Five Years of Wedded...

On the eve of my five year anniversary, I would like to tell you the story of two young kids that fell in love and found Jesus. It's a little heavy on the details (and the cheesiness), so if you don't want to know, then don't read it! My reason for wanting to share this is to show that God can save any marriage, and to let you know that nobody's perfect. I (of course) have permission from my husband to share this story :-)
It starts at Palomar College in January of 2004. I was 16 years old and starting my second semester of college. On the first day of English 100 I spotted a handsome, quiet Mexican home boy (just kidding, he was more like a spoiled little Encinitas boy, lol.) After getting to know each other in small group discussions, I asked Jimmy if he would like to sit by me, and he declined. Not being one to back down, I asked him once more several weeks later and he accepted my invitation to sit together in the back row. Come to find out later, his mom told him not to get involved with underage girls (which was probably good advice!) The teacher had us exchange numbers to call each other for homework, so I already had his number. After Jimmy didn't show up for the last day of school, I called him to see if he wanted to hang out sometime. He came over that night, lol! From the moment we started talking and spending time together, we knew we wanted to be together forever. And if it was only that easy...after several weeks of dating I found out that the reason this handsome boy was so quiet most of the time is because he was stoned...most of the time. Having been in a previous relationship with some of the same issues, I offered him an ultimatum. Stop smoking weed or we're done. So he stopped smoking, for a little while. And then starting smoking again, but failed to let me in on that small little detail. I found out and was furious. I tried to break it off, but I loved him so much that I gave him second chance. Which turned into a third chance, and fourth chance, and probably more, I lost track. After about a year and eight months of dating, we were surprised with news that we would be having a child. This was finally enough for Jimmy to stop smoking weed for good. We were engaged (somewhat), at least we knew we wanted to get married in the summer of 2007. But this pressing news moved the wedding up to January 2006. We planned our wedding in two months, and it is actually quite a blur still to this day. Our wedding was beautiful, I wouldn't have changed a thing. I was still able to have the kind of wedding I wanted. So we started our lives as grown ups, thinking we new everything and could handle it all. We were sadly mistaken. After the wonderful birth of Tucker, taking time off from work, and everything that comes with having a baby, the bills were piling up and the tension was getting high. We were fighting over pretty much everything. On top of all that I had discovered shortly after getting married that Jimmy had an addiction to pornography. It was heartbreaking. I thought marriage was supposed to be happy, easy, and perfect. Instead I felt betrayed, unloved, and pissed. I tried everything to get him to stop, including having him sign a contract stating that if he watch porn again that Tucker and I would be leaving him. The problem was every time he would mess up, I would tell him exactly how to fix it. "Be on your best behavior, buy me something pretty, and then I will be mad for a month and then forgive you." (Seriously, I was so crazy and controlling.) You would think that would be enough to stop him, but the devil's hold was so strong. I did catch him again, and Tucker and I did leave. In my heart, I knew I would never leave him forever. But I made a contract and I had to stick to it. So I packed us up and moved to my moms house. Everyday Jimmy would come over after work and try to make things better. Having had me fix all of his problems for him, he didn't know how to fix it for himself. I told him to figure it out and come back tomorrow. He came back the next day with a list. On it he said, "Go to the Movement every Sunday. Join a Life Group. Attend marriage counseling if necessary. Not go on the computer anymore. Try my hardest to not do this again. Try to forgive me for what I've done." As mad as I wanted to be, I couldn't anymore. This was the turning point. This was the biggest moment in our walk with God. This was the beginning of a truly blessed life with the Lord and each other. We joined Pastor Marc's Life Group and learned what it meant to be in a church family. We have never missed a Sunday without reason of illness or vacation. We LOVE being involved in our church family. And it all started from a horrible moment in our lives. God can take the ugly and make it beautiful. He has been refining both of us (especially me) throughout the last 3+ years that we have been attending the Movement. God is so good, if you will just trust Him.
I love my husband more today than I ever could have imagined standing at the altar on my wedding day. He is the most handsome, loving, caring, hard working, husband and father I could have prayed for and I thank God for him every single day. I am blessed and honored to be Mrs. Balderas :-)
If you are in the same position and need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact me. I know exactly how you feel, and that God can bring you through this. I hope this touched someone out there. Peace and God bless :-)