Hard--->Tenderhearted

Some days I have a hard time understanding why God wants me to homeschool Tucker. As we speak he is (supposed to be) working on an independent assignment. It's his least favorite: handwriting. He is just not a fine motor skills kind of guy. He stops every word or two and reminds me how much he dislikes it. It's pure joy for me...not. Sometimes being mom and teacher is not fun. But I know God told me to do this. And I know that Tucker is not the only one learning new things. God is using these scriptures to remind me that He is refining me everyday.
Colossians 3:12b-13- "... you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."
Not only are three out of five virtues fruits of the Spirit, but all five are extremely necessary for the season of life God has put in me in right now. On any given day of homeschooling, I break, pretty much, every single command. Gentleness has always been one of the hardest fruits for me. I am just not a gentle person, apparently. But God is. And I am striving to be like Him. He can teach me how to adopt that personality trait, just like He adopted me-permanently. Tenderhearted mercy! Yet another hard one for me. Why am I so hard??? I have been ruling my roost with an iron fist, running my classroom like a dictator. Tenderhearted. The word alone almost makes me want to cry since it is so far from my heart. It makes me remember when my kids were babies (before they could talk back to me) and how tenderly I held them to my heart, I never wanted to let them go. Lord, please help me to go back to that heart. They are still my babies no matter how big they are. Kindness, humility, patience. All things I lack. But thank God, my Father in Heaven, has these qualities woven into His word to teach me how to treat my children. And verse 13, "Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." As immature as it is to admit it, I take ridiculous offense to Tucker disobeying me. Like scary offense. I so easily forget all of the times I have disobeyed the Lord and He has forgiven me. And I have the audacity to not extend the same compassion, humility, and  tenderhearted mercy to them who have such less offense. Oh, I am so convicted right now. God is working so beautifully in my life, I cannot waste time feeling guilt or condemnation when I see the glorious forgiveness I have received and can then turn around and extend it to others. I am so amped on the Holy Spirit right now. Imagine me doing a whooping yell and a happy dance right now :) :) :) Lord, You are SO GOOD!!! Please let me take this Word into my heart like the blood that runs through it, so deeply I cannot live without it. Change my heart from stone to a soft, comfy, cozy place that my family wants to be. Help me to be tenderhearted, gentle, patient, kind, and humble to, not only my children, but everyone I come in contact with in this dark world. Your Word is the air I breathe, I can't live without it. Amen <3

He Chose (me)

In the midst of the busyness of Thanksgiving weekend-cooking, cleaning, shopping- God reminded me that everything I have to be thankful is from Him, and that even blessings can get in the way of worshiping and pursuing our True Love. So, as I write this I am sitting at my computer in the dining room, which is half way taken apart to be deep cleaned and put back together, to sit and worship my True Love. I literally dropped my cleaning rag in the middle of cleaning and grabbed my Bible to study, and God called me back to the Scripture I started writing about a few days ago, Colossians 3:12-17.

Starting from the beginning  verse 12 says, "Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves..." Hold up. I can't get past that, let me say that again. "Since God chose (me) to be the holy people He loves..." 

me. Little old me. Someone who has a hard heart, who chose other things above Him, who questions His wisdom. Someone He knew would do these things, yet He sent His Son anyway. He chose me. He chose me (and you) to be the holy people He loves. Pardon me repeating myself, but, He LOVES us! Unbelievable. And it doesn't matter who you are, what you have done, what you are going to do, or any other thing in this world. He loves you more then anyone in this world ever could (even more than your mom ;-). There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more, and there is nothing you can ever do to make Him love you less. There is nothing as guaranteed as this. Although I know this, it still strikes me as amazing, the greatest gift anyone could ever receive. 

So...I am going to take a little while to meditate, marinate, ruminate on this promise and let it soak in to brain and heart properly. Once that is completed, I will move on to verse 12 part b, since I can't even get past part a! God is good friends, and He LOVES YOU!!!

Chosen One's

It's been awhile... With busyness that having three children brings, I have not been blogging very much. And even more, I haven't felt the Lord put on my heart anything to say. So imagine my surprise this morning when the Lord did lead me to write and all of my children just *happen* to be still asleep. I am excited to see what the Lord has to say to me today :)
Last night I caught a glimpse of a Scripture someone posted on Facebook, Colossians 3:12-17. It is a familiar passage, if only its Words would stick to my mind like the dried oatmeal stuck to my kitchen table (which you moms may know, is like cement!) So, I asked God to remind me to read it in the morning to start my day off with a prepared mind and heart. This morning, this is what I read: "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colossians 3:12-17 ESV) I just LOVE how perfect, relevant, and true God's Word is every single time.
Let me preface this a little bit. In the time I have not been blogging, I have struggling with anger in my parenting. Big time. I am ashamed to say it, but I have to confess it so that I can repent of it and allow God to change my heart. I love my children and know that being a parent is a huge responsibility. God is giving me the privilege of having the largest influence they will ever experience. He chose me, a sinner and flawed human being, to raise other mini human beings. I am the "chosen one" for these three babies. I have to treat them as something special, something to be cherished. They belong to God, not me. I need to steward them with the special care that I would treat someone's most *special* possession. Because they are God's most special possession, every single one of us is. Whoops, got going there a little ;) So, that being said, I am going to *attempt* to do a series of posts on Colossians 3:12-17. No promises on how long it will be between posts, but I feel like God wants me to do this and as long as I keep feeling that way I will continue writing. Meditate on this Scripture and see what God speaks to your heart. I was going to try to start on verse 12 today, but two out of my three children just woke up. One just lost his tooth and one is trying to lay on my face. So, I think God is telling me to save that for next time ;) Have a blessed day!

What A Year

Its summer time! Every time I think that I hear, "Summertime and the livin easy, Bradley's on the microphone with Ras-MG, All the people in the dance will agree that we're well qualified to represent the LBC." Just thought you should know that ;-) Aaaaahhhhhhhh. I have such a sense of peace. Our first year of homeschooling is complete! There were literally times that I thought I wouldn't make it through. But then I would be reminded through friends helpful words or the Lord's whisper, that this is what He wanted for us. It was a hard year, but a good year. I was able to teach my son to read. To READ! That was one of the highlights of my life. To watch his brain work through sounds and letters and put them together and sound words out, truly amazing. I learned so much about myself and about each one of my children. I learned Tucker is a perfectionist (exactly like his mother.) He can have a bad attitude sometimes (exactly like his mother.) He is motivated to finish something by the promise of being told he can play with his sisters. And he is very bright and learns things easily when he is focused. I learned Ava acts tough, but really is my little girl who needs to be held. She learns easily when listening to her brother learn. She cannot go too long without some kind of attention while we are doing school, unless she is playing with her baby dolls. And she LOVES taking care of Sadie. I met Sadie for the first time during this year. I got to know her personality, which first seemed quiet, calm, and sweet and now appears to be more feisty, humorous, and determined. I learned when she gets something, she catches on quickly. And I learned her brother and sister can make her laugh more then anyone. For myself, I learned that whatever God brings me to, He will bring me through. He put it in my heart to home school Tucker from Day 1. He changed Jimmy's heart to want the same thing. He put someone in my Life Group that worked at Coastal Academy. He put it in Tucker's heart to want to leave preschool. He cleared the way to what we were supposed to do for Kindergarten. I learned that when I feel like I can't do something, God will show me how. There were days after I had Sadie that I really wanted to drive by the local elementary school and boot Tucker out of the car. But I didn't. And now I am glad I didn't. Because I would have missed so many wonderful things. I learned that my standards can be too high sometimes, and God had to remind me that he is 5. He is only 5. He is my baby, and I can't push him to grow up to fast, because he can never be that exact age again. {*Okay, now I am crying...sniff sniff!*}

God gave me a perfect message today through my Parenting by Design Daily Devotional on my YouVersion Bible App. It said, "Fleshly desires emerge when we believe a person's value depends on what he does, what he owns, and what others think of him. This is often reflected in the goals and expectations we have for our children. We crave the validation that worldly success brings more than we are willing to admit, and when our kids' actions or appearance fall short, we can become anxious, angry, and disappointed. Kindness flows from knowing who we are in Christ. In Him, we are unconditionally loved and accepted with all our flaws. Grasping this reality gives us the freedom to be content because neither our kids or we have anything to prove." This is exactly what I needed to hear at the end of a year where I was so concerned with making sure he learned everything he needed to know (and more) and prove that I was an excellent teacher for him. He has learned what God wants him to learn and he is developmentally exactly where God wants him to be. I did my best and so did he. And that devotional will help me to relax over the Summer and have the right focus for next year. And to top it all off, guess what Scripture that devotional was based on? Good old Galatians 5:22. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith..."

And to put a beautiful end to a growing year of homeschooling, I will share a verse with you. My son opened up his Bible on his own and read me this verse (by his own choosing) on the way to his last conference of the year. He read,

 "The King is powerful and loves justice. Lord, you made things fair;

you have done what is fair and right for the people of Jacob." Psalm 99:4.

So blessed...

Tucker's First Day of (Home)School

Math Manipulatives

Last Day of School!!!

Chicken Pox and Other Fun Things...

Do you want to hear about my week. I guess if you are reading this, you do ;-) The story begins 2 Wednesday's ago... Ava woke up with a large bump on her forehead that looked like a bug bite. I thought it was weird, thoroughly checked her bedding, found nothing, but decided to wash it anyway. We went about our day, Beth Moore, homeschooling, then Life Group at night. The next morning, Ava woke up covered in bumps. The dreaded chicken pox. I couldn't believe my eyes, looking at my sweet little girl with hundreds of bumps covering her tiny body. After calling everyone she had been around in the few days prior to the outbreak, along with doctors, and prayer warriors, I settled in for 7-14 days of being home. With sick kids. No yard. No leaving. After a few hours of panic/annoyance/fear of the situation, I made a game plan with God on how we would handle this. I wasn't super worried about the actual illness, we all had chicken pox when I was little. I was mostly concerned how I would make it through the week without a)screaming at my kids, b) losing my mind, and/or c) completely undoing all of the work I have done in creating discipline and order in my home. I instantly increased the television consumption amount, because, seriously, all I want to do when I am sick is watch tv, and what else would they do. I also made it my goal to go to Target, Henry's, anywhere, in the evening so I could talk to big people and clear my head. Above all, I asked the Lord to give me patience with my children and the situation in general. As the days passed by, I really felt the Lord gave me a super dose of patience. I was even surprised by how patient I was. I also noticed that without a schedule, without a time to be out the door by, without our normal crazy life, I could spend more time holding, loving, reading,--just being--with them. I also think I know why this happened. At the Life Group I went to right before finding out about the pox, I heard a divine whisper from the Lord. We discussed the loving sacrifice God made by sending His son to the world for our sins. My sins. And for me to waste one day of this life is not being thankful for the sacrifice He made. It's wasting the time He gave me to make a difference in this world. My job at this time is being a wife and a mother. My goal in being a mother is to have an undying passion for the Lord that my children witness, and God willing, choose to have themselves. It is showing them with my life, how to serve, how to love, how to worship, how to be a light to a dying world. Not to preach to them, not to tell them with words, but to show with my life. I left that night with a renewed vision of what God put me on Earth for. And the next day my kids have chicken pox. Buzz kill. Or I should say, attempted buzz kill. Nice try Satan, not going to happen. Although I could not completely go full charge with my plan, I have not, and will not, forget my purpose. I will use my life as an example. And just like any human, I will make mistakes, but even then I can show the Lord's forgiveness and mercy to forgive a sinner like me. I cannot depend on teaching them with my words, I need to show them with The Word walked out. Thank you Lord for the bad times, because even in those you show me beauty and teach me things I could have otherwise never learned. Thank you for renewing the vision You have for my life, the vision what will outlive my life alone, but spread down through future generations. You are a loving and powerful God and I an thankful for the ability to serve you.

Nearsighted Vision

Some of you may have seen on Facebook that I was hoping to write a blog post yesterday. Well, yesterday turned into today. Yesterday...ah yesterday. There are no words for you. And you also kindly spilled into today. Yesterday started out as a beautiful idea God gave me and somehow morphed into utter chaos. I started the day by reading the fruits of the Spirit to the kids and helping them (and myself) choose one to work on. I also introduced a new facet of our discipline process, which is: stopping at the very moment the child(ren) has a hard time choosing to listen and praying for God to help them make the right choice. Sounds like an awesome plan, right? Well, for whatever reason, my two older kids decided that there new favorite pass time is lets-see-how-mad-we-can-make-Mommy-before-she-goes-insane. Tucker literally thinks its a game, Ava just goes along with it and adds her own twist by being blatently disobedient AND extremely confrontational. So, I am thinking...Maybe the idea God gave me (about reading the fruits of the Spirit every morning and praying with the kids at the moment they choose to obey or disobey) is such an awesome idea that the devil literally can't stand it. Yeah, I am going to go with that. As Ephesians 6:12 tells us, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." When the devil sees that I am imprinting on my childrens souls the automatic reaction to pray when unsure of what to do is a direct threat to him in his ability to pursuade them away from God's plan for them. And because of this, it seems as though all hell has broken loose in my house. But now that I can see this for what it is, its easier to handle. We were all spun out, going totally crazy. Now I can refocus on my goal: raising children who have a passion for the Lord. Sometimes I feel so nearsighted regarding the day to day goings on in my life and forget about the further vision that God has for myself and my family. I am so caught up in, "what the h--- is wrong with these kids" I can't see it for what it is. Something far more than just kids acting badly.
Thank you Jesus for sorting out my problems through writing this blog. It is not always easy to sit down and write, but when I do you take my nearsightedness and turn it into long range xray vision that allows me to see into the future and into the things unseen. You are a parent yourself so you know how I feel. I love your comfort and understanding Lord. Thank you :-)

Thank God for This Blog

Let me give you a little insight into my day...
"Guys, don't eat cat food." "You guys, just because I am on the phone doesn't mean you can pull out every dvd box, open the door and go on the porch without permission, and eat cat food (again.)" "Ava don't take your diaper off, especially when it has poop in it." "Tucker, don't tell your sister to eat cat food (yes, for the third time.)" Arrrrrggggghhhhhhh!
On days like this I wonder why I make my life harder than it has to be. Why did I insist on homeschooling? Why do I refuse to put Ava in preschool? Why do I hold my babies so much? Why do I limit my kids television consumption? Oh yeah, because God told me to. As frazled and tired I get, I have the strength to go on because I know I am doing what the Lord wants me to do. And I also have this blog to collect my thoughts from the day. The Lord uses this blog to let me know of any changes I can make to prevent these crazy occurances in the future.
That's all I can write for now, I am about one more cat food eating episode away from being completely fried in the brain
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