I can see this for what it is, its easier to handle. We were all spun out, going totally crazy. Now I can refocus on my goal: raising children who have a passion for the Lord. Sometimes I feel so nearsighted regarding the day to day goings on in my life and forget about the further vision that God has for myself and my family. I am so caught up in, "what the h--- is wrong with these kids" I can't see it for what it is. Something far more than just kids acting badly.
Thank you Jesus for sorting out my problems through writing this blog. It is not always easy to sit down and write, but when I do you take my nearsightedness and turn it into long range xray vision that allows me to see into the future and into the things unseen. You are a parent yourself so you know how I feel. I love your comfort and understanding Lord. Thank you :-)

Thank God for This Blog

Let me give you a little insight into my day...
"Guys, don't eat cat food." "You guys, just because I am on the phone doesn't mean you can pull out every dvd box, open the door and go on the porch without permission, and eat cat food (again.)" "Ava don't take your diaper off, especially when it has poop in it." "Tucker, don't tell your sister to eat cat food (yes, for the third time.)" Arrrrrggggghhhhhhh!
On days like this I wonder why I make my life harder than it has to be. Why did I insist on homeschooling? Why do I refuse to put Ava in preschool? Why do I hold my babies so much? Why do I limit my kids television consumption? Oh yeah, because God told me to. As frazled and tired I get, I have the strength to go on because I know I am doing what the Lord wants me to do. And I also have this blog to collect my thoughts from the day. The Lord uses this blog to let me know of any changes I can make to prevent these crazy occurances in the future.
That's all I can write for now, I am about one more cat food eating episode away from being completely fried in the brain
@@
  ~
~~~