Over the last week or so I have been evaluating where I am at with my journey. How have I grown, how have I changed, and what do I still need to change? I am no where near where I need to be, but I have come a long way. Something that caught my attention this week was how I have been responding to Tucker. In my last blog post I mentioned that one of my new years "resolutions" (more like general focus) was that I wanted to stop being so controlling of Tucker (and Jimmy). I have really put some effort into this over the last few days and I have seen quite an improvement, from him and myself. The key to this is self-control and patience, which if you have ever read this blog before, you know these are NOT my strong points. God really opened my eyes to what I have been doing and what I should be doing. When Tucker would do something that I didn't like, my automatic reaction would be to grab the thing out of his hand, cut him off while he was talking, or something else totally rude that I would never to do to an adult (I know, I am the best mom ever :-/ ). So now what I (try) to do is hear him out, calmly think about my response, and then respond in love. Is what he doing harmful to him, me, Ava, Talulah (the cat), or anyone else? Is what he doing against the Lord? Is it just irritating to me, therefore causing me to try to control him, but in actuality his actions are not bad in any way? Usually it was the last answer. What I realized is I am an easily irritated person by those closest to me and that is what I have been and continue to pray about. People are who God made them to be and I need to learn to love them where they're at. God loves me even though I sin, get irritated, and do many, many other things that He doesn't like. I am asking God to give me His eyes. I love the lyrics from the song "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath.
"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your love for the brokenhearted
For those who are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see."
Those words alone are eye opening! I want to see what you see Lord. You don't see a whinny child, you see one who needs love and attention and nurturing to become a disciple for You. You don't see a lazy husband, you see someone who works hard to provide and is tired at the end of the day. You see people who need love, they shouldn't be pushed to the side, they shouldn't be ignored, they shouldn't be yelled at. They should be loved and appreciated. I want my family to see me as a comforting, patient, loving wife and mama, not a harsh, quick to speak, yelling, crazy person. My scripture for meditation today is Ephesians 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Someone please tattoo that on my forehead because that is one I never want to forget. Peace, love and patience to you as you read this. May God bless you today :-)
Caitlyn, I often find myself being easily irriated with my family most of the time. I find myself getting irritated at my sister when I know in my mind that she has done nothing to irritate me. It is then when the Lord humbles me just as he humbled you with your Tucker. Thank you for sharing and encouraging me to continue to be humble, gently, patient, and loving.
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