Honor

As some of my Facebook friends might have seen several weeks ago, I was in search of the book "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids!" A book by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. No one had it, so I waited for awhile, and then after a particularly difficult day of whining and crying (from both Tucker and me), I broke down and ordered it off Amazon. My only regret is that I didn't get this sooner (like 5 years ago when Tucker was soon to be born.) This book is all about a family based on honor. Honor is refrenced thoroughly in the Bible and this book has many Scriptures throughout. Honor is defined as treating people as special, doing more than what's expected, and having a good attitude. It is not possible to whine and honor at the same time. It is also not possible to yell at your children and honor them at the same time. Your children will never learn honor if you are not honoring to them or your spouse. That was the key to me understanding the problems that we have been experiencing with Tucker's behavior lately. I am usually frustrated with Tucker's behavior and am short with him when it comes to correction. When I do that it does not help him to calm down and listen, it sends this particular child into a fury, and it is also not showing him honor. If I honor my child by showing him the time and calm attitude I have to hear him out and then answer him, he has the ability to have an honoring response. This does not give him an excuse to not supply first time obedience, it shows him how people are supposed to respond to each other, with grace and patience.
We have been talking a lot about honor since I started reading the book, and we have had several family discussions around the dinner table about how to honor each other. When Tucker starts whining or arguing, I ask him if his behavior is honoring me or not. Sometimes he will say he is not honoring me and he will stop arguing. Then we will discuss a better way to talk about the issue. Sometimes he says/yells, "I don't want to talk about honoring anymore," and continues in his behavior. It is definately a work in progress, but I can already see fruit. I know that the work I put into bringing this family up in honor will be worth it. It is a lot of work, but it would be either way, right?
I highly recommend this book to any person who believes that the Bible has an answer for everything that life throws at you. But be prepared...this is not a quick fix answer for your child. It is a long term family change that challenges both child and parent. But its worth it :-)

Undisciplined Parent=Out of Control Child

I am seriously sucking at following the fruits of the Spirit today. As calm as I am trying to be, it is just not happening. Tucker has been very defiant lately, the talking back is what kills me. Whether its whining, arguing, or just straight disobedience, it drives me insane. This morning was just the last straw. Instead of correcting him in love and gentleness I corrected him in anger and loss of control. In addition to this being the complete wrong way to Biblically discipline a child, this particular child is very sensitive and starts screaming when I yell at him, which I did today. That just makes me more angry and the simple correcting process has spiraled out of control. I finally had to stop it and step out to cool off.
As easy as it is to blame Tucker for what happened, I am the mother and I am the one who needs to have self control, no matter what he does. I have to set up my day to prepare my heart for whatever is thrown at me and not react in anger. I (of course) did not start my day in the Word, nor did I ask the Lord to give me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self control towards my children or anyone else I come in contact with today. And then it just seems silly to me, how can I expect my day to go if I don't prepare myself? Is it any suprise my child is out of control when I myself am being undisciplined? Of course not. Just another lesson brought to you by the fruits of the Spirit ;-) Now I am going to meditate and pray on incorporating all of the fruits into my parenting for the rest of this day. Its never too late to save the day from ruin.