I Can't Forget This

I don't know what has come over me today. I am tearing up about everything, every time I look at my kids I can't keep in my joy about who they are and my sadness about how quick they are growing up. And because I know some of you are thinking it, no I am not pregnant.
Maybe it started with attending a family members quinceñera yesterday and seeing her go through the traditions of becoming a woman. And maybe, God took that thought and transformed it to make my heart and mind realize that this time goes by fast. Days become weeks, months become years, and one day I am going to have teenage children, then grown up children. Ok, can't really handle that thought right now, sniff sniff.
I know it is my job, my mission, to grow these sweet babies up to be responsible adults who are passionate about the Lord. And I am excited to see what God's plan is for them. But...sometimes I get caught up in the plan and don't see them for today. And right now, I want to capture my memories of my girl so I never forget how she was when she was 3 years 6 months and 30 days. My sweet Ava girl. God just spoke so much to my Spirit today about this sweet girl and I can't forget what He said, so I have to transcribe it here for all of history. One of my reasons for writing is to reach people through what God puts on my heart. The other is to remember my life the way it happened, without time leaving out any detail. So this post is more for the secondary reason, but I hope it touches your heart anyway.
My Ava. As you may have seen from other blog posts and Facebook statuses, Ava is a mix of sweet and sassy. I had a license plate frame when I was in high school that said, "Half the sugar, twice the spice." Little did I know that would be describing my future daughter. She can be so sassy at times, but the next minute be the most loving, precious little thing. She gives me a run for my money, but she also makes me laugh the most. She says the funniest things and has the most contagious little giggle. And her love for God...it really blows my mind. When Ava was a baby someone I respect very much told me that Ava was going to grow up to do amazing things for God, and I believe it in my heart very much.
She talks about Jesus and God often. Just a few weeks ago on a particularly difficult day, I asked her if Jesus was in her heart. She said no. I asked her if she wanted Jesus in her heart, and she said yes. We talked about what that means and said the sinners prayer-childrens version. I know she is 3, and I know she is little, but she knows it in her heart. She asks me, "if i do this, will it make Jesus happy?" "Would Jesus like it if I do this?" To have faith like a child, I yearn for that simple faith.
She loves to pretend she is a teacher and I am a student. Today she was the Bible study teacher. She pulled out my mom's Bible study book and set up some chairs and called me over. She set up her book and said, "Okay kiddo, tell me something about Jesus," in her best teacher voice. She let me give a short answer, then proceeded to tell me about "worship and praying and singing and praying and more worship. That's for Jesus. Okay now, tell me what I just said." It makes my heart so full to hear her talk about Him. I can't even handle it sometimes. 
She has this understanding, this amazing memory that when you tell her something about God, she remembers. She sings about Him, she talks about Him, she teaches her dolls about Him. I truly cannot wait to see what God is going to do with this passionate, persistent, joyful little person all wrapped up in the cutest little package. That's what gets me through the bittersweet sadness of days gone by.
Something about her heart today just made me realize, I cannot forget this day, I cannot forget her like this. I have to remember, I just have to! Tomorrow is going to come, and the next day, and the next year. But, today I have today. And tomorrow I get to see the beautiful, strong, loving woman that God made her to be. I pray every day that we can have a strong relationship year in and year out and that God gives me the days to see His plan unfold. My sweet Ava Selina. You are going to change the world.

Now the tears are crazy flowing. I can't write anymore. But I will always have today embedded in technological history. I have a little bit of mommy guilt for writing about one of my children and not the others, so I want you to know I love them all equally! (Of course :-) I just pray God will strike me with the same need to chronicle a day for Tucker and Sadie as well, which I think and hope He will.
If this touched you, I have a recommendation for you. Do this for your children. In a journal, on a blog, in an email, even on Facebook if you have to---write down what your child is like right now. Write down all of the things you love about them and what God has spoken into your heart. We think we will always remember these things, but we don't. Take a couple of minutes to do this, you will be happy you did later down the road.

Your Mission: Motherhood

This is the written version of a talk I did today at the Mom’s Group at the Movement Church in San Marcos, Ca (which just happens to be the coolest church ever ;-) I hope it blesses you today.

Good morning! I am sooooo joyful to be here today! When Lacie asked me to speak to you, I was so excited, like sooo excited to talk to you. I was sitting in a MOPs group just like this at the old building almost exactly 5 years ago very eager to see what God wanted to teach me in that season of my life. He used this group to grow me and teach me so much over the time I spent in the group. And I am excited for what He wants you to learn today.

My name is Caitlyn and I have been going to the Movement for just over 5 years now. If you want to know a little about me, I am married to a very wonderful man named Jimmy. We just had our 7 year anniversary in January. I have three children, Tucker is 6, Ava is 3 and Sadie Mae is 1. I am in love with Jesus and love learning about Him, I am a homeschooling mom, I think I can do every single thing on Pintrest, even though I can’t, and I occasionally write on my blog. So that’s me. J

After Lacie asked me to speak here, I asked God what He wanted me to speak to you about. And pretty much immediately, He showed me the scripture that I should talk about. It is Deuteronomy 11:18-21. If you want you can turn there in your Bible or on your phone. It says, "You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,

that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens are above the earth.”

This is also similar to Deuteronomy 6:7-9. So, on the same day I read these verses, my parenting devotional was regarding these verses, (imagine that ;-). It was discussing the Jewish custom of wearing phylacteries. Phylacteries were the Jewish interpretation of this verse, “bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.” These phylacteries were small leather boxes worn on the bicep and the forehead, tied on by leather straps. They had 4 scriptures from the Torah in them, including the one we just read. So they were literally binding the verses to their head and hands. But what would happen with some people, is that if they only took the section on binding to the outside, and didn’t read the beginning of the section which says, “You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and soul,” so then the boxes were worthless. They were just an outer show, and the inner heart was still hard. God gave me a picture of the phylacteries dissolving into the hands and head. It was as if the verses were guiding the hands and the mind. What if every move your hand made was directed by the Word of God. What if every thought was held captive and inspected by the Holy Spirit. This made me think that life would be so much more directed. It would be like the Holy Spirit is directing you on a mission. And whether you realize it or not, you ARE on a mission.

And that’s what I want to talk to you about today. Your mission. I am going to go ahead and venture that because you are sitting here in this room, you are either a mom, a step mom, or a soon to be mom. There are some kind of children in your life that you have an effect on. So part of your mission in life, I am going to go ahead and say, your most important mission right now, is your mission in motherhood. Whether it has been your life long dream to become a mom or you somehow ended up here in a way that wasn’t what you planned, this has always been God’s plan, His mission for your life. When you undertake a mission, you don’t just bumble through it. You don’t just go minute by minute through the mission. You have a goal, you have a plan, and you realize it is important. Without these three things, you cannot have a successful mission.

You start with a goal. All great missions have a goal! Whether your mission is to conquer the world or successfully exit Target without losing one or more children or losing your mind, both of these have a goal. What is your goal? What is your goal for motherhood? Your ultimate goal is to raise little people who have a passion to truly know the Lord, like really know Him, not just know of Him. The more specific goal is dependent on you and your family. I would suggest you take some time and think about 2-3 sentences that describe the kind of people you envision your children being when they grow up. Is loving God and loving His people your thing? Then include that in the list. Are you all about giving all God’s people the grace that He so lovingly gave you? Then put that on the list. Whatever it is that God has put on your heart, put it on the list. Ask Him what your family should look like to bring Him glory, and be open to what He says. Because sometimes it wasn’t exactly what you had in mind. Ask Him what the goal should be.

Once you have your goal, you can form a plan. Now this plan is something that will be ever changing with your child’s age and situation. And this plan looks different to every single person. It is based on your goal and every thing you plan has that end goal in mind. I don’t want to tell anyone what there plan should be, I want God to do that. But I learn so much better when I have examples, so I am going to give you some examples straight from our verses in Deuteronomy.

“You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” This does not say, talk to your children about God on Sunday morning and whenever they are in trouble. It says all. the. time. Morning, Noon, night. Good days and bad days. In joy and in pain. How do you do this? Here are some ideas:

When you wake up in the morning, or should I say woken up usually, say, “Look at the beautiful day God has made!” And if you don’t feel that way, then you fake it till you make it ;-)

When you walk out the door, say, “Look at how hot/cold/sunny/cloudy/rainy/whatever God made it today. Thanks God!” Listen to praise worship in the car and in the house. Talk about all the things God made that you pass by. Pray for your child before you drop them off at school. Pray their mind is protected from the bad influences and soaks in the learning. Pray they are a blessing to everyone around them and that they have an opportunity to talk to their friends about God. Say grace with them over meals and teach them how to say there own. Say prayers with them when they go to bed. Tell them you love that God made you to be there mommy and that there is no one else in the world you would trade places with. Tell them you love them the way God made them. Hug them tight. These are just a few ways to get you started. Ask God the specific ways to talk about Him to your kids.

Another way to reach your kids about God from Deuteronomy is, “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Write scripture on note cards and put them on your doors, walls, and steering wheels. Use a dry erase marker and write verses on your mirrors. Put a note card at eye level on the space right above your sink, since we tend to spend so much time there ;-). The more times you look at these, the more it will draw you to God’s word. The more you are in God’s word the easier it is to carry out His plan, His mission. You will start to memorize the verses from seeing them. You will hide them in your heart. You will say them to your kids. And once your kids learn how to read they will be drawn to them too. I have a first grader who loves reading. Whenever he sees a street sign or an advertisement, he is drawn to it, locked in to reading it. How awesome is it to see Him lock in on scripture and read that. Amazing!

Serve with your kids. One thing God has put on my heart to teach my kids is to serve others, especially the less fortunate. This came out of Matthew 25:34-36, “Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.” Last year I was looking for somewhere to serve with Tucker, who was 5 at the time. My friend from the church I grew up at told me she served the homeless a warm meal in the park every Friday and we were welcome to come. We tried it and have been going back ever since. I usually bring all three kids. I strap one to my back, and the other two stand by me and hand out waters, forks, napkins, and cookies. They have become comfortable with a different kind of people, they get to help others, they see that not everyone has everything they want or need, and they have formed relationships with a few of them. It is great to bless the people, but it is an even better blessing for us, something I hope sticks with my kids forever. This might be something for you, it might not, but find out whatever your thing is, and do it. You will be blessed because of it.

With all of these things being said, I want you to remember one very important thing. There is only one perfect person that walked this planet. And it is not me. And it is not you. So be prepared to make mistakes. It happens. It is how you handle the mistake that makes the difference.

I will never forget a story that I heard right here in this very MOMs group. I can’t even remember the mans name, (I was later told it was Al Menzoni) but he was writing a book about parenting. His children were already grown and he was gathering information to try to help young parents raise their kids. He was using stories from his children’s childhood to illustrate his points. He was planning on including the story of his biggest parenting mistake. When he daughter was younger, probably 8 or 9, he was trying to put her to bed. It had been a long day, he was tired, she was overly tired, and she just wouldn’t go to bed. She said something particularly rude to him and he reached over and slapped her on the cheek. He immediately burst in to tears and apologies. They hugged and cried together. He said sorry and she forgave him. It never happened again, but he carried this with him for all the years since. Now that she was grown, he wanted her to read the manuscript before it was published since it had this story in it. She read the pages carefully and when she finished she looked up at him and said, “Dad, I don’t remember this.” He was shocked. He had held on to this failure, this all time big mistake for all these years. And she didn’t even remember. It’s because he apologized. Sincerely apologized to her. He didn’t try to make it her fault, he didn’t tell her, “If you wouldn’t have made me so mad I wouldn’t have smacked you.” He admitted he had done wrong and asked for forgiveness. And she had given it to him. Friends, children want to forgive. They have hearts that want to love and want things to be right with you. Be humble and ask for forgiveness when you have done something wrong. It can change your relationship with them forever. This story changed my heard, prideful heart to be humble and real with my children. So with that in mind, look at your goal. Whatever you goal is, you have to have a plan to get it there. It’s not just going to happen, you have to have a plan.

So you have your goal and your plan to get to that goal. Now you have to understand how seriously important this mission is. It is so important. Eternally important. It is kind of scary to even fathom how important this is sometimes, but please, just go there with me for a minute. For the first 18 years of your child’s life, you are your child’s greatest influence. You set the foundation for every decision your child will make for the rest of their life. You get to help form a person. Who they become determines the choices they make, and these choices effect their jobs, their spouses, their coworkers, their friends, their children, their grandchildren, pretty much every person they come in contact with. You effect how they look at God. Whether they ultimately follow the Lord is not entirely on your shoulders. You plant and water the seeds, God grows the plant. But, he gives us a promise in Proverbs 22:6 says, “Raise up a child in the way he should go: when he is old he will not depart from it.” Please friends, if you hear one thing today here this. This is an important job. Probably the most important job. There will be other missions God gives you that are very important, but none that have the generational legacy that motherhood carries. Realize this fact and forever change your legacy. You can’t go back and do it over.

So, now you have your directives. You need a goal, you need a plan, and you need to understand how truly important this mission is. You might have already realized you are on this mission or this might be the first day God opened you eyes to it, but today is the day. Ask God to tell you wonderful details about this mission He has put you on. He will tell you. And you will be blessed.

"Will You Marry Me?"

Oooooohhhhh my. Just let me breathe for a second. What a day. I don't know what it is about holidays that through my family off so badly. Maybe it is my expectations that I want the day to perfectly or the increased consumption of sugar or the added activities, but my kids were spun out today. Which made me completely irritable and not always nice (unfortunately.) Between breaking up argue nets between the kids, having someone arguing with me about every. homeschool. assignment. and a sassy 3 year old screaming NOOOO in my face whenever she is asked to do something. Or not do something, I was so unhappy by the time Jimmy got home. Happy Valentine's Day Babe :( Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who put it all in perspective for me without making me feel like a failure. He reminded me that no one has parenting figured out and we have to ask God everyday for the answers for the situations of that particular day. After a little cry, we came up its a game plan for the rest of the night and salvaged the day.
At the very end of the day, while doing homework with Tucker before his class tomorrow God gave me the sweetest little Valentine's Day gift. Tucker looked at me, through the frustration on my face, the tiredness in my eyes, and said, "Mommy, I want to marry you." This is the first time he has ever said this. Even with the arguing, the frustration, the rough day, he still wanted to marry me. And I was reminded of God's love for us in the love of a child. He loves us when we throw tantrums, when we are frustrated with His plan, when we are tired and irritable. He loves us no matter what. And there is nothing we can do to make Him love us more, or love us less. And we are His bride, His beautiful church that He can't wait to see coming back to Him. A love we don't deserve, just like the love of my son that I really didn't deserve today. God, you used Tucker to save my Valentine's Day, thank you, thank you so much.


Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV)