Self Control-The Elusive Fruit

Busy, busy, busy! I haven't had one minute to sit down in write in the last few days. I have been working on the fruit even when I am not writing, but I have noticed that because I am not dedicating the focused time to this journey, it is almost as though the fruits are starting to wear off. The longer I go without writing, the easier it is to slip back to the familiar place I was in before. I realized this last night when I started snapping at my husband, then realized it had been so long since I sat down and focused. So, as always, I am trying to stick to my goal of writing daily. As I have said before, busy is not an excuse. If I have time to watch a show, I have time to write. If I have time to read, I have time to write. It's just a matter of priorities.
Self control has so many different areas in comes in contact with. Controlling our emotions, controlling our words, controlling our outward behavior. This week the most evident ways I need to control myself are the following: words and spending.
My words convey the most to those around me. If I am spewing nasty words, I don't look like a very good disciple of Jesus. If I am nagging my husband, I don't look like a very submissive wife. It doesn't matter what you are thinking and feeling on the inside if the outside is a volcano of ugly words. Self control is so hard for me because I think I have the right to say exactly what I am feeling, i.e. no filter. If you make me angry, your going to hear it (at least if your my husband ;-). So I am working on the inside so the outside doesn't get so yucky. If I am better at controlling my emotions on the inside, the words I bring out will be kinder. I also must realize every thought does not have to be verbalized, i.e. put a filter on that mouth. The only words that should come out my mouth should be edifying to those around me. My focus for this is based on Ephesians 4:29-"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace for the hearers." I am going to mediate on that one for awhile.
Some issues are matters of internal or personal interaction. Some issues appear to be external, but everything has an impact on you and those around you. This is how my issue with spending is. Although it is so easy to separate this as money thing, something not so personal, it is completely personal! It affects my relationship with the Lord, because He gave me this money to be a steward of. And it affects my relationship with my family, because it can put a strain on family resources. So, a little history on the subject. I like spending money. I always have. It got out of control when we were first married and we (meaning I) got in debt. We were saved by God's grace when we began Crown Financial. This set us on the road to God's success, we knew how God wanted us to spend and save our money. We got out of debt. Then we got back in debt after having the second baby, spending our savings, and then getting a big tax bill. So that's where we are now. In a relatively small amount of debt, but still in debt. We have a plan, but in order for it to work I have to be very dedicated to it, and I have not been. So this week I started a new step for this plan. I withdrew the cash for the non-bill spending for the week (groceries, gas, entertainment, misc.) and divided it into envelopes. I will only use this money to buy what I need this week. This will force me to stay in my budget. Please pray for me to stick to this, because it will be hard! But I know that if I am faithful, He will be faithful. "So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food, drink or clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food up, Your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to Him then they are...Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern." Matthew 6:25-26,32-33. One of my favorite passages and our family verse.
If you have any questions about budgets, envelope spending, how the Lord wants you to spend your money, or if you have been feeling like you need to change what you are doing financially, please contact me and I will do my best to let you know I have learned or direct you to someone who can help you. God bless and control yourself!

From The Inside Out, or The Outside In?

This morning I had the pleasure of waking before my children (an occurrence that is starting to happen quite frequently, thank you Lord!). I was able to start my day in the best way possible, reading the Word without interruption. As I played Bible roulette, I flipped through and saw some interesting commentaries. After reading through these, they led me to Romans 8. The struggle of flesh vs. Spirit is so familiar, yet convicting. My favorite verses are verse 5 and 9. Verse 5 says, "Those who are dominated by the sinful nature, think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Holy Spirit." So, when I was focused on myself, I was focused on the sin of selfishness. Even if I was doing all the right things on the outside, the inside was not focused on pleasing the Spirit. Sure, there were times I would be focused on the Spirit. But many times I would be bitter, angry, selfish. And for what? Really, nothing. The true conviction of this verse for me? If your mind is dominated by sin, it doesn't matter what you are doing on the outside. Verse 9 gives us guidance and hope. "But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit, if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember, those of you who don't have the Spirit of Christ living in you are not Christians at all.)" So, if you have the Spirit of God living in you, you will allow the Spirit to control you. This is not some kind of mind control robot thing. It is a freedom from the bondage of sin. This control by the Spirit is what produces the fruits of the Spirit. Say no to the flesh, say yes to Christ's leading. "For all who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God." Romans 8:14. Let the Spirit lead you so you can produce the fruit He designed for you. Don't let the outside appearance fool you. It might look great, but if the inside leading doesn't match, it is all for nothing. I know this outside appearance was like blinders for me. I did what the Lord wanted me to do outwardly, but my thoughts were often selfish and focused on sin. I am focused on allowing the Spirit to lead me now, and I want the inside and outside to match. I want all the dedication to the things of God outwardly, to match the thoughts and feelings inwardly. Thank you Lord for shedding light on this subject for me! I'm actually not even sure how I got to this place from these verses, but hopefully it makes sense to someone out there...

A Fruit Filled Day

Yesterday was quite a busy day. Busy usually equals crazy, but yesterday was not crazy. I actually felt like I exhibited or was surrounded by every fruit yesterday. The morning started out with sleeping in which was very PEACEFUL, then having my KIND husband make my a very yummy breakfast. After that, I took Ava to pick up Tucker from a sleepover with his Aunti. I showed him some LOVE after being away from him and missing his cute little face :-) We left there and went to Target, where the Lord blessed me with SELF-CONTROL while shopping. I was able to get out of there without buying anything unnecessary. We went home to rest for a little while, which is when is when I got to exercise my PATIENCE with a crying, screaming, tantrum throwing 4 year old who shall remain nameless ;-) I was able to be GENTLE while disciplining, but boy was it hard. Definitely not my favorite thing in the world to do. After getting everyone ready with perfectly groomed hair, coordinating outfits, accessories, and the full shebang, we loaded up to go get our portraits done at the park with our Life Group. After having some amazing shots with our favorite photographer, our Life Group decided to bring some GOODNESS to the local homeless population in Escondido. We were able to buy them some nice hot pizza, water bottles, and care packages. This really helped open mine and Jimmy's eyes, but also Tucker's, to the blessings that God has given us and the duty we have to help those less fortunate. Romans 12:13 says, "Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." This is what we wanted to do, and we had a good time interacting and praying with the very nice people of Grape Day Park. After this, we went to my in laws house and had some awesome fellowship with great food and UFC fights (you might be thinking this is weird, but that's just how we roll :-). The entire day strengthened my FAITH and brought me great JOY. My husband said it best the next morning, "That was one of those days that I would like to live over again." I couldn't agree more. I have to admit, I did have times I was very close to losing my temper. But the Spirit is an awesome thing. When you are about to lose it, you take a deep breath, say a prayer, and things seem to go smoothly. Did you have a fruit filled day? I hope so! Here is to many more like it...

A Little Glimpse Into My Day...

Today has been a good day. The morning went smoothly, thanks to prayer over my children before they woke up. Tucker comes in and sleeps with me after Jimmy goes to work. As he lay there sleeping peacefully, I prayed over his heart, mind, attitude and future. I realized I should be doing this daily over both kids to protect their minds and spirits. My goal wasn't an obedient robot child, but it did have some nice results. We got Tucker off to school and Ava and I ran some errands with a friend. We then picked Tucker up and had some lunch and ice cream after school with one of his buddies. This was our scheduled fun. As dorky as it sounds, I have actually put "fun" on the schedule to ensure it gets in there. I believe we have fun everyday, but I want to make sure having fun with my kids doesn't get overrun by cleaning, cooking, volunteering, work, etc. that goes with the daily grind. So Friday's after school is now fun time. We then came home, did chores, and has some more (unscheduled) fun with our new found favorite game: obstacle course. I set up several tasks (running laps around the bar, riding the horse toy back and forth, thinking games such as stacking the rings in correct order, anything that gets out energy and requires mind skills) and time Tucker to see how long it takes him to do it. He often wants to do it over and over to improve his score. Although there were many things jammed in this day, it has been very peaceful. 2 Peter 1:2 is what I attribute this peace to, "May God bless you with His special favor and wonderful peace as you come to know Jesus, our God and Lord, better and better." The peace in my home is not from me, it is from the Lord. I am not anywhere close to being done with this journey, but I am coming to know Jesus better and better, and this is bringing peace to my home. Thank you Lord for peace! It is SOOO much nicer than strife. Just in case you were wondering what we did today, now you know! How was your day? I would love to hear about it!

And The Word of the Day Is...

Patience. The Lord is growing me in so many ways right now and today all signs point to patience. Literally, as I am writing this my son spilled a full glass of chocolate milk all over the table and floor, and I realized I was out of paper towels. Please Lord, I need patience! From marriage, to parenting, to leadership, to work, all facets of my life require patience. I worked yesterday and realized that I have the ability to be very patient. I am patient with my...patients. I am patient with my coworkers. So why does it change when I come home? I feel the need to be kind, patient, etc. with strangers, but they mean nothing to me. My family means everything to me, shouldn't I show them the traits I show to strangers? The answer is yes. So how am I going to put it into practice? Last night the Lord should me some interesting things. We started day one of "The Love Dare" and, wouldn't you know it, the topic is "Love is Patient." Some quotes I liked from the book are the following:
"Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes."
"Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient (*remember we are choosing this*), you respind in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper...Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm."
"...patience stops problems in their tracks. It is more than biting your lip, more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath. It clears the air. It stops foolishness from whipping its scorpion tail all over the room. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you."
"As sure as a lack of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will foster peace and quiet."
"Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time then they deserve to correct it."
These quotes are so real and inspiring. I will be putting in my full effort to being patient. My verse for meditation today will be Proverbs 15:18 "A hot tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute." With all of the fruits of the Spirit being intertwined, being off on one negatively affects the others. So with patience, comes many beautiful things, and I want to see them alive in my home.

What Do You Need on a Rainy Day?

Patience, that's what. All I can say is my So Cal babies can't stand not leaving the house all day. Baby girl is so fussy and has been attached to my hip all day. Big boy is throwing fits and wasting time. When I write that it sounds silly, because I guess we have time to spare, its just frustrating to ask him to do things and for it to take 3 hours. So, that's where my patience comes in. "Love is patient..." Well, I love my children, so I must be patient. Even when Ava doesn't go down for her nap...three times in a row. And when Tucker decides to take 45 minutes to eat a sandwich (not exaggerating on either one, wish I was.) I still have to choose to be patient. Not to mention that I have a great example of patience in the Lord. For the many years I did not obey him, and the more recent times I still slip up (like today for example), He still patiently waits for my plea for forgiveness. If my job as a parent is to show my children God's love, a very important part of this is patience. And another thing I am learning is that we have to choose our behavior and feelings. Am I choosing to be an angry, bratty, bitter, vengeful person? Or, am I choosing to be a loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, and self-controlled person? I think I'll choose the latter...how about you? Who are you choosing to be today?
 So, on this rainy day I am choosing to be patient.

I Have the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down in My Heart....

Sitting in the church yesterday, I was struck by a sense of joy. I was enjoying the sermon, the atmosphere, the worship. In the recognition of the feeling of joy, I realized that I do not always have this feeling. Yes, I am very content with my life, I don't think I would change a single detail. But for some reason, I am not full of joy all the time. As I started to consider why this was, the Lord gently shared with me, "It's because you are not choosing to be filled with joy." Oh, okay Lord, I like when you make it nice and simple ;-) I need to choose joy in all situations. Sometimes it is easy for me to think about the circumstances I am in and wallow or pity myself. If I've had a hard day with the kids, I may think I am justified in being snippy or in thinking that I deserve an easier life, but I am not. I need to focus on the blessings in my life. I am so blessed to be a stay-at-home-mom (for the most part). My husband is a great husband to me and dad to my kids. My family and friends are loving and supportive. I belong to the coolest church on the planet. But even if none of these things were true, Jesus Christ, son of God, Savior of the world, came to this earth to die for me. Me! And not to mention that God and I are BFF's. These things alone are enough to bring me everlasting and complete joy! So, my goal for today is to find joy in all circumstances and CHOOSE joy over any other feeling. Justification and "I deserve..." are going to be stumbling blocks in the way of your joy. The devil is always standing by trying to steal your joy, don't let him! Put your focus on the Lord and what He has done for you. Show your joy to the world as a light that cannot be extinguished. My two verses for today are Philippians 4:4-"Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-rejoice!" and 1 Peter 1:8-"You love Him even though you have never seen Him. Though you do not see Him, you trust Him; and even now you are happy with a glorious, inexpressible joy." I have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart...