Fruit Produced

This journey has been so personal to me, so much of an inner thing, that I never considered that the outside is part of the transformation also. That was until I read Matthew 7:20. "Yes, the way to identify a tree or a person is by the kind of fruit that is produced." So, although I am doing this for no one other than the Lord, I am identified by the fruit I produce. Well, I am glad no one could see me in the comfort of my own home yelling at my children and nagging my husband several months ago. If they had seen that hideous display, they probably would have said, "That woman is definitely NOT a Christian!" Actions speak louder than words, right? Why did it take me so long to put two and two together? If I have Jesus in my heart and accept Him as my Lord and Savior, then my actions need to match. Just as Galatians 5:25 says, "If we are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of our lives." I know that the Lord is not leading me to bother my husband and frustrate my children, He specifically tells me NOT to do that in His Book. So why am I doing these horrible things? Because I am listening to MY leading, MY flesh, MY pride. I don't want to be ignored. I don't want to have more work to do. I don't want to constantly have to remind someone to do something. But that is my calling. God gave me this husband, these children. I am the specific wife meant for my husband. And I am the exact mother God meant for my precious babies. So I need to stop focusing on the negative things they do, and start focusing on how I can work with their imperfections (because lets face it, we all have imperfections, especially me!) I need to follow Jesus' leading and be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."(James 1:19). That right there would pretty much solve ALL my problems. And if that doesn't solve a problem, I have my handy dandy Instruction Manual for Life (aka God's Word) to answer any of my questions. So although this is between me and the Lord, I want to be identified by my fruit in a way that glorifies the Lord, not makes me look like a hypocrite Christian. I will be meditating on Matthew 7:20 and James 1:19 today, hopefully they spoke to you as well.
Have a blessed day :-)
*P.S.- I know I capitalized A LOT of words in this, I am just so on FIRE about this!!!

Focus On These Things

I am a little sleepy this morning. God decided to teach me a lesson at about midnight last night. Rightfully so, I needed it.
 Jimmy and I got in a little tiff last night and he decided to go to bed angry. I was mad, so instead of doing my normal Bible reading, I decided to do the complete opposite and watch a documentary about Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. You should know I have this fascination with the human condition, especially addiction and I like to study it watching Intervention and documentaries about drug use, anorexia, etc. (I know its weird.) So as I sat and watched the film, I knew I shouldn't be watching it. It was giving me the creeps. But being defiant I kept watching it and fell asleep with it on. I woke up to my son crawling out of his room complaining of his legs hurting. I felt terror, like I was being attacked. I was afraid, it was disturbing to me for some reason. I am having a hard time accurately describing how I felt, because I have never had this feeling before.. I laid down with him and prayed for the Lord to take away this feeling, the fear was mounting and I felt as though something terrible was going to happen. I repeated the verses I knew on fear. I begged the Lord to protect my mind. I wondered why was this happening. And then I knew...I shouldn't be watching things like this anymore. I told the Lord I would stop watching things that have to do with drugs, death, etd. I prayed myself to sleep after feeling terrorized.
 In the morning, I dove into my favorite Book. I looked up some verses on fear. "I prayed to the Lord and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces." Psalms 34:4-5. I knew that God would rescue me from this fear, and He did. I now needed to find out how to keep my end of the bargain. I was called to Philippians 4. "Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sister, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me-everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. v.4-9" I couldn't ask for a better example! This refers to 4 of the fruits of the Spirit, and the other 5 could be encompassed in this as well. "Fix your thoughts..." This phrase is what spoke to me the most. Why am I so fixated on watching people inflicting pain on themselves, suffering, and being disobedient to the Lord? The Lord blessed me to not have any addictions or experiences with drugs, so it is kind of disrespectful to be so interested in it, to the point that I choose to watch it rather than reading my Bible sometimes. I need to focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise! That would be things of the Lord. I am not saying all television is bad, but if I am making the choice to spend time watching something I need to ask myself 2 questions. (1) Do I feel like I spent good, quality time with the Lord today? And (2) is what I am watching acceptable for what I believe and respectful to my God? Garbage in, garbage out, right? I want to focus more on putting the right stuff in my mind, it makes a huge difference.
Although last night was very scary, I am glad I went through it. Because now I shut something out of my life that I had been needing to do for awhile now. So my inspiration today is Philippians 4:4-9. And my question to you is, what do you need to get out of your life so you can focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise? I'd love to know so I can pray for you in that process. God bless.

Peace...It's So Surreal

When you become a Christian, you start the process of changing who you are and how you respond to life. For some it is an instant change in every area and for others it is a more gradual change in different departments of our lives. However you end up doing it, you probably still remember how you were before. Have you ever had the thought, "The old me would have done...(fill in the blank)...in this situation." I still have it all the time. As you all know, my most recent change has come in the housekeeping department. It is not the most spiritual thing in the world, but it is something that had to happen. I have always struggled with being a tidy person, and after being frustrated all the time I finally asked Someone to help me with this area. I asked for God to give me a better attitude about cleaning, extra energy to use on keeping up the house, and a tireless spirit. So imagine my surprise when this actually happened! (I don't know why I am always so astonished when God gives me the desires of my heart-Psalms 37:4 :-) It is the most surreal feeling. In my mind I think, "I normally would be tired right now....I normally would be sitting down wasting time right now...I normally would walk by those toys on the floor and now I am picking them up." It's like someone else is controlling my brain but I am okay with it. That sounds kind of weird, but it's like having a different mind, or being a different person, but yet still me. Okay, I am having a hard time describing it, probably because it is so amazing/weird/awesome! And this isn't the first time it has happened to me. The first time it happened, I had rededicated my life to the Lord. I was trying to do everything he wanted me to do. But I had something I was holding on to, something I just ignored. My relationship with my mother-in-law was not doing well (and that is a huge understatement!). It was wearing on my marriage, my emotions, and my relationship with the Lord. I did not want to give this up, but God broke me down and I humbly gave that relationship over to Him. From that point on, I had this strange calm disposition when it came to her. Things that I would have blown up about in the past, I let roll off my back. And I remember thinking, "I should be getting mad right now...but I'm not. Weird." It was such a freeing feeling! This peace that came from trusting the Lord and asking for a life change, it was surreal and marvelous! Peace that passes understanding. I now know exactly what this means! I couldn't completely understand it. I could only know that God did it, and He did it for me. Now my relationship with my mother-in-law is great! It's not perfect (because nobody is) but it is very enjoyable. And she is very proud of my for how far I have come in my cleaning ;-)
My inspiration for today is Phillipians 4:7 "And the peace of God, that passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds on Christ." Also inspiring, the song "Joy Down in My Heart." Do you remember that one? In particular the section that says, "I have the peace that passes understanding down in my heart, where! Down in my heart, where! Down in my heart. I have the peace that passes understanding down in my heart, where! Down in my heart to stay!" It's one of the Balderas Family Fav's.
Have you experienced this feeling, or am I the only one? I would love to hear your experience (so I know I'm not crazy ;-) Peace and Love...

Stalling and Other Things

God taught me a funny lesson in faithfulness this week. This whole thing started Thursday before last when I started a new book about putting God in the center of your home and cleaning. I was super excited to start this book! I have been making some strides in the housekeeping department (if I don't say so myself ;-) and I knew that the only way I was going to get completely to where I wanted to be was by asking God to be the main part of this endeavor, front and center. So I came across this book and dove in. I was reading and doing all the things it asked me to until I got to the part about the prayer walking. It asked you to prayer walk around your house and pray over each room, thank the Lord for who He is and the blessings He has given you, and ask for His guidance in this room for cleaning and organizing. I was super stoked because I had been wanting to do this anyway! But it recommended that I wait until it was quiet, until a time I would not be interrupted. So, I decided to wait until after the kids went to sleep...and then I was tired. So I was ready to do it the next night...and then I was busy....and then I was watching Arrested Development...and then I was blogging. Basically, I stalled and was not doing something that was recommended to me, and something I felt in my heart God was calling me to do. So fast forward to this Thursday at Moms of the Movement where the lovely Katie McGinty spoke about God breathed scripture and what it is useful for. One of her points was that you shouldn't be waiting to turn to the Lord after trying everything on your own first, and failing. It should be your first thought, an immediate response to turn to the Lord and His word. So, even that powerful word was not enough to remind me to do the prayer walk. So God gave me another reminder. He used something that I devoted way too much of my attention to. That morning I had put my phone down and could not for the life of me remember the last place I used it, what time I used it, or where it might be. So I searched all day for my phone, which is more of my lifeline than it should be. I repeatedly asked Tucker where he put it (you should know that he has hidden many phones in his time. Including, but not limited to in the trash, in the freezer, in the refrigerator, in his room, and many, many more!). He swore up and down he did not hide it. When Jimmy got home, he looked for it for 2 hours. We turned off every light in the house and were silent to try to hear the phone vibrate or see it light up. Nothing worked. We headed off to Life Group and had a fabulous time as always, and then started the search again. Cars, trash, drawers, you name it, we searched it. And then I came across my God-in-your-house-cleaning book. The moment I saw it I realized what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to be faithful to Him. To depend on Him for knowledge. To care more about searching for Him than about searching for the phone. I stopped Jimmy and we walked through our home together, praying for every room, thanking God for giving us a home we enjoy being in, for providing for us. Every little perk about the home was highlighted with a spotlight from the Lord. This totally changed the way I looked at our home. It was a wonderful experience! When we were finished, I half expected to turn around and find my phone on the couch. But I didn't. I stayed up studying the book and reading scripture. I went to sleep and woke up in the morning with a desire to search every box in the playroom. So I did. And guess what? Buried in the play clothes, all the way at the bottom was my phone. Face down and muffled between the carpet and a policeman's outfit. I don't know how it got there. I could have thrown it in while picking up. Or a certain 2 foot tall little bandit could have tossed it in. Either way, I know why the Lord wanted this to happen. The Lord wanted my attention, and He got it. My faithfulness is in the Lord, not a phone, not my mind, not anything else.
My inspiration for today is 2 Corinthians 5:7: "We live by faith, not by sight." I can't always see what's going on, see what I am looking for, or see all the facts (whether it be something physical or Spiritual). But I have faith that the Lord will show me whatever it is I need to know/find/believe, it's just a matter of me obeying and following that leading of the Spirit. I urge you to learn from my lesson and turn to Him the first time, not after you try to do everything on your own and it doesn't work. Have a blessed day :-)

Clothe Yourself With...

In the calm of my home this morning I was able to read my Bible in peace. Something (or someone) was calling me to Colosions 3. As I read I couldn't believe how relevant it was to the fruit of the Spirit. Then God reminded me He was the one who sent me there, and of course He would send me to the perfect verse ;-) I went back and read the whole book. It is a great message on how a Christian should live. My favorite verses were 12 and 14. "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience... And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." This gave me a word picture of waking daily and dressing myself, an actual putting on, in the fruits of the Spirit. Kindness is a sleeve, compassion a pant leg, humility, gentleness, and patience are all other sections of an outfit. And they are all sewn together with the common thread which is love. I love this picture! Another thing, you wouldn't walk out of the house naked, would you? (Hopefully most of you are saying no at this point ;-)You would be unprotected from the elements, not to mention inappropriate. Think of the fruits of the Spirit as the same. You want to protect yourself from the elements of the world, and it would be quite inappropriate to call yourself a disciple of the Lord without giving yourself the outward sign or garments of the Lord's child, figuratively saying-the fruits of the Spirit. But always remember, the fruits of the Spirit aren't things that will just show up in your life without focus on the Lord and living out His ways. You have to wake up in the morning and "put on" these qualities and fight the world all day from trying to take these things off of you. You can do it, you just need the guidance of the Lord through His word and prayer.
 So even though it is not first thing in the morning, decide to change your figurative outfit and put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You will look much nicer for it ;-)

Blast From the Past

I am not very good at journaling. I write faithfully for a few days, and then I go a month (usually much longer.) This is why I started this blog, so I could have a record of my journey and feel a sense of accountability to anyone who reads. A couple nights ago I was flipping through an old journal and came across my first official writing on the fruits of the Spirit. I feel it is necessary to add it to this record of change in my life.
"January 15, 2010-Lord, I feel called to Galatians 5:22-26. I feel like you want to produce some fruit in my life from these verses. As i read the words GENTLENESS and PATIENCE jump out at me. I don't feel like a very gentle, patient person most days. The moment I read those verses I knew you had an amazing journey for me. I look forward to working towards a more Christlike me. Time management can be hard for me, so I pray you remind me and I listen. After not reading your word daily for awhile, now when I pick it up and read it feels like I have been holding my breath for a long time and am now beginning to breath. Sorry I wasn't faithful in my reading (heart<3) You are the most important thing in my life and I need to show that with faithful reading.
The verse 1 Thessalonians 2:7 speaks volumes to me. "As apostles of Christ we had a right to make some demands on you, but instead we were like children among you. Or we were like mother's feeding and caring for our young children. We loved you so much that we shared with you not only God's good news but our own lives too."

This is crazy to me, because I completely forgot about this writing. And now that I read it, I get goosebumps. I don't know exactly what I meant by "1 Thessalonians speaks volumes to me...", but now I see something amazing. "We loved you so much that we shared with you not only God's good news but our own lives too." This, to me, is why I write this blog. Because I love my friends and family (and even those readers I don't know) and I want to share with you in hopes that anything I write gives you motivation to become more like Jesus. This is my way of sharing my life with you. And I want you to know, I want you to share your life with me too. If you read this and it speaks to you, please share! Message, email, text, comment, whatever! I want to know you too.
Thank you Lord for inspiring me to write, and keep me committed. <3

Joy or Happiness?

Joy is a fruit that ducks in and out of my life. I feel joy when I see my children being kind to each other. I feel joy when my husband surprises me with flowers. I even feel joy when I hear my favorite worship song on the radio. But I loose my joy...when I loose my cool. When I feel like I am owed something. When my cat knocks over a cup of water on the table, chair and floor I just cleaned (that actually just happened. God you are a funny one!) This is not true joy. "Joy is an inner disposition not based on external circumstances and therefore not subject to change. Happiness is a temporary condition based on our circumstances." The Good and Beautiful Life --James Bryan Smith. Okay, inner not outer. So no matter what life throws at me, I am going to choose to maintain my joy. I used to feel like everything that happened in my life justified my reaction (and often overreaction). That I was just a slave to my emotions and I was just recoiling to whatever would happen to bother me, thus justifying my wallowing in self-pity, pride, selfishness and the like. Now the scales have been removed from my eyes and I see that I choose my response. I choose to stay joyful. I choose to be Spirit-filled. I choose to have a tight relationship with the Lord, therefore accepting that He uses all things for the good of those who love Him. I don't get to choose what happens in my life all the time. But I get to choose my reaction every time (if I am self-controlled enough to do so.)
 So that's what I am working on. Baby throws up all over me, what's my reaction? Loose out on my precious joy? Or laugh it off and get on with life. Life is too short to choose to be upset. Choose joy and your life will start to look different. My inspiration for today is 1 Peter 1:8 "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy." Inexpressible and glorious joy. I want my life to look like that!!!(I can't put enough exclamation points on that one!!!)
It's all in the eye of the beholder, how does your life look?

A Good and Beautiful Life

Do you feel that you have a beautiful life? Honestly. Do you think that the life you have is good? There are definitely times that I question this, but when I sit down and really think about it, yes, I do have a good and beautiful life. And this is what my thoughts are on today.
 Some people may not feel they have a good and beautiful life. And my question is, why not? What is the thing that is causing you to miss out on this good life? Now, trace it back to the sin that it came from. Unless you are in denial, your mind probably went straight to what that sin was. For me, part of my life that is not sparkly and beautiful is my relationship with my in-laws. It has come a long way, but it is not perfect. What can that be traced back to? Pride. Thinking I know better. Selfishness. Not willing to try to understand them and their culture. Jealousy. That my husband would care for them more than he would care for me. So the question is, why am (or was I) I holding on to these things? Are these things benefiting me in any way? No. Are they furthering my walk with the Lord? Definitely not. Shining His light to those around me. No way. God does not want me to live a life holding on to fleshly desires and sins. He wants me to live a good and beautiful life full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. He wants me to get rid of the flesh and bring in the Spirit. When I first encountered this idea I thought I was losing something. Part of who I was, being straight forward (aka bitchy), not letting anyone walk all over me (prideful), etc. But now I have realized I am only missing out on the bad things, not anything good. I recently read a book that put it perfectly into words. "The question is not, What will I have to give up to follow Jesus? but rather, What will I never get to experience if I choose not to follow Jesus? The answer is clear: we will forfeit the chance to live a good and beautiful life." The Good and Beautiful Life-James Bryan Smith. By insisting that I don't give up the ugly parts of me, I am forfeiting the beautiful life Jesus wants for me. By not handing over the bad sins of the flesh, I am not allowing the good. A commentary by Dallas Willard on John 10:10 illuminates this even more. "Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in light of God's overriding governance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring." So the definition of goodness, to me, is giving Jesus the bad and living the beautiful life he designed for me. Do you want a beautiful life? I do. So I am going to work on handing over the bad, which is anything that is me and not Him.

A Little Peace Sounds Nice Right About Now...

Peace.  The word itself brings wash of calm feelings over me. Peace itself seems so elusive sometimes. Busy and peace can go together, but they usually don't seem to in my house. I don't feel like I have had a true moment of peace in the last week or two. And who is to blame for this? I would like to say my husband, kids, cats, work, (anyone but myself), but I can't. It's me. I try to shove so much into one day that I don't even have time for peace. Even typing it sounds ridiculous. Peacefulness in the home translates to peaceful attitudes to the family. If I am running my kids ragged, going here, there, and everywhere, nobody is peaceful because everyone is tired of being over committed. This has been weighing on my heart for the last couple of days and I am trying to figure out what to do about it. So, let me go to my instruction manual for life. "Those who love your law have great peace and do not stumble." Psalms 119:165-*-Proverbs 12:20b-"...joy fills the heart of those who plan peace!"-*- "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on You."  Isaiah 26:3. These three verses are so comforting. If I love the law, plan for peace, and fix my thoughts on the Lord, then it's all good! Yes things come up, but the majority of the disruptions in the peace are because of my own poor planning. Proverbs 12:20b in particular speaks to me (although it may be in a different context.) I need to plan for peace. Don't continue shoving more and more into a day I already know is full. That is planning to not have peace. And for the days that are busy and I can't remove anything from them? Love his law and fix my thoughts on Him. If my thoughts are fixed on the Lord, I should be focused on how He would want me to handle busy days and stressful situations. If I love His law, then I should be ready to be loving, kind, patient, good, faithful, joyful, gentle, self-controlled, and....peaceful in all situations. No excuse of busyness will now pass my lips. It is easy to make excuses for unbecoming behavior, but those excuses aren't going to further our walk with the Lord. So no more excuses, I can still choose to be peaceful in a busy life, with help from my BFF Jesus. I am now going to go be *peaceful* with my babies, have a very peaceful and blessed day!

Faithful and True

Faithfulness. This is one of the fruit I just kind of ignored. Not out of avoiding, but out of the feeling of completion. I feel faithful all the time. Every time I read the Bible, pray, appear righteous to those around me, etc. But a general faithfulness not applied to every part of my life is not true faithfulness. The dictionary defines faithfulness as a steady allegiance or affection; loyal; constant.On-again-off-again, periodic, compartmentalized faithfulness is not what this describes. Sometimes we give God part of our life. We say, you can have my home life, but not my work life. You can have my parenting, but not my marriage. You can have everything...except (*fill in the blank.*) This is how my finances got away from me. I was not being faithful with the money God had given me. I stopped asking God if every purchase was necessary and went on a blind spending blitz with a piece of plastic. Now, I am giving Him every part of my life, even the debit card. Thank you for praying for me to have restraint with my spending. I was able to keep my budget this week (for the first time in a long time.) God is faithful. Steady. Loyal. Constant. These define the way our God cares for us, we should do the same. If we are not faithful, does this mean God is not faithful? No! Romans 3:3-4a says "What if some do not have faith? Will this nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all!" But our faith allows God to bless us even more. What area of your life are you not being faithful in? Hand it over to God. Have faith that He can do a better job than we can because of His awesome power and love for us. Have a blessed day :-)

Did You Know...

Ahhh, to sit down. After a long day at work and some quality time with my kids, I finally get to sit down in silence. After a very busy (and very fun!) weekend, I get to write. My topic today was actually brought up from this Sunday's sermon, from the amazing Jeremy McGinty @ the Movement. The part of the sermon that hit me the most was his summary of Romans 6:5-10. It said, "You know what the greatest thing about the cross of Christ is? The cross of Christ has broken the power of sin!" This constantly amazes me. Sin is nothing, so why does it have such a hold on us? We need to take this power God has given us over sin and put it into use. I have heard this passage several times over the last year or so, which has led me to the motto "Just Do It." You may have heard this before from a little known athletic company, but it means the same thing. Do you want to have a different life through Jesus Christ? Just do it. Do you want to change the things (i.e sin) in you that you don't want anymore. Just do it! Do you want to be better mom, wife, daughter, sister, Christian, leader, insert-your-word-hear? Then, JUST DO IT. What is stopping you? It's not sin, because as Paul says in Romans, "For since we know since Christ has been raised from the dead, He cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him...in the same way count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Jesus Christ." What are you afraid of? That you can't do it. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. No excuses. Just do it. Pick your hardest thing to do, and decide to do it. Whatever excuses you've made, throw them out. Excuses are stopping you from being the person God made you to be. Obviously if God is putting something on your heart right now, it's for a reason. What's my hardest thing to do? Bite my tongue and be a submissive wife. What's my excuse? That's just how I am and it doesn't bother my husband that much. Wrong! It is not how God made me to be. See Ephesians 5:21-30. It doesn't bother him much? Of course it does. Proverbs 27:15, "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day." Enough said.
 So I shared my difficult thing, what's yours? Whatever it is...just do it.
 (Please don't sue me Nike ;-)